Well Jackie, you certainly know how to wake up us sleepin' MBers!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just kidding.

You know most of us have had threads with no responses. I know I have.

For me I learned to make my time on mb multipurpose. Meaning I try to help others and in turn other posts help me.

By the way the only 'aliens' we read about here on MB are the ones stuck on the 'mother ship'..... LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Nationality doesn't matter. The mixture of people from all different backgrounds is more spreadout than you might think.

I recall the girl from Finland?/ The OW who used to post when she was drunk?

Then we have had WS and BS posters from South America, South Africa, Austrailia, New Zealand, England, Canada, Mexico, Puerto Rico, etc.....

It isn't one's origin that is a problem here at MB, it is when OPs or angry WS' come here and try to start a fight, debate, arguement without purpose. It happens at least a couple times a year from what I have experienced. Sometimes they come here in 'packs' and well the commardary here is amazing.

Guess I am getting way off base here but wanted to let you know, your feelings are understandable. After all not everyone can handle what goes on here day after day..... it is hard to be in the middle of this kind of A mess and still be sane.

So keep posting/venting whatever you need. We will be here.

Hugz,
L.

Hey Jackie,
Just checking in.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
2nd

Jackie,
Another thought--you are on the GQ board and you might want to be on the Recovery Board. Things seem to be going in the right direction for you and the phases you are hitting now might strike more of a chord on Recovery.

Everyone likes to hear that a good Plan A and NC work, so don't abandon!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I recall the girl from Finland? The OW who used to post when she was drunk? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That as HumbleFish. Who could ever forget her. Last time she was on she was bragging about getting back with MM and spending the night with him... caused all sorts of trouble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

What a piece of work she was.

Hey Orchid! Thanks for the post. I can't believe the one about drunk OW! Takes all sorts, that's for sure. I didn't mean to wake you up! (Noticed you posted at 3AM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Couldn't sleep?)

Fiddle - I'm still here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks for checking up on me.

Anne - I take your point about where I should post. However, my first post was here because I was clueless about where I should be posting. I did post on Recovery and didn't get much feedback. It really doesn't matter, I just wanted to share my joy. It does strike me that good news doesn't make much of an impact - well, people might like to read about it, but they don't post about it.

Zorweb, thanks for popping in!

You know, tomorrow it might all change and I'll be back to square one, going through he!! again. Gee, I hope not. I try to stay away from the JFO board, because that it just too much pain for me. Maybe in a few months I might be able to give some advice, or express some sympathy. Even though it's nearly 11 mos since d-day, there has been so much for me to deal with, the current situation is still very new, I still feel quite fragile at times. I still think of the betrayal almost daily. I'm not as obsessive about OW, but I'd still like to punch her lights out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You know, that meeting in my hotel just freaked me out. Often I think how I could have handled it differently, things I should have done or said. I don't care about her, but I DO fear that she won't let it go and move on. She gave up a lot for my H and got nothing for her trouble, so there's plenty of bitterness looking to do some damage! Anyway, I'm just rambling on here. I try to focus on the positive - that's what keeps me sane.

Jackie

Jackie,

I read a Filipino proverb that said

"When you have a long way to go, go slowly"

Don't rush recovery. I think many people expect to just jump right into the state of intimacy when the OP is finally out of their lives...and it doesn't happen that way. Remember that the healing takes time and for the most part, are not as dramatic as the recent events in your life. Expect some set backs and be emotionally prepared to help your husband with the transition. OW's are notorious for coninuing to pursue and mess up your life....so do be wary of that. As you suspect, your marriage is still very fragile so take your time and don't rush. Don't talk about the concepts here....live them, apply them and your marriage can bloom again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Star*fish <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> As always, here to keep me on the straight and narrow! Do you think I'm setting myself up for potential disappointment? I HEAR YOU I really do.

I love your proverb, and I will take it slow, promise <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm on a high and I think H is too. We go on holiday in 3 weeks, to visit H's family. THAT is going to be interesting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> They know the story and are "flipant" about it. Refering to it as "we love you both and have proven that through the OW SAGA." It's our fault for keeping them out of the loop, but it was actually more stressful having them IN the loop. Drama queen material. The one SIL even called H to tell him she doeswn't get enough (SF) from her H. Gee, is that the tiny picture that they're seeing. SCARY!

Just want you to know I REALLY appreciate your support and caring and I DO listen to you - that's why I'm where I am today! Thanks (((((Star*fish))))) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jackie,

I think it's so funny that you picked "jackie-o" for you name and then thought we didn't think you were American LOL!!! You can't get much more American than jackie o in these parts!. Ya know, everytime I'm ready to leave this board because I get so discouraged, someone comes along like you and says I made a difference. Usually, to be honest, I don't reply. I just don't think of myself that way and so I don't know what to say. But I'm trying to remember to say Thank you, I'm so glad that I helped you....I wanted to and it makes me feel wonderful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It's taken a very long time for my husband and I to reach a state of itimacy....and it is so nice and so much fun. I am gratified to see that you and your husband are enjoying the renewal of your marriage. Sometimes, for the very few, an affair can actual cause changes that improve the quality of a marriage. I hope it is that way for you. My prayers go with you and I hear you about family!!! They mean well hehehehhehehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Star*fish, beleive that you've made a difference - it's true.

About the Jackie O thing. There's a thread somewhere on MB about "What's in a name?"

It's my real name (shortened version - as was HER'S. Whenever my mother called me Jacqueline - I even battle to spell that!!! - I knew I was in big trouble) and my last name initial.

The name has a sentimental value to me: On my wedding day, someone said "Do you realize - YOU are Jackie O now?" I was named after her - Kennedy was assassinated shortly before I was born. It's always been a special name to me.

