Ark said it nicely. Basically if you are so tired of the DRAMA, then REMOVE YOURSELF FROM IT instead of feeding off of it. In the long run who really cares HOW UPSET YOU GET? They don't, and it only fuels your anger to act as irrationally as they are. You can't use the logic THEY GOT ME SO UPSET. They didn't do anything you are getting yourself upset because they are not acting like YOU WANT THEM TO! You have seen what they care about, the WS and OP only care about THEMSELVES! KNOW THIS AND REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THEIR DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR! If not, then you will only be drowned with them. IT'S YOUR CHOICE IN THE END!

<small>[ July 11, 2003, 02:55 PM: Message edited by: trying2_4give ]</small>

I am just venting now but I can't believe the 2 of them are never apart except when he is at work. They do everything together. I gave my husband alot of freedom to do what he wanted to do. She probably wipes his tush too when he goes to the bathroom.

thwummmp!!!!!!!!

that is the sound of my head hitting the key boards....

one post goldie...toss me one post...just one...it's a start... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
all about YOU...

How you did this or that for you...and removed this thought or that thought of them from your head...how you went somewhere and and did something...and felt in control of you and your life...

Not in a bubble-bath girlie moment...but in a dam I am sure glad that today I am not even concerning my self with husband and whacko womans behaviors...
And that I will not be in a position to give a flying fluff as to what they are doing....because you KNOW what they aren't doing..

they aren't being decent
considerate,
responsible
worth your time type of people
right now...

and you no longer concern yourself about people that don't treat you or your children right...

one minute start thinking like that...
drop this is all my fault type of thinking and realize deep inside the only way to wrestle with the past is start to change you now..

continue to believe and wallow that you deserve this and it is all your fault...and he and she will always make you feel in their power....

are reading here...
are you reading mimi's post...
are you learning at all...or do just keep playing the same song over and over in YOUR head that you deserve this...because it is stagnating you to accomplishing NOTHING>>>>>

Are you just a victim of your past or are you ready to prove that people change all the time...and they change for themselves...EVEN if they lose what they perceive they want most...because changing the right...often changes what they think they want as well...

All right I am done picking on you....
please Goldie...one post...try to see this differently...try to realize that he is just as responsible as you are...and as much as it serves your perceived purpose to keep focus and blame on her...it only hurts you and your kids in the end....

ARK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ok in August my husband and I and our kids go to Canada, his family goes also along with other friends we know. Well he is taking his gf and thinks our kids are going. I am not letting them go, his parents are po'd because i won't let the kids go. I can't let my kids go and see their father and his gf sleeping together when we are still married. Am I right? What does that teach the kids? His parents just say well its not like you are married anymore anyway. The last time he was with the kids was June 21st at his moms house.

You seem to be avoiding replying to ark.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I say stick to your guns and don't let the kids come to Canada with your H and OW. You are still married and you are right to not want them to be around your H while he shares a bed with OW. So what if your inlaws think it's "not like" you're married anymore anyway. You still are, and what YOU think counts, not what your inlaws, your H, or OW think.

Jen

My in laws are going to be really mad, and use what I did in the past, they say I deserve it. I know what is right with my children, I didn't make my A public like he did when we were still together. My kids see him as leaving not me.

OkeeeDokeeee...

I will try again....

1. HOW will you KNOW if your inlaws are mad???
WHY do you care...because it keeps you in the mix of things???

IF your inlaws bring only grief and blame in to your life...remove yourself from them..
If you want to have them have contact with the children...invite to your home...everyone be polite...

from what I understand you need a passport/birthcertificate to cross the border...
Do you or he have these things...

If it is you Goldie make sure they are secured with someone else in YOUR family...

Do this ONE thing...try..
start a journal today....document each and every time your children try to call/see their dad..

MAKE sure you don't engage them like you did the other day....
just start a concrete document so you have proof to him and the courts at all attempts for contact with him...but don't you dare intervene just document their excuses for not seeing and talking to kids...

At some point for the sake of these children someone is gonna have to grow up and deal with the reality of all these games...

your inlaws games..
your husbands games
and your participation as well....

all you do is see everything in relationship to the TWO of them...

If he hasn't seen the children since june 21st why are you taking him cigarettes how is he in your house propositioning you??... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

YOU have to change this...
YOU have to get in control of this....

ARK

Golie,

This is the first I've read your post. But JMHO,

Your H, has you, and he knows he has you. He knows that no matter what he does, you are still there for him. You have to quit. Start concentrating on what is good for Goldie and the kids. Don't even consider him right now.

He tells OW the stuff he does, because he has the two of you competeing each other for him.

She says what she says, to try to keep you and the kids away. She is insecure about the R they have. Otherwise, she would not be pulling these tactics. Do not rise to them.

How old are your children?

When she does this crap, document that kids tried to call, document OW response.

I think you should send H a Plan B letter.

I think you need the break from him and her. Your sanity needs it. Who knows, it might even shake him up a bit.

Regarding his money status, well, that is just too bad. He has a responsiblity to support his kids. That is not your problem. Besides, doesn't OW work? Aren't they splitting expenses. He cannot support two houshold by himself.

I think in the Plan B letter, you should spell out that he will have to initiate contact with the kids, since you have had such negative responses from OW when you have tried to call and communicate with him about kids.

Do not dwell on his family and their reaction.

Good luck to you

Praying for you Goldie. I know I've had a few fleeting moments that I felt that way. Maybe I'll feel that way even more the longer it goes. But you have to be strong for those kids... you can't trust them with him or OW.