I would like to know when the WS goes through or is likely to go through the symptoms of withdrawl, grieving, reflecting regarding the marraige they left?

I started to go through all this the day my wife left and confessed. Like many FS on this board.

Here are my highlights

Mid March - Wife confessed and left for her married affair partner. They didn't move in together.

March- End of May - I plan "A" when I can while the affair continues.

Early June - Her affair partner says he's going baack to his wife. My wife tells me she needs space and will not call me for some time.

I've never seen any pain or suffering in my wifes eyes when we were talking. Not much emotion towards me at all.

Is she likely to withdrawl, grieve, reflect on the marraige after she left like I did while the affair was on? Or will it likely happen now that the affair is ending? Or after she has delt with her emotional fallout refarding the affair?

I know everyone is differant but I'm looking for some experianced direction.

just pushing this forward.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've never seen any pain or suffering in my wifes eyes when we were talking. Not much emotion towards me at all.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I dont have any advice or an opinion I just wanted to say I also feel like I see no emotion from my WH I feel as though he is totally cold toward my feelings. Maybe it is because they feel guilty when they think about how we feel so they turn theirself off to our feelings?? Do you think this could be?
Michelle

michelleo-73

I'm not really sure.

I know my wife is feeling very guilty, ashamed and clearly knows she hurt me deeply. This is taken from the type of person she is not what she's said.

I think she is surpressing her feelings towards what she's done to me.(denial) and in many ways is hiding from what she's done.

She has always been a conflict avoider. Though I tried to address our problems in the past I always got "nothing was wrong" or "I don't know" nothing specific or very little.

Now Four months after she confessed and left she has not told any of our mutual friends or talked with my family about what happened, in fact after leaving I found out that she got together with some of our friends wives and she just told them we had marriage problems and nothing about her affair.

Her circle of friends are very new friends (not friends of our marriage) and of course her family or members of it that are standing by her side.

Her affair was another world for her. And now that its over (he's gone baack to his wife) her current world is also new and not reflective of the world we shared as a married couple.

For her right now it's - out of site out of mind or she's just running and still spining out of control.

My H A is out in the open..her H does not know of it...but all of our side knows about it! He is not willing to work on our marriage instead he wants to make a go of things with her. He must feel guilty, but is not showing it to me at all! Everything he is doing now goes against everything he has ever belived in..its so hard to understand!
I would have to guess they must go through some withdrawal from the marriage..if they go through withdrawal from the A.. why wouldnt they go through some kind of withdrawal from they spouse??
At least I like to hope that there is some kind of withdrawal from me and our kids and our marriage!!
michelle

have you thot of telling friedns and family about the A or no? I have told my family and friends and they have been good support for me.

Michelleo-73

Yes our families know. As do most of our close friends. The relief from telling them and gaining support from them was some of the best medicine I could imagine. Not telling them initialy made me feal guilty about not sharing something so personal with those who are close to me.

As for the small group that doesn't know yet I know they will never look at my wife the same way again should we get back together and this would make both our lives together (if that happens) more difficult. So I've decided not to tell them yet. They will find out in time and if we are not together most will cut my wife off forever. I've seen it before with many in the group. Most have no use for people who have affairs.

Hey GoodGuy,
I really think some of these WSs never feel remorse for their actions. I think that they are so selfcentered they just don't see anyone's pain but their own. I don't have a clue how that happens. It is one of the hardest aspects of this whole thing that I've had to deal with!

well I hope that there is remorse on the part of thr WS....i dont know how there couldnt be..but as far as I have seen so far..my H has no bad feeloings about what he is doing..I can only hope he wakes up and realizes he has been acting totally against what he beleives and is not being himself at all..and I hope that he is remorseful..but I guess i just dont know!

I think everyone feels remorse and guilt for what they've done. But for many it may take years to set in, recognize and maybe change there pattens of copping in unhealthy ways.

And for many there denial or selfpride doesn't allow them to show it on the outside.

I can only relate what's happening to my wife and other unfaithfull spouses by comparing them to other people I know who have done improper things in there lives but act as though nothings wrong.

The drinker or drug addict that puts a public mask on that everythings great.

The spousal abuser who puts on a public mask that everythings ok.

The peroson who continues to fall at relationships again and agian or jobs but puts on a public mask that everythings great.

The compuslive eater or shopper who puts on a public mask that everythings great.

I'm sure we all can reltate to someone who just can't seem to control one major area of thier life that most of us take for granted and deep down those people struggle with there guilt, shame etc daily.