BTW: Why have you taken yourself off recent visitors? I always go there first to check if you're on! I know you're on now, but your name doesn't show.... so, caught you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 27, 2003, 02:33 PM: Message edited by: Jackie O ]</small>

hmmmm.....I'll have to check and see why....maybe I messed up last time I updated. I'll fix it, it was unintentional. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Star, it seems to be fixed now.

MORE IMPORTANTLY!!! You never did reply to the question:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think I'm setting myself up for potential disappointment? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AND.... what do you think of the "Jackie O" now?

Sorry, I'm having fun and I REALLY need to go to bed... it's A.M. for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Aloha Jacky,just wnat to say hi and welcome.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Jackie, my sweet,
I think you've got the hang it. You evn changed the name of your thread. WaHoo!
O I personally read the Happy Posts that pertain to my situation because they give me so much hope. I try to respond as often as possible. Even if with just a <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I get the time problem thing too 'cause I post during the day, I am a domestic goddess. Most people post at night. So, I don't tend to get immedeate responces. How frustrating when a person really truly needs, huh?
You sound so much better today. Do I sense a bit of laughter in you lastest posts?
Gotta go lady,
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
2nd

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jackie,

I'm getting ready to go to bed now LOL. Just wanted you to know that NO, I don't think you are setting yourself up. You have a good reason to be happy.....enjoy it. Be realistic that there will be bumps and pitfalls and don't get discouraged if that happens because it's normal. Rest easy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Doing great with the name change! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wangi! Hi there, thanks for popping in! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> This is so weird - I have been following your story for a long time. It astounds me what these men get up to. Blah needs a fat smack... he is throwing his life away. I'm SO sorry for your situation. I just wish there was something I could say to help you. You seem to be doing really well, though. BTW, saw your pictures - you are gorgeous! Just know that you are in my thoughts, often - even before you said hello today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Fiddle! I've been reading up on your story too. (Not from 2 1/2 years ago, just the latest thread!) I really hope that things get back on track for you.
I found the constant emotional support from H for OW a HUGE burden, that's why the NC letter was SUCH a break through for me. H just couldn't tell OW to get lost. (Guilt? Probably!) I think I only finally got through to him when I told him that it was disrespectful to me to talk to OW. He couldn't quite get it at first (DUH! why do we always have to spell it out?), so I said this:

"Respecting me is not just about how you treat me when I'm around. It's about putting me 1st ALL the time. I KNOW that you think what I don't know won't hurt me. Well, it does. I always find out, and when I do, I think your attitude is 'F her!' If you had respect for me you would not be doing this."

The fog was lifting, so what I said made him think and see things from a different perspective. He honestly thought he could be friends with OW! In his eyes he had nothing to hide, but he WAS hiding it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That night he asked what he needed to do for us to move on. I had been saying NC, NC, NC since D-day and got NOWHERE. Suddenly, he did it, wrote the letter, copied me. I suppose he was ready to do it. He realised that we would never move on if he was still talking to OW, that it was a HUGE issue for me.

He might well back-slide, VERY persistant OW, but for now he's doing great. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I think I'm trying to offer you some hope. Hang in Fiddle, be strong, and know that you are in my thoughts - you WILL get through this.

Thanks for the compliment, btw ... and yes, I was laughing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Star*fish, thanks. Sweet dreams.

I'll check in tonight to see who's here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Jackie

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jackie O:
<strong>
Fiddle! .....

"Respecting me is not just about how you treat me when I'm around. It's about putting me 1st ALL the time. I KNOW that you think what I don't know won't hurt me. Well, it does. I always find out, and when I do, I think your attitude is 'F her!' If you had respect for me you would not be doing this."

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ooooooooo.....
I like that, mind if I use it?

Thank you for the support, Jackie, And I support you as well.
xo
2nd
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

PS I should not attemp posting before I have had a dozen cups of coffee and my Paxil <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ July 28, 2003, 07:18 AM: Message edited by: 2ndfiddle ]</small>

Hey Fiddle!

Glad you liked my remarks! Be my guest using that one, only too pleased to help in any small way I can. There's a whole lot that went on that morning before I said that. Let me know if you want to hear about it.

Jackie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H back in the AM.... watch this space!!!!

Got a bit of a bad gut feel about NC..... nothing solid to go on, probably just neurotic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Bed time for me soon!

<small>[ July 28, 2003, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: Jackie O ]</small>

Last night the girls had a sleep over at a neighbours, so H and I went out for a meal and a couple of drinks. We got home early, played our favorite dice game, watched TV together and were getting REALLY steamy on the sofa, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> H said ILY (which he ONLY says when he means it, not because he thinks I might like to hear it - we even talked about that!)

Next thing there's a trigger on the TV! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The conversation went:

H: Isn't that Andrew Lloyd Webber's wife?

Me: Sarah Brightman? Yes. I was just thinking how much I used to enjoy that music.

H: Don't ruin a good night.

Me: I'm sorry.

H: You just did.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

This all relates to the fact that in Oct 2002 H and OW went to see Phantom of the Opera together. As you can tell, I didn't mention that at all, but I didn't need to.

So now H is very down. I could see the hurt in his eyes last night. It was as if he was thinking "Is this what I have to put up with for the rest of my life?"

I HATE doing that sort of thing. I always verbalise too quickly. Please give me some ideas on how to fix this, how to stop rubbing his nose in it.

Thanks
Jackie

PS:I'm feeling the bumps - please don't say I told you so

<small>[ July 30, 2003, 10:47 PM: Message edited by: Jackie O ]</small>