I need some help. With my wife acting the way she has been acting and doing the things she has been doing, the hate in my heart is building up out of control. When I think of my two children and her selfish desires to break up the home, deny them a house, and sneak and lie to be with another man...I can't describe how it makes me feel. I cannot stand to be in her presence any longer. I cannot stand to know she even exists. I do not like the feelings I am having. I have done so much for her, our children are so precious, for her to be behaving the way she is now, all because some man has her hypnotized is disgusting to me. I literally become sick just thinking about it.

What can I do to kill the hate? What thoughts are there, what words are there, what can I do to not get upset and hate by such a disgusting person? I love her and would have given my life for her, but she has destroyed any good for no reason.

Please, some advice.

It sounds like Plan B time. Ask her to leave as long as she is mainting contact with the OM. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Ask for marriage counseling. If she refuses all of these things then it is time to contact an attorney to understand your options. I would also suggest personal therapy for you. Do you let her destroy your mind, health and life. Nobody is every worth that. I wish you luck.

Take a step back from the hate. In the moments you hate her the most, remember another part of you also loves her, a part you can't access right now. You've lost the file. View the hatred itself with detachment, while still experiencing it.

And yes, Plan B does help you recover your sanity.

I concurr with BryanP about you starting Plan B. Without removing yourself from the triangle, your resentment will kill all love you have for her and any possibility for marital recovery will go out the window.

I agree with the others, step away quick. Go into Plan B or you might never be able to recover your feelings for her at some future point. I know exactly how you feel. When I found out about my H's affair, I was just DISGUSTED. I didn't feel love, but rather disgust. I was simply not interested in him and wanted to dump him quick.

Thankfully, he immediately ended contact and started doing things to restore some respect and love. If he had continued it would have been hopeless, my feelings would have never been restored.

All of your feelings are NORMAL. You should feel anger at her profoundly destructive actions. Getting away from it will help you deal with it better.

I can't leave my children, not even for a day. She has said she will move out. She told me she does not love me and if she stays I will be with a woman who will never love me. She needs to move out. I haven't talked to her for over a week so I need to do that now. I need to know exactly when she is moving out.

Solon-

There are a few things that proved beneficial to me after I discovered my XW's A: (1) Pray, pray, pray (2) Strenuous workouts, free weights and a headset are the bomb (3) Support groups - typically lots of BS's in these groups (4) Spend some time thinking about how you've made mistakes and sought forgiveness.

It's wise of you to seek answers to this question because how you deal with it will play a big part in your future happiness. Good luck to you!

Thanks.

I just called her at work. She said she is not really sure when she is moving out, but that it will probably be around August 1st. I told her that I am opposed to having the children live half of the week with me and half of the week with her. I told her that I am also opposed to them living half of the month with me and half of the month with her. I told her that either she will have them full time or I will have them full time. I know I can prove her to be unfit and irresponsible (she has gotten pregnant twice since we've been married and is horrible paying bills, plus, she is moving out; abandonment).

I will just be glad when she is OUT, OUT, OUT!!