Thread killer?
Well, if this one dies, come to Melody Lanes, she is having a great party, and you can take pot shots at her for free!! ( I hope she knows we are kidding.)

I'm on 2 late again, and my sense of humor has gone down hill from lunch time.

See ya later.

SS

Are you ready to change 2Long? Here's a challenge for you:

Slow down. Breathe. Feel your feelings.

Reflect on your feelings .... don't forget the underbelly of the feeling.

**** Here's the part you usually omit ****

2Long ..... when timing is right (not more than 12 hours later) share any important marriage-related feeling with your W .... without judgement placed on yourself on your W or on your feeling !

Your feelings requires NO OTHER ACTION. Your feelings are used as tools for sharing of yourself, otherwise known as intimacy.

Here's a template:

"I would like to open up to you more. I'm asking you to just listen, that's all.

Sharing my feelings has been difficult in the past, but taking a deep breath, here I go.

I feel ____ when I think about ____. I just wanted to share my feelings with you.

I plan on doing this with you every day. I will get better at this as time goes by.

Thanks for listening. "

~~~~~~~~~

This seems silly, but I believe it is an important exercise for you 2Long.

You spend too much time thinking about RM. This is pointless. Do something else.

Share yourself with your W.

If you do this every day for a month, your life will change, because you took a risk.

With each share, you will get deeper.

Remember, your feelings require no solution and no action on her part. Give them your voice. That's all.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 02, 2003, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Hi lilbro:
In response to your comment about S's open house--yes, I am proud to hear he's doing well in AP! That is terrific! Way past cool! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> As a teacher of AP, I know the expectations are high, the tests rigorous, everything is stimulating and profound. The most fun I've had teaching in 17 years! I'm surprised and also not that S is in that class--he's capable, and it's demanding. Good for him! Hope that teacher keeps working to draw him out: this is probably the challenge his stellar mind needs. Good news!
I believe you're right about W growing past being so angry so easily. And I'm touched that she's suggested in the phone-call background recently to hear about my phone # and address in my upcoming adventure. That's her true self--thoughtful and caring.
I like Pep's advice to you about sharing your feelings with her more often. You may need to do that more as she takes on this new job and you don't see each other daily at first.
Take care, bigsis <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep, Bigsis:

Yep, SS has been suggesting what Pepper suggested above for quite some time, now. In some ways, I think I've been working 2ward doing that, better and better with time, but it is certainly true that RM has been 2 much on my mind even lately, and that's a collosal waste of time and emotional calories (I think I made those up. Should I get some kind of prize, if so?).

I dropped W off at the airport just about an hour ago. Like I told SS in an email yes2rday, it's almmost surprising the transformation that's occuring.

Yep, somebody's life IS changing! Give me a few minutes and I'll figure out which! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I lost count of the number of times she's told me and our kids how much she'll miss us while she's gone. And she's been so sincere each and every time. It's so beautiful. But I will keep working 2ward being as honest with my feelings 2 her like Pepper and SS have been suggesting. It's easier now, but not easy nevertheless. No less critical now than before, though.

I saw a spot about Art Linkletter this morning on CBS' Sunday Morning show. Very interesting. He's 91 years old, and as many of you probably know, he lost a daughter 2 a suicide while she was on LSD, and a son 2 a car accident. He said that the most important thing he learned from all that is that we all have the choice 2 either learn about ourselves from the traumas we face, or we can choose 2 feel hopeless.

It ain't easy choosing 2 learn from our mistakes and traumas, but the alternative is really not 2 learn anything at all.

-2long

Bigsis:

Yep, and it was her that reminded me that the 31st was your birthday!!! Which is partly why I called you back the other night.

I love my family, all of you guys! But I am a "dense male" even still. I have 2 be careful of that. I need 2 work on that a lot more, but I sincerely hope that, while I work on it, you all never completely forget that I do care, okay?

Love 2 all,
-2long

How about while you are working on you, I'll work on me, since I freely admit I need help.

Actually, it's kind of fun. Much better than staying in the same place.

see you in a few says.

SS

All:

She's in TX starting her new job! We had a good weekend together, I set aside some things that I wanted to do for myself until after I'd dropped her off at the airport yesterday (which I think she appreciated), and she called me last night to tell me how stuff was going.

She said "I love you" at the end of the convo !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Got a busy week and a half coming up. I'll post, but maybe at some odd times for me!

regards,
-Qfwfq (2long)

2Long-

Remember how much you wanted to hear her say those wrods back in December? Hpw you agonized over it?

Here it is August, look where you are now. Funny how much you've grown and how that has impacted your "R" with your wife.

I'm happy for you.

Are you going to be setting up your scope at Griffith? Did you read the piece about Mars watchers in the LA Times?

Pep

OK OK I can't stand it, what is 0.0015 Ka?? Is Ka referring to frequency wave of radar or some other scientific measurement? I can GOOGLE with the best of 'em, but I found too many Ka's to figure out your reference.

Also, I like this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What a goof! Now, he can join the ranks of gooves the world over</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"gooves", Very amusing…….now answer the Ka question!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

kily:

Thanks! I think I've grown, 2! And for those of you out there struggling with active As, you can do it 2! (because, if I can do it, any idiot can! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Pepper: I wasn't planning on it. I've got 2 go 2 Oregon as a guest speaker, probably same time you're talking about, if I'm not mistaken. Tragedy is I won't be able 2 take my scope on the plane. 2big! (that's what she... ...never mind!).

Blind: Oh alright. K stands for "kilo" or thousands. "a" stands for "annum." So 1 Ka is a thousand years. Likewise, that number could be represented as 0.0000015 Ma, 0.0000000015 Ga. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> -ol' 2long

