WEll...here goes..Divorced guy here..W left Jan/2001. Still great friends even though infidelity was involved.
Started dating great lady from church about 2 months now, but her daughter is having a difficult time adjusting, we get along great (She is 9) but feels threatened that I am taking Mom away. Mom is also D for about 3-4 years. Last night she told me that she needs to work through this and feels like she is almost being forced by her daughter to choose between her child and the man she is falling in love with. I told her that is unfair and that I would just walk away because that is a choice that shouldn't be made, I have 2 kids from PM and also a stepson that still comes over and calls me Dad. I guess at this point, I am unsure if this is just an excuse to break off the relationship (although she cried when I said about walking away) for her or not. We definitely need some help dealing with this but I feel her pulling away from me more every day because it is tiring for her to deal with. Her daughter is fine for a few hours but after that will not even let her Mom sit with me on the couch. Anyone have any ideas where to find some help???? Thanks

Of course she is getting tired, and that's why you would do well in removing yourself as an indirect factor of her emotional stress. It is her responsibility to learn how to resolve the issue with her young daughter before she is ready to start a relationship with you or any other man. For the time being, be her friend and nothing more.

Only 2 months of dating gives you very little insight into what real life would be like with this woman and her daughter, and any of the other side characters that come into play with blended family dynamics.

Why not date her when the daughter is not around? You are not this girls's daddy, and she feels threartened. So, back off.

The 9-year old is correct .... you are taking up part of the time she used to have with her very own mother .... she is now sharing her mother with you. It bothers her. She's not rock solid that her world isn't going to blow up around her (again) like it did during a divorce.

I think you have been introduced to the daughter waaaaay too prematurely.

Back off. See the mom when the daughter is with her dad.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

PS .... "The man she is falling in love with ....." It's strong feelings of attraction and desire, not love at 2 months. The brain gets an endorphin bath during the courtship phase. Strong emotions result. Love develops when the relationship has matured, well beyond 2 months. You two are still in the infatuation phase. Let this grow slowly before involving a very sensitive hurt child in your plans.

Jeff,

You are a nice guy to care. I agree that you should walk away. The little girl has been through enough and her well-being supercedes her mother's dating relationships. Her mother can't and shouldn't sacrifice her daughter's happiness to seek her own.

It is very upsetting for many kids to see their parents with other people, especially after their lives have been wrecked by a divorce. They have already lost ONE parent and now a dating situation threatens to take the other one away! How much can a kid take?

It was very hard on my teenage sons to see me with a date. They were HORRIFIED AND DISGUSTED and very rude to my - now - husband. "You are going a date?????????????!!!!!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> [you would have thought I was the town whore!] I resorted to meeting my boyfriend [now DH] at the post office for dates and didn't bring him around again for some months.

<small>[ July 06, 2003, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

WEll....as far as the walking away and all, it will be a little tough due to the fact that we go to the same church and have known each other for almost a year since she started coming to the church. NO..I will not leave the church as I am very active and I am sure that she won't either as she has found it to be her home away from home. As far as her daughter being introduced wayyyy too early...her daughter had been coming to the church with neighbors for about 6 months before her Mom ever started. And I am well aware of the fact that I am not her Dad and would not EVER try to be..although her father is abusive and cruel to her.

Jeff, we are talking about walking away from the DATING situation, not your church.

Yeah I know that now...lol....just going to be hard and really is confusing me here. At work now and her daughter just called me and asked if I would be home tomorrow and if she could come over and stay with me while her Mom worked????? AARGH...then her Mom called me back and said that she didn't think it would be a good idea...maybe Mom is just trying to move on...lol. But the daughter is fine with me, always has been ,before I even knew her Mom. My kids are away for the week but I don't want to damage anything. As I did say, I have known the little girl for almost 2 years and her Mom about a year. If it would be easier to correspond...my reg. email is Crzycountryboy63@aol.com God Bless