Michelle, what a sad way to be spending your anniversary! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It really is sad for your family. The idea behind not calling him is to prevent the appearance of pursuing him. If you don't call him, then he will call you. There is a huge gap between Plan B and not pursuing him.

And you are right, generally speaking, about honesty, but not in this situation. You shouldn't be lay all your cards on the table with someone from whom you need to PROTECT yourself. See what I mean? He will - and has - just use it AGAINST YOU. He doesn't have your best interest at heart now. He only has SELF INTEREST.

I think the OWH can be a great help to you in understanding what is going on with the affairees - IF - you can trust him to keep his mouth shut. I would have a talk with him and tell him what your goals are [to get back together] and explain that you could support each other, but not by exposing your contact.

Yes it was a very lonely day for me, tried not to think about it but of course that wasnt possible, I even drove by the tree we got married under...duhhhh!! Oh well day is over didnt have any contact at all with him!

I agree..I feel like he is taking what I have said and using it against me and as a po for OW and him!! If i have further contact with OW H I will not be informing my H about it!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think the OWH can be a great help to you in understanding what is going on with the affairees - IF - you can trust him to keep his mouth shut. I would have a talk with him and tell him what your goals are [to get back together] and explain that you could support each other, but not by exposing your contact. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not sure I can trust this man, he says he wants his wife back badly but then goes on about getting full custody of his kids and her never seeing them again! Si I am not sure if he genuinekly wants her back and is just very angry right now (understandably) or if he is just trying to get info from me to go to court!! It was him that told his wife of the fisrt conversation we had and that is how my H found out...snd someone..either OW or her H twisted things I said...couild ahve been him, to make things look scarier to her or could ahve been OW to make me look bad to my H, I have no way of knowing!! So as you can imagine i am leary about further contact with her H!

Melody, I will continue to try and distnace myself and let him make all the fist moves for everyhitng!! I havent heard from him and he is supposed to take the kids tonihgt, so I made plans and now I am not sure if he will be showing up or not, but have decided if he has not called or is not here by 6:30 or 7 i will either find a sitter or take them with me (it is somewher ethey can go also, but it was just going to be a mummy night lol)

michelle

Just u[dateing you melody, have had no word from my H at all...I arranged a sitter for the kids and am going to keep my plans and go out!! I have no idea if he will call or try and come and get them later or maybe he wont bother until tomorrow now!! Anyways, just thot i owuld let you know, I have not tried to call him at all to see whats going on as i usually would do!
Michelle

Michelle, good girl!! I am glad you are getting out. Maybe you can take your mind off it for a while?

Well, i got out...was not the most exciting night was hoping it would have turned out differently but it was still good to get o9ut ! My H phone number shows on my phone at aslmoct 10pm last night....nice of him to call, whatever!! Anyways is almost 10 am now and still no call from him this morning...am supposed to be going out...kids can come with me but not sure how long i should give him to call or if one of my kids should maybe call him...if my son askes to call him i will say yes but not sure if i should suggest they call him?? So now i have to decide when i've waited long enough before i leave
Michelle
ps....as for taking my mind off of things melody..i sometimes fine going out makes me more sad..i seee all tyhe couples and think we shou;ld be here togetehr...kinda hard, but i cant let it make me sit and mope!!

Michelle, I know what you mean about seeing the other couples! It is hard, isn't it? But sometimes it is better than sitting at home alone.

If your son wants to call him, I would let him. And if your DH doesn't offer to come get him, then make other plans.

Listen, part of the reason you shouldn't call him is if he doesn't call for the kids it is because of his own poor choices. By calling him and reminding, pushing him, you are not only lovebusting but protecting him from doing what he really wants to do, which is be selfish. In other words, you are giving him enough rope to hang himself.

I think you are doing great, Michelle. Sorry you didn't have a better time last night!

Do NOT have any contact with H or OW. You are giving them something to focus on, something to talk about, a battle to win together, something that is bringing them closer together. Leave them alone and let reality take over. Take the focus off of yourself and let them focus on each other. They are two selfish, unhealthy people who lie and cheat and eventually they will turn on each other if given the opportunity.

Pana, she is not in Plan B and hasn't been in contact with the OW. She is still working on Plan A and doing a darn good job of it this weekend.

H called just before i was thinking about bvetggin ready to leave for thw day, asked mwe if i could drop kids of...of course i did its 3 minutes away and i was leaving anyways!! Asked where i was going I said name of city (which by the way is where OW H lives lol...I knew he would be freaked, but its really whjere i was going..not to see him though) He was like oh..are you going to see him, I said not that its any of your business, but no i am not but i know he was prob still thinking abouot it knowing I would be so close!! LOL cant remember what else we said but somehting to do with that briught up me sayion g that he made it pretty clear how he wanted things, and he started to say something...he was like shell, I wasnt....then he stopped and I just carried on conversation, didint try and get anything out of him, but the fact that he said that mademe think he realized maybe justa bit that some of the things he emailed were wrong, but i left it alone!
He asked if i could pick kids back up by about 5..i put him on hold( to think about it lol) and then said I should be , he had to go to work for 7, I said well if I am not back in time for bus, I coukld drive you..he was like, really? you wouldnt mind? I said you know I dont!! SO we left it at that..it was totally good.
I called him to ask him to go get diapwers he said no prob! I rushed to be back in time to get him to work, kids called my cell2 times to see where i was, so I was hurrying..when I get there he brings out baby and stuff and i say do you want to drive, he said no its ok thanks, i was kinda confused and told him..he said he didnt need a drive, he wasnt ready to go yet, and he wasnt sure how he was getting to work, i was pretty annoyed, and i mentioned to him i had hurreid etc why didnt he call me and let me know?? ANyways he was being totally different then he had been earlier, a [censored], I would say!!
SO I have no idea what the hell!!! I am so confused, i love him so much and yet he is being such a different person!!
Michelle

it's ok, Michelle, they go back and forth like that. He knows he should feel guilty about what he is doing and it comes through some times. Then he starts feeling bad and reminds himself what an evil ogre you are in order to justify his bad behavior! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Its all straight out of the WS alien code book.

You did very good by staying away from any relationship talk and not allowing him to pull you into a fight. They will try to get you to fight.

I know its painful, but this is going very good. You are doing great!

Thanks melody, I would just like to say thanks for all the support you have been offering me over these last few days continuinjg to follow my posts, it means alot!! I will let you know what happens next...not sure if i will hear from H via email tonight or not!!
Michelle