I am not sure where to begin, I have been married for almost 9 years (together 10) Friends all our life. this is his second marriage, he was married for 3 years to a girl he got pregant in highshcool, She cheated on him constanly. I know why he has some of the feelings he does, But i have tried to prove over and over i am not like her.

When i started dating my husband was in the service, He got out 3 years later and then Re-enlisted after 9/11. He was never happy working in the real world. We had all sorts of issues, he would ignore me for weeks at a time unless he had some Physical need Mine did not count. He had an EA, that about destroyed me, my trust, and made me insecure. When he re-enlisted, i saw the man i fell in love with again. He is stationed on a ship and that meant deployements for months at a time. He started showing interest in me again, because he knew he would be gone for a long amounts of time.
Now he is currently deployed, it has been 4 months and he will be gone another 4 1/2 months. Suddenly he is accusing me of everythign under the sun, we email constantly and i am always home if he calls, but he accesses my email accuses me of things that aren't even being said. If i don't email him back right away because i am taking care of the kids, I get accused of talking to someone else. I have one friend that i email and i don't anymore in fear he will read something into it.
I have never given him a reason to doubt my love for him, but i am to the point i can't take it anymore, when i explain my feelings to him he tells me to divorce him. Or that i am just whining! I get the "here we go again". He of course goes to port, doesn't email me or call me like he has promised and i am supposed to be okay with that, if i question what he did i get vague answers.
Recently i joined a military spouse support group, next thing i know he joined and of course the men and women flocked to him with questions, Some even email him personnaly, when i found out i asked him about it and he said he was just helping, i asked him to send me a copy of the emils since he reads all of mine dailey and he did, but i found out that he editied them and sent only what he wanted to read in them. I told him i was not comfortable with it and to stop unless they have a valid need for imformation. I don't think that has happened. I cannot post my feelings there because of him and if i do i am sure he will make me look bad or like i gave him reason to behave that way. I am also afraid that if i do he will get more personal emil from them. they are very supportive of deployed spouses. I have tried to be his best friend,lover that i could be and now i am being told if i don't like it leave, Divorce him.
It is hard enough to be alone all the time with 2 children ages 8 and 2. I just don't know what to do anymore and the distance between us is making it worse. He ignored me so much in the past that i have gotten used to him not being around, when he showed interest in me it was hard for me to adjust, becasue it had been so long and now i want him home so bad i would do anything, but then i don't, I am torn with my feelings and don't know what to do. I have asked him to goto counseling many times and he says he doesn't have any problems, but if i want to go, i can(alone).
I am sorry i rambled on the way i did, i just am not sure what to do anymore, or where i stand, or if i can take anymore, with him gone and his responses, i feel like it is already over.

My FWH is in the Navy too! So, I think I can understand your some of your issues and your lifestyle.

IMHO, your H's past relationship really did a number on him (obvious, I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). He doesn't trust you or even himself. Have you tried talking to the military chaplain in your area (he/she may be able to contact your H's ship and have the chaplain there start talking to your H)? That is what the chaplain is for...to see to the spiritual and emotional needs of the ship's crew. Have you started counselling yourself? Get a professional and objective party involved. You won't be able to change your H but, you can change yourself, your attitudes etc..

It sounds to me like he is afraid. Afraid to be involved again for fear of being hurt. He's pushing you away, so he can either "test" your loyalty over and over or he wants you to leave to prove to himself that ALL women will leave eventually.

IMHO, you cannot walk away from this M until you have done absolutely everything you could to make it work (can you honestly say that yet?). The stakes are high...there are kids involved. I doubt either of you wish to destroy their worlds.

I would start by telling him you are going to talk to someone. Tell him EXACTLY how you are feeling and why. Don't "attack" him just state the facts as you are feeling them! Don't be drawn into an argument and don't be defensive. His reaction is up to him, not you. Follow through and get some help for yourself. I can't tell you how all of this will play out in the end but, I do know that it's time to ask for help from an "outside" source.

Consider telling him about this website! There are individuals here who know exactly what he's been through and can help. Tell him you come here, let him see what you are "up to" and the information you are getting.

Most importantly, YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF!!!

thank you for replying to my post, i have told him i am goign to see someone, He reufes to talk to the chaplain, He has other issues at work that have requested he goes and he rufuses, he says if they left him alone it would end thier problem.

your right when you say that he is testing me over and over again and that he thinks all women will leave eventually, he thinks it is only a matter a time, i have tried everything i can think of to make him feel differently but i feel like i have lost all hope. I feel broken. I don't know how else to explain it.

thanks again, all i can do is keep trying.