Is this the usual way an affair ends??

My WW left and confessed to be with other man who is also married. But they never moved into gether.

I plan "A" when I could then at the first week of June my WW went no-contact on me when OM told her the affair was over. She needed time and space.

Ok - 6 weeks into her no-contact stage she knocks on my door to see how I'm when she's picking up some mail. (I later find out from OM wife that this is about the same time that OM has been slowly trying to reach out to his wife)

Ok - 2 weeks later I ask WW if she's still seeing OM and if I'am now part of her past. WW doesn't awnser question regarding her contact with OM and tells me she's not sure what the future holds and asks if I would like to get a drink after work. (now this is a little differant from her previous stance that "our marriage is over")(I also find out from OM wife the next day that OM has been calling his wife daily almost begging to work on there marriage but he still can't break contact with my WW)

Ok - 2 weeks later this friday OM wife calls me and tells me the affiar is still ongoing on some level as her husband (the OM) is still calling but now seems frozen about his feelings towards his marriage and my WW who he still can't breack contact with. He now doesn't know if he loves my WW and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

Is this type of confussion and fence sitting common in an affair that is disolving??

Should I tell my WW what's been going on between OM and his Wife? I don't think my wife knows to what extent if any that he's talking to his wife or the details of the conversations. It's almost like the OM is now cheating on my WW.

Or should I maybe try and reach out to my WW and continue on a strong Plan A?

it's right on the money and called Cake Walking!
They try to keep what they have but dont' want to give up the OP.
Funny how so many endure this over and over.
I scared OW so bad in my H's A I thing she'd never try anything with him again.
She lives many states away and there has been NC for almost 2 yrs.
Fogland? I think when we use this term with our cheating spouses we simply have given them an excuse to throw back at us so they won't give it up.
Sorry, but I won't or didn't give mine any fog to walk around in. He had to make a choice and quickly because I was ready to move on, dump him and find my own happiness.
It's like a blue light special at K-mart. It's grab it now or never!Of course, at my age, I don't feel like wasting more precious years on anyone who would string me along!
LouLou

goodguy, I think you have a great opportunity right now to attract her with a solid Plan A while it seems her affair is falling apart. If you went to Plan B right now, it would throw her in his arms and make her decision for her. Since she left so quickly, you really didn't get an opportunity to do a good Plan A. NOW you have that opportunity.

I am torn about telling her that the OM is talking to his wife. Because, it could serve to make them band together against a common enemy; make them defensive in other words.

On the other hand, it might explode their relationship. I want to think on that more and hope some of the others weigh in with their thoughts about exposing this too.

Has the OM's wife been doing a Plan A? Has she done a good enough one that she could move to Plan B at this point? Can you send her here? It would help ENORMOUSLY if you both were practicing MB principles.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>
Is this type of confussion and fence sitting common in an affair that is disolving??

?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is straight out of the book! It is classic WS behavior.

NewBranch,

I agree with the cake walking. I guess it just shows how week the affair relationship is from the OM stand point. If it was strong he would know by now that he's in love with my WW and they are ment to be.

The hard part for me is trying to guage what my WW is feeling regarding OM and myself. I guess only time will tell.

MelodyLane,

your right that I have not had much time to Plan A as my wife left. And virtualy no time since the first week of June when she went no-contact on me.

As for the OM wife I told her about the site months ago and don't know what her efforts have been. (though the OM is spinning so she's doing something right)

I do know she just told her husband that she's had enough of his fence sitting and unless he stops contacting my WW and is serious about there marriage he shouldn't contact her any more other than the business regarding there divison of property etc. She just went Plan B on him basicly. She's now on a weeks holiday and he doesn't know where she is. OM wife said her husband was devistated by her Plan B statements.

I will hold off on talking to my WW regarding the OM conversations and interactions with his wife until I have more input. Maybe it should be left to OM wife to deliver the death blow when she's had enough of her husbands anticts.

I'm sure happy I'm not the OM or my WW. There relationship has to be filled with termoil, stress and the Takers must surely be out in full force. After all if OM isn't happy and my WW isn't happy that can't make for a happy relationship.

Part of Plan A is exposure of the continuing affair to BOTH the BS and WS closest friends and family as well as the OP's spouse. Without exposure, the BS is only enabling the affairees. Have you exposed the affair yet?

First of all, I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I have mixed feelings reading your post as far as telling you what I think you should do.

I'm posting here from the perspective of a former cheater. BTW, my exH never spoke with former OM nor did he speak with exOM's wife. I didn't speak with her either, and the A lasted four years including the beginning internet relationship. OM and I lived close to each other the last awful year of it.

I think the A should be exposed, as Coffeeman has said. Mine never really was to the extent that it probably should have been, but the A ended nonetheless.

