Ok, I have a question.

My WH has called me sounding all depressed and feeling really down.

He doesn't look happy when I see him.

He's told friends of ours that he's depressed.

He's told me that he feels lost.

I think to myself, why? This was his decision. Why is he so donwn? He left b/c he wasn't happy, and now that he left he's still not happy.

Why is he not happy, he got what he wanted when he left. Now he's living with the OW and still with her.

I don't get it. Why does he continue this path when he admits that he is not happy and depressed?

Hi I'm not sure you would want to hear from me but I'm the WS in our house We are still together trying to work on our M. But I guess what I wanted to say was I also have day's that are bad mine come from what I did and not being sure if I can make up for it or help us get trough this. I hope it was ok that I replied to your post.

Reality is setting in. The discontent, dissatisfaction, depression, were all there in him before the affair. He ran away from them by "fixing" the symptoms with a cheap, over the counter medication. (The OW)

He still has the illness/symptoms. And the cheap, over the counter remedy worked for a little while at first. But since he didn't get at the root of his discontent (by prayer, self-sacrifice, or turning to his wife) he is still hurting.

He is becoming allergic to the remedy, and feeling worse.

My theory or guess: keep on your good path, do what makes you healthier and stronger. And be unavailable. He can only attain you via legitimate, legal means.

The two remedies for his condition must not be mixed together, or bad side effects will occur. The legal prescription will putrify and expire.

He will take both remedies as long as both are available. If he takes the illicit one and reaches a breaking point, reality may hit him on the head. (fog lifts)

If he comes out of the fog, the Harleys have the right plan.

Either way, you stay out of it, keep away from him, and you are a winner. Dilute your strength by letting him fence sit, and you prolong your agony.

Do you want him back, to recover and rebuild? Maybe that's coming. But if you don't, and if he continues as he is now, with the OW in his life, in any way at all, you and your life will be less than you deserve.

I think you're doing terrific!

Since DDay all I wanted was to restore my marriage. But know I feel like, I'M OKAY!

I'm ok knowing that I'm getting a divorce, when before I tried so hard to fight it. I've accepted it and know that I'll be ok.

I'm ok knowing that we may never be together again. I can imagine my life without him. I can also imagine life with someone else and being happy again. And I'm ok with all this.

I'm going on with my life as if he's not coming back. And I know i'll be ok.

STBXW,yes,you will be OK,just protect yourself from being hurt again and again,also know that be it with him or with someone else or alone with the kids,you will be more than OK,prepare for the worst,ok. I have come to accept that my WH is gone
and I do not have any hope of him wanting to restore the M,and I move on,and;I know divorce will be next. Just know that the life ahead will be better for you will make it better.OK. Hugs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

stbxwife,

I hope you get what you need and want in the end. I know how your feeling. My wife left and confessed mid march with the thought of being with other man. He dumped her 6 weeks ago and I've still seen no change in my wifes attitude.

Sometimes I think the only person who grieved for the marriage and wants to find some sort of solution or closure is me. She has little to no contact with me and when I do see or hear from her she seems so happy about her current situation.

It rips my guts out that someone I've spent 13 years talking to and being with can just leave and not talk, think, or be concerned about our marriage or myself. Maybe a bigger betrayl than the affair it self.

Belleveu is right, and his self medicating by having an A did not resolve any of his problems. This is further proof of the A not being about the BS but all about the WS.

Why continue in the path of unhappiness?

STBXWife:
<strong>Why continue in the path of unhappiness?</strong>[/QUOTE]

a) inertia
b) unwilling to 'fess up and face the music
c) cowardice
d) the OW has something on him
e) immature
f) doesn't want to hear "I told you so's" from any who warned him about the OW
g) he's drugged out or drinking which contributes to
h) fog
i) all the above

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I'm still confused. Would he rather try to be happy again than continue to be unhappy?

I just don't get it.

Can a WS answer?

STBX,
I have to say that I could never even have a long term affair if I had kids, the guilt would kill me. My affair has brought my life down, it has done unbelievable damage in my life. It has dissapointed all of those close to me, in fact isolated me. What good has it done for me? Made me alone, literally. Destroyed most of the cornerstone of my personality, goodness, faithfulness, rigid accountability. I may as well just be illiterate, because I can say the words and know their meaning, but unable to interalize them. The behavior I engage in looks more and more like addiction. I have sacrificed vital and hard-fought-for tangibles and intangibles. I am realizing that it is the intangibles that are the most important. I felt suicidal a couple weeks ago, still depressed, yes, even though OW is "mine" right now. The sadness of it all is accepting you are seperated from your spouse when you should not be, and trying to learn to be ok by yourself. You(and me) can be ok by yourself, and maybe that is the lesson, i dont know. For now, I have to be. My life will start to get better when I decide to change and change I must. Affairs can probably be explained by the difficulty straying people have with intimacy or feeling safe. The act of escaping the marriage feels liberating in the moment, but when you are alone after brief happiness the guilt far exceeds any joy.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />