My H annouced 1/15/03 that he was unhappy didn't want to be married. We separated 2/1/03. I'm still trying to get him to think things through. Found out yesterday he spent the night with my Best Friend who's been my confidant for last 5 months. I'm willing to forgive him, meet his emotional needs, but don't know how to tell him I know about the affair. I first want him to understand that I can forgive, then explain that I know about the affair. I want to ask him to stop the affair and try to work out his issues (he never complained in 20 years, now basically says his EN were never met). I want him to give me a chance to change, as well as accept the changes he wants to make in himself. I don't want to tell the OW's H, as he has an extremely bad temper and I don't want anyone physically hurt. Please respond, I'm supposed to see H later today.

<small>[ July 18, 2003, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: Stingray ]</small>

I am very sorry for your pain. I do not know what to tell you. My H's affair was also with my former best friend. How a friend could do that is beyond my comprehension. I think you need to be honest. Don't feel bad about the emotional needs thing, all WSs say that to justify their selfish actions. Looking back, my needs weren't met either, but I didn't bring his best friend into our bed and break his heart.

Please read all that you can. Keep posting. Pray. Go to counseling. Journal. Take care of yourself.

I suggest 'shattered vows' at findarticles.com and the book Torn Asunder. Good luck

Wait around for the MB Veterans. Not many folks are around on the weekends. Read up here on the MB principles and begin to do PLAN A.

Tell him right up front that you know about the A. and how you feel about it for starters. If you read up on the MB principles and PLAN A, you will learn that it is important not to engage in lovebusters when communicating with him.