MAN! Now that was obscure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks for the small glimpse into your Star Trek Mind (To Boldly Go Where No Thoughts Have Gone Before!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep:

Son said someone called about a TV shoot at our house. Name was someone we used as an agent before, but I haven't heard from her in a few years at least.

Was that you or Mr. Pepper?

-2long

'Twas not I

Now how the hell did I wind up on page 2??? I thought that was ALS' job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm going 2 leave a lot of important stuff out, because I'm so excited. Bear with me.

I just talked 2 my W on the phone (she's in TX). She's bugged that her last job, that she quit last Friday, changed her password so she can't access her mail there, and so if RM sends something 2 her there, they'll see it or he'll be thinking he's dealing with her. Look, I know this isn't "nice" but when it comes 2 ethical business, it's their account, not hers, even when she was working for them.

Anyway, she told me she sent him an email telling him not 2 send email 2 her work account. Damn it, she should have said, send it 2 the account, but don't say anything personal because he shouldn't be saying anything 2 her anymore anyway!!!!!!!!

D heard that the company (she's still working for them for a couple more weeks) is planning 2 fire my W's coworker friend because of her resignation letter yesterday (2 become a temp). Nonsense, or it just shows how dysfunctional that outfit really is. I just resent that my W is having 2 deal so much with that place now after she quit!

Coworker said they should start their own business, but W said "I don't want 2 when you're planning on moving home (she and her H are from back east) next year!" And coworker said "I don't really know what I'm going 2 be doing. Do you know whether you're going 2 move 2 state where your current job's office is?" And W said she didn't.

At least she's telling me this rather than letting me find out later.

Gone are the ILYs. Gone are the loving tones. I can't believe this is happening, but it is.

Okay, I'm better now!!!! She called me back!:

I had 2 talk 2 her again, because we were trying 2 compose an email 2 our contractor.

She asked me if I'm okay, and I said I'm just sad that she still has 2 deal with her old job AND RM even though she's left that job. I wish they'd all just leave her alone. We talked at length about the R with RM. I mean really! It was very good, 2! She said several times that she doesn't ever want 2 have another relationship like that with him or anyone else again, and that neither does he. She said over and over that she loves me and that she feels really bad about what this has done 2 me (so, MM, I spoke 2 soon in that post on your thread!!!). I told her what I've said here on MB, relating it 2 the story on CBS Sunday Morning about Art Linkletter's comments about learning from adversities.

I told her that I consider our life since D-day as an oppor2nity for personal spiri2al growth, and that I can't very well be grateful for the oppor2nity if I'm labeling her as somehow "bad" or having done something horribly "wrong" *2* me. I told her about wakeup calls, and how, although I would have loved 2 have "woken up" any other way than by finding out about her A, in all probability I needed 2 wake up precisely that way, or I wouldn't have at all. In fact, I didn't, because she'd been trying 2 "get through 2 me" for many years - at least 12, right?

It was interesting 2 hear her say that she is still surprised 2 realize that what she thought was explicitly telling me what was wrong and what she needed me 2 do was anything but clear 2 me. Like her dad, never realizing that he did anything "wrong" as an alchoholic father. It wasn't even necessarily that he was "blocking" it from memory, he may just have not realized it. We'll never know, as he passed away 7 years ago. And I told her about how many of us BSs don't WANT 2 believe that our spouses could have an A, so we, in effect, block ourselves from recognizing the signs.

She was genuinely concerned how I was doing, and told me so several times. And so I told her the truth, that I'm really doing fine (so long as I quit assuming, right!!!?).

I told her that I love her very much. That I believe her, and that I believe IN her.

There was a lot more 2 the conversation, but you get the gist.

I don't think I'll move over 2 the recovery board, though. Gotten 2 used 2 asking 2 many 2uestions, I suppose! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' happier than a pig in $h!+ 2long!
♥

My flea-bitten advice ....

***start surprising her daily with delightful thoughtful gestures ***

a balloon bouquet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

a bottle of bubble bath salts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

a dirty book and a naughty thong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

a love sonnet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

a small box of expen$ive chocolate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

a certificate for a hotel massage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

a "love you" card every day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You get the idea ..... knock her socks off!

Pep

<small>[ August 06, 2003, 11:16 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pepperband's ideas are good, but if it was me, I'd send her a naked picture of myself in an "aroused" state with the simple words "Just laying around here thinking of you!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

But, that' me, and I'm a naughty guy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blind Sided:

Hey Pepper, where should I buy the card! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-2long

If you can afford it, fly (drive) to Texas and pop in just to tale her out for dinner on a weekend night. Buy her something sexy to wear- send it the night before and tell her to wear it for a Big suprise for the evening you have planned.

Pull out ALL the stops.

Roses, Wine, candelight, wonderful music, and a walk by the river - If she's near the water...

kily:

Water? I didn't think there WAS any water in west TX!

Ac2ally, she's moving around from day 2 day. They don't even reserve hotel rooms, just show up in the afternoon and hunt for one. I can call her on her cell, if she's in a big town. Plus, I'm involved in a multi-day test at work that goes all day through the weekend until Monday night. Can't get away. Then, we have 2 compose an email 2 our contractor 2 tell him that he's not going 2 get paid when he wants 2, because he isn't done with any of the contracts!!! Pain in the beautox!

That's pretty much it.

ol' 2long