ISgirl, you are right on the money. We just got back from FC session and he said exactly the same thing. WW needs to know that this anniversary is not like the others. Because of all I did for past anniversaries WW will know I did not forget what day it is, and neither will she, but we could not celebrate it this year.
Great job, ISgirl. I could have saved $100 tonight.

23Down:

For Services Rendered..........................................................$100.00

Due in U.S. Dollars and Payable on Receipt

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously good luck this weekend. I know it will be tough. Post here if you need support. I'll be checking in over the weekend.

Kind thoughts.

Thank you all for your support, it has gone a long way. Today I wanted to write h a letter, but put up no fight when Takola told me not to. 5 hours to one week. He told me that he did not like plan B.."I didn't marry your mother, I didn't have children with with your mother." I also remembering him saying he didn't want to talk to or see ow again, frankly, he didn't want to talk to or see me again, but I had the children so he couldn't do that. So is plan B, just what he wanted. Or is he missing yelling at me. Is he missing me running behind him fullfilling his EN. What does it mean that he doesn't even bother to call or attempt to break the NC in anyway. It just seems that I would be happier to know that I was atleast on his mind, but than again he's not calling his children either. He's only called them once this week.

It looks like the PlanB Support club will be picking up a new member. No2nos mailed PB letter to WH today. I'm sending her a welcome and encouragement. From reading her thread I believe she has a good chance of making it work.

23down,

I posted to her on her thread, and invited her over.

How are you doing this weekend? I have been thinking about you a lot. Hope you're keeping yourself busy and are taking your "stong pills." Long weekends are tough under any circumstances, but even moreso with what you're dealing with.

Take care of you.

ISG

Doing well, thanks.
Took Ds out to dinner last night and to watch Ohio State football game. (Class of '76. Defending National Champions, you know).
Tonight I am going out to a campgrounds our friends own. Could get a little dicey. Friend (call her J) is one of the ladies who was with WW on vacation where A started. Me, her H, and another friend all have birthdays in August and everyone usually gets together. I called J early August to see if we were going to do anything this year. She said it would be too uncomfortable this year so no. Found out this past week that there was a get-together but WW was invited instead of me. And then WW didn't show. Yesterday J calls to invite me out, but I didn't mention that I knew. So tonight could be interesting.
Ds have not heard from WW since Friday so we are assuming that she is spending weekend with OM again. If so it will be the first time every that they have been together two weekends in a row.
Tomorrow is anniversary but there will be no celebrating, and NC. I may be here to vent or cry, though. Thanks for your support.

23down,
Glad you're staying busy. Good luck tonight. Just remember, you have respect for you, and that's what is important. Hold your head high and act like you're moving on. Maybe J will report back to your WW about how well you're doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll be checking on the board tomorrow, so feel free to vent, cry, scream, whatever. That's why we are here.

Everyone,
Today I started working on a letter that I would send my WH if he ever approaches me to say he wants to come back and work on the marriage. I am on page four so far...some rambling thoughts, some conditions that need to be met, etc. A very cleansing exercise. I recommend it. It puts in perspective YOUR needs instead of just wallowing in sadness. It really has helped me to get a little further along the path of self-respect and to realize exactly what it is I want out of life and out of my marriage.

Good thoughts to all,

ISG

Bump...for all Plan B'ers, new and old (new and used?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ISGirl-

I like your idea about writing down what you expect out of your M, out of life. I've been thinking lots of things, but writing them down will help make them more coherent. Maybe tonight....

Nothing new here to tell. Still haven't heard from WH, it's been 3 weeks since he called inquiring about the possibility of "a relationship" with me. I've gotten some strength from hearing that even WH realizes the A is not all bliss, some kind of validation for what I already know. It's not much to go on, though. I'm moving along, living my life, detaching from WH a little more each day. The biggest thing I lost from WH's A was my family, and in the past year I've been able to reconstruct a 'new' family consisting of me, S and D. We're still getting used to the 3 of us instead of the 4 of us, but we'll be OK.

ISGirl, that was really nice of you to think of 23down today. You're a sweetie.

Lablady

Lablady,

Hi. I have been wondering about you lately, about whether you'd heard anything more from your WH. Obviously not.

The "letter" is really helping me. It is a little like developing a business plan. It is giving me the strength I need, helping me to really focus on what I will need, expect, and demand from our relationship. No shortcuts next time, no false recoveries. If/when he wants to talk, I have my own agenda, my own script.

It is a work in progress, to say the least. I think about it each day, add a little, refine a little.

Yeah, 23down really needed it. Thanks for posting to him. We have to stick together. This is a fabulous community, pulled together by grief. But isn't it nice to know that we are not alone? Friends can only do so much because they have not experienced it. You, everyone here, you all understand and care. Boy, am I glad I found you all.

ISG

I have been in Plan B now for approx. 6-7 weeks, I have to see my WW at my son's functions, football and such, I wish I didnt, but, for my son I go.

I have to agree with others that each time I see the WS, the pain is there and it takes all not to talk with her...

