I needed a new name. I'm not, nor did I do what h did, and I don't belive this event should define me.
Red is the color I dyed my hair. It said dark auburn on the box, but it's more red (not orange- more like fire engine red) than anything else.
I have a long and difficult journey ahead of me. Not sure where to start.
I'm having a tough time dealing with my H's anger. It's a side of hime I have never seen. When he said he wouldn't care if I had en affair, it never crossed my mind that he would.
I'm stuck on that. He said he wouldn't care, I've lived the last year believing that, now he does care, and he's really angry.
Somebody help me understand this- both sides, please.

My exH once said he'd rather see me cheat, than get a divorce. He lives now to regret those words. I cheated, and we're also divorced due to it.

People say things in anger that they don't really mean at all.

But, believe me..even if he does mean it, and I'm sure he doesn't-cheating isn't worth any 'thrill' you might think you'll get out of it. It's the biggest downfall of my life, and one I'll never quite live down in my own eyes.

Again, I don't think he meant it at all. Some people can't express themselves very well, so I feel they spew out whatever comes to their head at the moment without really realizing the impact of their words.

Just my take,
Hopeful

He said it calmly, in a discussion not an arguement. The words cut me deeply. It meant he didn't care. All along I felt like he was staying with me because of the kids, like he would tolerate me.
His words have gone through my mind every day for the last year or so. It never occurred to me to ask him if he really meant what he said. He usually doesn't speak freely about his feelings. When he does, I take it as gospel.
Those words were the last thing to go through my mind before I went ahead with my TNS (2 night stand). 'He's not going to care, he said so himself'.
Now I find out that he cares. He more than cares. He's furious. He feels that so much has changed for us in the last 6 months, and that he's working so hard at our marriage. I don't see it. My EN's continue to go unmet. His A issues remain a mystery ( not dealt with).
And he said he wouldn't care. He says I should have asked him again if he meant that. Because he wasn't thinking clearly when he said that.
SO how much of what he has said in the last 5 years CAN I believe??? I feel like I have to start writing everything down, especially the things that hurt, so at some future date, I can ask him if what he said on Sept. 15th about me not doing something right is still true, or if he's changed his mind.
That's no way to live. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
How do you build communication and trust after so much damage has been done?