H. has been here every day to be with son, working on computer and doing things, which is nice and I am grateful but he has no affection for me. No ilu's or hugs etc. Sex, well that's ok I guess if he feels hard up, but I can't take it any more. He only has so much time he can spend here and he sits on the computer, which I never told him to get a new operating system on, but he did it anyway and then gets mad because I go lay down. So he just leaves. Then gets mad at me because I tell him I don't need to be there if he's just on the computer and that he'll have lots of time tonight with OW. I mean they f***ing live together he just spent the whole damn 3 day weekend with the B**** but I get a couple hours in the evening and he's making a sacrifice! Why am I doing this, Am I insane??? He thinks by doing "things" for me will make me happy-he so doesn't get it. I want him,not a bunch of sh** he does for me! He's like"I'm not sitting at her house doing stuff for her" Well duh, no you're doing stuff to her and with her and making memories and planning the GD future with her and the damn baby. I am so pi**ed right now ... Maybe she should know the truth, I mean the truth will set you free right???

Have you thought about Plan B? I do not know your whole story.

I have and have been unable to really do it, my WD seems to be unbearable but now this life is unbearable especially since I found out OW2 was pregnant. He can't fulfill any of my en's and I can't live with crumbs. I know why and how he is tortured by things he is doing, but he won't stop and hasn't since he met OW1 over 2 years ago. So this has been going on a long time and I don't like being a veteran!
i was reaaly upset last weekend when he took off with ow but got over it and felt better because I know how unhappy he is, not with me or her, but with his lifestyle and himself. Then I see him and start expecting things, which I know I shouldn't but then I get hurt and upset with him more. So, kind of sounds like plan b time Huh!??

You are fascilitating his affairs. You are fascilitating his depression, etc. You are allowing 10 years of fence sitting. that is not love. And if you have been here long enough, that is not how to save your marriage.

Get to Plan B ASAP! Let him be fully enveloped in the world he has created. You are preventing him from reaching bottom. And it is the bottom where he will find the strength to climb out of the hole he dug.

You CANNOT help him. Except by getting out of his way. Do it now. Until you do, you just assist him in his destructive behavior to you, your kids and to himself.

In His arms.

day by day, I thought the exact same thing as MM when I read your post. Your long Plan A is almost as destructive to you, your H and your marriage as his adultery. You are preventing him from ever facing the consequences of his behavior and destroying your self respect in the bargain. Please move immediately to Plan B. Please remove yourself from this sick triangle.

<small>[ July 10, 2003, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

dear melody and mortarman, I know you are right and even my counselor said a few weeks ago I should not be seeing him, that I was losing my self respect and his/ If I write a plan b letter should I send it to her also? I had one written out a long time ago, but never sent it. Need advice on that part of it I guess. Thanks

Have you read Surviving an Affair? It has a great example how to do a PBL. Also, there are many examples on this site.

Write it and then post it here so we can help you get in exactly what you need.

DBD...it is time. If you want your life back, a real life, it is time for Plan B.

In His arms.

DbD,

Plan B is not that hard nor as scary. In fact view it as relief that you never know you needed. You have been carrying this burden sooo long you don't know what relief is like.

Give it serious thought. It will affect your children.

Let the WS and OW spend time together.....remember about too much togetherness ....for some.......... it brings

***************contempt!****************

L.

DbD,

How are you doing?

L.

I,m ok. Saw H. lst night for awhile. Was really tired, working more right now and not used to getting up early! plus it's pms time, fun fun!!I think we are both so stressed out it just makes you tired. At least he has a new job starting mon. We were going to eat at Applebee's last night and meet there, I get there and he's not there, so I am waiting. All of a sudden he calls me and says he is somewhere else and doesn't want to eat there. I knew he must have seen someone there so he left but I had to drag it out of him. I mean why lie? does he think I'm going to go in the rest. and make a scene or something? So when I met him somewhere else he says" this is ridiculous isn't it?" Yup, sure is. I can't be seen in public with my H. But if he was with her and I walked in would he turn tail, no because she wouldn't understand. Still thinking about plan b. ttyl-I have to work all day today too.