Thanks ark. Now I am having it my way. I was looking looking good, smelling good when he came to see the kids today after work. He said, what are you looking all nice for? Were have you been or were are you going? I said, I have not been no were. Not what he wanted to here. Then were are you going? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I turned and walked into the kichten. He followed he wanted a answer. I said, a cookout. (I had no were to go) With who? I said with youngest S. Not what he wanted to here. Where at? I said a friends. Not what he wanted to here and I was saying it in a nice soft voice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> He then went outside to play with the youngest. Then he came in the house and said, do I need to leave earily? I said, No you can stay as long as you always do it don't start till 7:30. Then he goes outside and S asked, Why don't you love my mommy anymore? He said, don't start that again. I asked him not to shut down our son when he ask him these questions. Why don't you live with me anymore? (I don't think daddy had a good visit today.)I will not sheild H from these question no more. I told our son he loves mommy but daddy loves him more and ever ever. I have never told him daddy doesn't love mom. It makes me wonder what S does think?

No2 I am glad for you...

AND good foor you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

though these actions may tinge of or even smack of game playing to some...
going out with out conferring with a spouse who is living with another woman is anything BUT irrational...consulting or seeking permission would be irrational...

For a long time it seems thing have been status quo for the two of you...and lets talk major cake eating on his part..AND your participation is letting him do just that..

You need to look at what answers you are afraid of...and see what it is about them that scares you and keeps you from seeking real resolution to the issue of where your husband is living and with whom...
I know that is scarey....but is it really scarier than going on like like this?...

Children should and do have a voice in the pain that the adults bring to their lives as well...
how confusing for children to see mom and dad getting along well all the time...and yet dad doens't live there anymore...
we think the unknown scares us big people...think of what a chlilds imagination can come up with....
and your son may think this is all his fault...especially since children with in their own developement are on a learning curve about the whole world not revolving around them...

Your child asked his dad a legitimate question....he needs to answer...
you take care not to let your child be the only one brave enough to ask the scarey ones though...

I am very glad for you...

Seek more ways to feel in control and less fearful of what life is throwing your way;...
remember also that he if you are planning to go to plan B...that it is best when followed by plan A...
And even though you are shaking things up a bit...the happier you appear...and the more you present the type of person you want to be and someone he would want to be with ...the stronger effect will plan b have..

So make sure you throw in some good family times...
other things you can do is plan some family activity ...and invite him...
infact to shake him up a bit...call him at his PLACE on a Tuesday!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

and invite him out to dinner..or...say kids and I are running out for icecream wanna meet us there...love to see ya...and even if he says no be upbeat and say...ok..may be next time....

the effort is there though...

or call him at his PLACE to talk about some mundane child issue...

If things have been like they have since feb time can be at hand to change...

do you two ever discuss legal issues at all...

you can do this no2

time to kick that elephant in the living rooms butt out the door one way or another...

one last thing..I am amazed you havent' confronted the OW....amazed at that...
how do you feel about that??

blessings to you and your home...
ARK

Thanks ark for your time I really mean it. Do we ever discuss legal issues at all? Yes I have.He does not want to here it, "we will talk later " is all I get. The other day I think it was Wed. he was sitting out in the front yard watching the youngest S run and play. I was in the house when I looked out all I wanted to do was go out there and give him a hug. I didn't I went out and asked him if he was happy. He mumbled so so. I said, what? I heard him just wanted him to here it again. I said, do you think we can fix what we have done. He said, I don't know. I said, I think we can and walked away. That was really the first time he had answers for me when I asked a question. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Then yesterday when I said I was going to that cookout that made me feel good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> I do not want to talk to her(the other woman) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I'm scared what I might do .I know she works with him and I do not want nothing to put his job on the line or hers she does have a daughter. I know she should of thought of that herself. I am not her I am someone better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> She knew he was married I would go to his work to take him out to lunch with me and the youngest S all the time. They all knew he was married. I have to think what kind of bullsh$t did he tell her. If she was any kind of a woman she would of came to me and asked if we were so unhappy or are you getting a divorce? She could of also said, call me when you leave your wife. No she buys him a cell phone so he can talk with her at night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Her day is coming I will get to her one day real soon. H has been saying nice things to me. Like yesterday S wanted to swim and he said mommy has been keeping real good care of the pool. I never thought he noticed what I did. He goes were I go. If I go outside they go out, if I come in the house he comes in ,if I stay in the kichten he comes in with me for awhile. Please what is up with all of this is the fog lifting? Then there are days he is like he is not here, quit and really not wanting to do much. This Tuesday I will do that. I will call him at work and tell him we are in the area and we would like to take him out to lunch. Ya, that I will do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know he will say no, but I will know I have tryed. Thanks again. I will see how tommorrow goes. Sunday he is here all day. He said he wanted to swim. I won't I always say that is your time with S, but he will bug me to.