I feel on the one hand that you should tell your wife of OM's conversations with and feelings regarding his wife. I know in my situation that the exOM continually said it was over with his wife, and even moved 400 miles from her--but he would never call her in front of me and ask about the status of their divorce.(To my knowledge he's still married) I'm sure that he was telling her things that were quite different than what he was telling me. I would have liked to hear what exactly was truly being said to her, instead of his lies. I had my suspicions, but confirmation would have been good. OTOH, maybe I would have thought exOM's wife was lying. The fog is thick!

In my case, for example, let's imagine that my exH had been more proactive in trying to break up the affair. It seems you are being more proactive about it--my goodness, you're here on MB! I feel it would have ended much sooner as my husband's non-reaction bothered me at the time.

You also said, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm sure happy I'm not the OM or my WW. Their relationship has to be filled with turmoil, stress and the Takers must surely be out in full force. After all if OM isn't happy and my WW isn't happy that can't make for a happy relationship. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What a sensitive, kind thing for you to say in light of the betrayal and pain you feel. You're absolutely right! The adulterous relationship I had was awful as far as turmoil and stress go. It was hideous at times, almost like a 'high school soap opera' emotional level. I can't tell you the number of times OM got out of the car dramatically (I always drove) or one of us hung up on each other. In a thirty year relationship with my exH, no one has ever hung up on anyone on the phone. ExOM and I behaved so immaturely in every sense of the word!

I don't know if I've helped, but I feel the best thing you can do is be loving and kind towards your wife. My exH always was, even though he didn't want to work things out. This kindness from him was always seen in sharp contrast to the over the top 'icky' behavior of the blunt ExOM.

Don't give up on your wife coming out of the fog and returning to you. It does happen. Took a lot longer for me to come out of it, and in part it was due to the fact that for most of the A the ExOM lived so far away. That distance fueled the fire of fantasy.

Take care ,
H_P

Hello Toomuch,

Yes the affair was exposed shortly after my WW left and confessed in mid March.

My WW has cut off all contact with our friends and my family. The affiar has put strain within her family relationships as well as OM family. OM has no friends.

OM moved hundreds of miles away from his life to be closer to my WW. He's lost a good job, nice house, circle of friends and now lives paycheck to paycheck in a small and expensive highrise in a big city and he's not a big city guy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>

Should I tell my WW what's been going on between OM and his Wife? I don't think my wife knows to what extent if any that he's talking to his wife or the details of the conversations. It's almost like the OM is now cheating on my WW.
?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">goodguy, I have thought about this all afternoon and I think you can do this in a way that might not make her defensive and serve a good purpose. Done rightly, it would drive a huge wedge between she and the OM.

Very calmly tell her that you have been in contact with the OMW and wonder if she wants to know some things that she might not be aware of. Qualify this with: "I have spoken to OMW and I am concerned that some things might be going on about which you have no knowledge." Then lay out the STARK FACTS. No opinion, no OM bashing, no judgement.

If she expresses disbelief, tell her she is free to call the OMW to verify what you have said. She very likely is not getting the whole story, and he has already demonstrated that he will lie, as he did with his own wife.

If she, upon asking OM, comes back and tells you he has denied it all, ask her if this isn't the pattern that he demonstrated with his wife?

Hopeful_person

I'm sure my WW is in the same place you once found yourself. I very much doubt the OM is letting my wife know of his conversations and previous physical meetings with his wife. Just two weeks ago OM told his wife he wanted to go see her (500+ mile drive). She said no. Not until he left my WW.

The strange thing about all this is I'm pissed at OM for what he now seems to be doing to my WW. I asked him months ago if he had any question regarding his feelings towards my WW to leave and not drag her on emotional. IF my WW is in the dark then she's about to hit another emotional bottom in the near future.

which leads me to,

Melody Lane's comments,

I will consider your approach but may leave it for the OM's wife to deliver to my WW. She hates my WW as they were good friends.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>

Melody Lane's comments,

I will consider your approach but may leave it for the OM's wife to deliver to my WW. She hates my WW as they were good friends.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't realize that your intention was to have the OMW deliver the bad news! What is the plan?

MELODYLANE,

No plan at all. It's just an option as it's been OM wife who has been calling and updating me.

I think she wants this infomation to get out and given her anger towards my WW and frustration with her husbands actions my be the ideal person to send my WW the juicy details.

If I do break the news to my WW I will take your approach. It will be delivered as infomation that I've been told and my WW can take it for what it is or ignore it.

Would she believe it coming from the OMW? The more I think about it, the more I think you are right, that it is a good idea to let her in on the whole truth. Hopefully, it will bring things to a quicker end.

In the meantime, I do think Plan A is a good place for you to be. That way, you will be standing there ready when the fantasy falls apart.