She is supposed to move to her new apartment with the son next week from her parents home, somehow and please dont take this wrong, you ladies have it better most of the time as the Husbands leave you with the children, it breaks my heart to drop my son off as I did today.

I still love her as she WAS before the affair, I dont even recognize her personality now......

Hello everyone, thank you for your invite. I am still lost for words. H says he still does not know what he wants, and that hurts after seventeen years together. Getting ready to be 18 this Oct. H says that it would be dumb for us to go with NC. He did not like that idea at all! Ok, he says that in hour later he leaves!!!!!! FOG FOG head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> that is his new nice name for him right now.

I'll check in later have to get ready for work you all hang in there. I hope this boat does not get to full. I hope something happens good for someone here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Welcome on board, No2nos.
Remember, everyone is here to help and support you. Now,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H says that it would be dumb for us to go with NC. He did not like that idea at all!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, if he has received your PlanB letter, how exactly do you know this?

I am finally going to go to plan b. Tried last week, couldn't handle it, but now am doing it. I am writing the letter and also telling him face to face. I know he won't like it but, it's for me not him. I can't take sharing him and ow is pregnant so that makes it all worse. He lives with her so has to be careful about when he sees me, weekends are ususally off and holidays so I might as well be alone, cause I already am. I went to visit my son and dil and granddaughter over the weekend and had a good time. Didn't really miss H. except for feeling bad because he should have been with his family, but it made me realize what crap I have been taking from him and knowing I can't keep doing the same old thing anymore. It's not working and I am just too stressed out. Missing work and being depressed and not getting things done that I need to. I've been reading a lot of the plan b stories, it seems there are a lot of people in plan b right now, must be a lot of us that can't take any more. Plus for me it has been over 1 1/2 yrs since d-day and that was with a dif. ow so I guess I am over due.

23Down

He read the letter, we had to go to lawyers about the house and afterwards when going to my car he stopped me. He said, let us get this house mess taken care of then we can talk about us, but that does not mean that I would be moving right back in after this. All I thought was ya, like I said you would I think not! Ya, right I have heard it all before. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

What I did tell him was we will see, and I have been very quite, when he comes to visit I go to my room and read or out to the flower bed, I just stay busy and he knows something is up with me. Today he finally noticed that I had taken our wedding pictures and pictures of him off the photo album wall. The wall going down the stairs to our gameroom I call it my photo album wall. They have been down for a year. I told him I didn't want to look at them, I missed him so I took them down. Ya, right, he said. I do and I turned and walked away.

The house will be taken care of next week all is looking good for it. I have talk and worked my a$$ off to save it. My name is now on it and look out world I'm going to start claiming my life back!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Full Plan B then. If I even have a chance it has been a year and a half.

He did ask if we could all go to the air show that is in town this weekend ,together and I don't know what to do? We have gone to all of them since YS was born. Even last year when we were apart we went together H wanted to.

Again God Bless everyone and thanks for being there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ September 03, 2003, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>

OK, the unforgivable has happened - we are on page 2 !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Can't have that.

Now, No2nos,

Honey, didn't you send a Plan B Letter? I thought you had. So why the conversations with WH? You have to be strong and abide by what you told him were the rules. If you start backing down immediately, he loses respect for you and the things you said in your letter won't hold water. They are just empty words.

Now about the air show. No.

Now about the air show. No.

Now about the air show. No.

Did I say No? My advice to you is no different than my advice to 23down about his anniversary. In both instances, it was something the two individuals in each marriage shared, WHEN TOGETHER. But you are not togther. You must let him experience this alone. He will think of you, miss you and the family experience. I hope it will be a good thing for him to "feel."

I don't mean to sound preachy. JMVHO. You've got to stick to your guns!

(((((((((no2nos]]]]]]]]]]]] Be strong!

ISG

Yes,I here you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Thank you Isgirl. I see what you are saying and you are right like I said he asked if we can stay talking till the house is taken care of and that will be in a couple of days so then I will go FUll Plan B. Hope all is going well for you and the others here.

I'm still in Plan B! Shhhh....it's pitch black in here!!!

Don't say that, I'll be there with you soon. lolol

Is it really that dark? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
How are you doing? (I am whispering) Go ahead you can tell.

It's going really well...I'm having a lot of fun in Plan B - I feel unfettered to do things I've wanted to do for a long time.

All of a sudden, I've become a hot, employable commodity. Never knew that some of my skills are rare and highly prized by companies willing to pay me well. By next week - I'll probably have two jobs! I've decided to become a money making machine...keeping busy is really the best solution in this whole mess.

I'm taking some night classes at the local community college. I'm learning to read music, improving my Spanish, catching up with friends whom I have neglected for far too long, going places in the city that I've never been to.

I have moments where I am acutely aware of how sad I am about my situation - and I feel really bad. I have so much to do though - that I try to find a more productive way to channel all that energy.

Infidelity sucks, but I'm trying my best to make lemonade with this orchard of lemons life seems to have given me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />