Hi Orchid, Zorweb

Received a 4 page e-mail from OW today. I am very, very angry and shaking lilke a leaf. For now I am holding off responding.

As it is so long I don't want to paste it on the board. I would like to know if I can e-mail you this letter to get some input to either respond or ignore this e-mail.

Can you also advise me on exchanging of e-mail addresses as I need to protect my privacy.

Thanks

I vote no response most likely regardless of what it says...

ARK

No responce is the best thing.

If you feel that you must respond to the letter, to either the OP or the WS, you could post the responce here. Not for the morbid curiousity of lurkers, but so that you can get it off your chest and clarify your feelings.

Your feelings are very valid about the letter and about the fact that OP did write to you. And DO NOT take anything the OP wrote personally, please.

Hang tough.
xo
2nd

<small>[ July 29, 2003, 07:21 AM: Message edited by: 2ndfiddle ]</small>

Isn't your WH still with OW?

What would be the purpose of sending YOU such a letter? Has there been contact, interaction between you and WH? What is the (overall) intent/content?

It sounds like she is very unsure of her "position" - how things are going. She is trying to stir you up for some reason.

ANother reason for you to do nothing.

Stay strong. God Bless,

GinnyF, sorry to hijack your thread. I have been trying to get a hold of lupolady and I see that she responded to you. Good luck with your situation.

Lupolady, would you respond to my question to you in my thread. Thanks, NW

Thanks ARK^^,

2ndFiddle,The letter is so long she goes way back to July 2001 the weeks after D-Day when the roller-coaster emotions were at its worst. I projected all my anger at her and WS until I realised I needed help that I could not deal with this alone. I joined Al-Anon and also Aca and I went into therapy. This was the road I chose to recovery. Today, I am at peace with myself, I love who I am and I have also found my purpose in life.

LupoLady WS is living with OW. For the past year and a half I have only seen him four times. Last time was Feb 03. Only exchange on these contact were greetings. As I have been in Plan B since Jan 02, contact is only made re children. As for finances I let my atty deal with that.

You mentioned the book Torn Asunder. I am trying to get hold of it but difficult in my country. Have to place an consignment order which takes months. Cannot afford to buy it through Amazon.com. Exchange rate is astronomical.

What started all this - DV decree is 4 weeks away. 2 dd spend part of school vacation with WS and OW. Communication between WS and myself re children for the past 3 weeks have become very relaxed. For the first time he has also shown concern regarding my health. Still struggling with a bout of bronchitus. He is the one that is making the contact.

I also changed my attitude. For the first time last week I send him an e-mail asking him how he feels about 11yo D, exchanging her cell phone for a new one with monies she received as a gift from "OW's ex-husband". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Apparantly, OW, WS, OW ex/h and his OW are co-parenting very well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> They want me to join the party which I refuse to do.

I expected him to e-mail me with a response but he actually phoned and we agreed that she could buy the phone. Well, I also thanked him for the new clothes he bought the kids and for returning them to me so clean and well dressed. Normally they look shabby when they come back home.

Well, as for the weekend my 2 DD's were phoning him all the time with the new cell phone. Everytime he would ask "What are you doing now" and they would give him a run down of where we were and what we were doing. Saturday we were at the movies. Sunday we were at a Jazz Festival for youths. What was he doing "At home watching sport on TV"

Yesterday, I had to phone him regarding 11yo's music fees that were overdue. Normally he would have this angry attitude and then I must wait until he pays which sometimes can take months. I phoned him at 10am by 11am the monies were in my bank account with a follow up call from him wanting to know if I received it. Thanked him and told him to enjoy his day.

I have been picking up a subtle change on his side. Maybe this is causing OW to panic. I am pass the stage of reading anything into a sitch.
So if this is fog lifting or not my life still goes on.

For me it is back to Plan B and working on me.

Giiny

Even more reason from the above post NOT to respond...

Think of peoplev (her) thriving on attention...
negative or positive... so matter your response she will have gotten something from you...
all of it's "better" than none...
give her nothing..

also did she copy husband on it as well
you owe her nothing...
not one thing...

sounds like you are doing fantastic...
your communication with husband right now sounds good....

blessings to you ginnyf..
ARK

GinnyF,

Finally I'm off work and done with errands... long day.

I sent you an email if you want to check there and I'll keep looking for one from you.

At this point I would not say one way or the other if you should answer. I've been thinking all day of how you could use this opportunity to your advantage. A lot depends on the contect of her email and what your goals are. I think I know your goals. Anyway will keep checking email.

Hi Ginny,

Sorry for the late response. I am not home this week so getting to MB has been a challenge.

Here is my e-mail addy: mborchid2@yahoo.com

I will be checking this e-mail probably next week.

You have been getting good responses from others and hope you are resolving NOT to play into the OW's manipulation game. Many a OW want to retain power and control even over the BS and family. You show that you are better than that by NOT responding. Instead this may bait her into sending you more stuff. Just realize that not all she is saying may be true. So don't go jumping to conclusions because that is just what she wants you to do. Instead play it cool and just keep reading and if you need to respond do so in a questioning manner. Don't give out your feelings or any info.

The more you make the WS and OW wonder, the greater the chance they will start LBing each other. I love that tactic. Used it and it worked well for me. LOL!!!

A bit of reverse babbling usually helps. Becareful how you use it.

Gotta go,

L.