Divorce papers came in the mail yesterday, they stated (on the grounds of irreconcilable differences because the parties have been unable to resolve their marital problems, making continuation of their marriage impossible). This statement really made me angry because H never wanted to even try to resolve anything. <BR> All I have to do is sign them in front of a notary and send them back , it says we waive the right to a 90 day waiting period, H’s idea. H wants me to sign them right away and send them back so he can get on with his life. <BR>I am going to do just that, what’s the point in even getting a lawyer, I give up…..he wants this so bad and so quick, except in his eyes he says it’s not quick because he’s been wanting it for a long time and why drag out whats going to happen anyway.<BR> I don’t agree with it, but why make things worse, it’s just a piece of paper . My feelings for him haven’t and won’t change for a long time. I told him I love him and all he could say was "I know". <P>I wish things could have worked out. I'm even loosing faith. I'm terrified of the future and of being alone the rest of my life. Maybe signing the papers will somehow make me "get on with my life".

LA46 -<P>I'm so sorry for all you have been through and what is still yet to come.<P>I was served a couple of months ago and when I had to look at the Irreconcilable Differences garbage.....well, it just made me sick!!! <P>You must go with what you feel - if you don't want to wait then sign and be done with it. Just make sure that you have covered yourself and are getting all that you deserve in the divorce. I would consult a lawyer just to make sure. There might be things that you are not thinking of.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you and here's a BIG HUG cuz I sure know that I needed one when I got my papers!!!<P>Strength and Love,<P>Sheba<P>

LA<P>I think that irreconcilable difference stuff is SOP... the papers I filed said the same thing and that wasn't even my reason for filing! I honestly think lawyers have fill-in-the-blank forms on their computers...<P>Please have an attorney at least look at them before you sign them. Not signing will only get you served, but at the very least you need to look out for your best interest. And if you're not up to that, you need someone who is.<P>I wish there was something magic I could say to make it easier for you, but all I can tell you is that it will be okay. Hugs to you...<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie

LA46....<P>Please consult the assistance of an attorney. Although it is difficult, try not to let your emotions take over. Please look out for your best interests and have those papers looked at before you sign....Good Luck!

Thanks sheba and patient,<BR>There really isn't any reason for a lawyer to look at them, I'm not getting anything.. no alamony or anything else, he's been laid off since a couple of weeks ago so I don't want to cause hardship on him and he didn't have any retirement so there is nothing in that area. Our daughter is grown and one her own and we didn't own a house.<BR> All a lawyer will say is that they look in order, I compaired them to my brothers papers who went through the same thing and they are almost identicle in the wording except for the property stuff.<BR>I've also decided to keep my married name, I've had it longer then I had my maiden name. I want to keep some sort of conection with him. Thats not being totally crazy is it?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Hoping all your dreams and wishes come true<BR>Linda<P>

Patient - The legal reasons for divorce seem to be an over-reaction to what was available years ago. It used to be that when a couple decided to divorce, even if it was amiable, one partner or the other would have to file the divorce citing something like "mental cruelity" and provide justification. This meant that in a lot of cases a public lie had to be produced depicting the other person as some kind of perverted psychopath. But you could also cite valid reasons such as adultery. In addition, lots of states used to allow you to sue the OP for "alienation of affection".<P>Later on, some states made "no-fault" divorce an option to the other reasons. Now this seems to be the trend. In some states "no-fault" is the only option and divorces cannot be contested, just the property settlement.<P>For example, in Colorado, where I filed, the only requirement for a divorce is one party to file a petition stating that the marriage is "irretrievably broken". The other party may dispute this, but cannot affect the end result. For mutually agreed upon divorces, this is great as it allows the parting without making up a series of "crimes" by one partner. On the other hand, there are few if any options for a spouse who wants to contest the divorce.<P>I just chalk it up to changing times....

In a long term marriage, you are eligible for certain rights, aren't you? Do the divorce papers include those things - an equitable property settlement - your share of the retirement account - and spousal support?<P>If those things are included, then I would just sign them, and avoid complications with your x. But if not, then I would get to my negotiating table and see what you could do to include them.<P>You also could ask him if you could agree to this but to hold of finalizing the divorce for 2 years - because maybe in 2 years things may change?<P>Thanks for updating us, I think about you often.

Although I had our separation papers drawn up, it still made me nauseous when I signed them. Our "fill in the blank" line was "due to unhappy circumstances". The separation papers protect me financially. If one or the other wants a divorce, separate papers have to be drawn up. Unless something changes, if he wants a divorce he will have to be the one to file. LA46 -- it is natural to be fearful of being alone the rest of our lives, etc. We've been wife and mom for so long that it's hard to think along the lines of "being a woman" again. Time will heal many wounds. We don't need relationships until our hearts heal. No advice on whether or not to sign papers or wait on him to serve. It just seems like you deserve SOMETHING out of the marriage, even if it's just spousal support when he becomes employed full time once again.

LA46, Please do take the papers too an attorney even tho your husband is not working at this point doesnt mean he wont be the day he recieves your papers back. You have the right to go back after him for maint. untill you remarry, Do not let him denie you of that.My divorce was just final 3 weeks ago and that is something that seems to be pretty standard with all states. Godd luck and GODBLESS YOU. <BR>Sometimes putting an end to things helps put the hurt to rest and allows us to go and see things in a new light. To everyend a new beginning.

I am so sorry you are going through this. But what ever you do, get a lawyer to look over those papers before you sign them. I understand where you are coming from, but you need to protect yourself.

signing the papers is like jumping into a pool of cold water. it's really tough to do but not so bad afterwards.<BR>i signed my seperation papers for my first marriage and recall how hurt my now xw and i were at the time.<BR>by the time we decided to file for a divorce, both of us were living with with someone else and so signing the divorce papers were a walk in the park. we had to agree to lie about grounds just to have justification. my w now, acted as my xw's witness. what a joke. glad it's over. i think now it may have been one of my best decisions. i found the grass was greener on the other side.<BR>i'm confident you'll find greener grass too.<BR>good luck!!!

frankie, If the “grass is greener on the other side”, why did you cheat on your current Wife?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>