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U do what U need to do. The OW should no better than to have an A while her mother is ill.
Plan B if that is what you need. Do NOT take the OW's issues into consideration. Her issues are not your concern. Does that sound mean? Nope it is fair. The OW certainly does not care about any of your concerns now does she?
Let your H deal with these issues. He wants to be a cakeman let him find out what it is really like.
L.
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Thank you, I hope you all will stay with me here and help support me in this Plan B. My stomach has been sick since Wed. Starten to feel... I don't know what to feel at this point. I care! I don't care! Just thinking aloud. Hope you have a nice day Orchid. Thanks to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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Ok... H came today and I was not here and Holly sh%t, He was not a happy camper. I was not even home five mins and he was calling on the phone MIL answered the phone for me and it was him she told him I was in the bathrooma and he said he would hold on. Next I here MIL say I don't know maybe she feel in. So I took the phone I thought ok short answers to him I can do this. Quess what he did just what Ark said he would. First he said, I did nothing to you to make you not want to be around me. (YA right!!!) I said, I can't be here no more is that all you wanted. Now he was getting a tone with me and here it came, Will you be there Sunday? I said no. H says What Ever, while then zack and I will go some where. Fear came over me but I thought of you guys and kept my cool and thought of what ark said and I said in a calm voice ok. Now he was really pissed. I said, do you want him ready by 12:oo. What ever H said. Will you be back at 4 or 6? What ever, good by and he hung up on me.I was shaking so bad. I kept my cool though. I thank you all I would not be able to do this with out you and I hope and pray to God that I am doing the right thing and I hope it gets easier these past two times really suck and I get sick to my stomach, headachs. I just want to go have a good cry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Please you guys stand by me with this I will need it. Don't let me fall please!!!!!Its hard when it comes to Y son getting in the middle of it. Thanks To all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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N2n,
Get the kids settled, go take a hot bath, take deep breaths, cry your eyes out. Get rid of it.
Get out of the tub and do something wonderful: fragrant body lotion, something that doesn't take a lot of work.
Lie on your bed, lights low, put on some soothing music (nothing that has "memories").
R - E - L - A - X.
Move past this moment.
You have made a step forward. See how good it feels. Every day will be just a little better. Some days you will backslide, but when you move forward the next day, it's still a gain.
Tomorrow is a new day, the day is born fresh. Allow yourself to enjoy the early morning...sunrise (if you get up that early). Just enjoy the world in which you live.
We are here for you!
*S*
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Thanks Sparkle for the kind words. I will do that in a little while it sounds great! Is this a normal reaction from him or am I missing up and going to push him away? How are you and how are things for you? Thnaks To All <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <small>[ November 07, 2003, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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IMO, he is fighting to be a cake-eater.
PLEASE, PLEASE...stay true to your Plan B.
I really am starting to believe it may work. I fought it for a very long time...found it hard to believe. Now, I think I am crossing over to the MB side - please, N2N...be strong, sweetie. Do what Mortarman and others advise. Look at Mimi's thread. Remember, they fought long and hard for their marriages, and while their recovery is in infancy stages, it does seem to be working
Harley knows. No guarantees, but if anything is going to work, this is the closest chance you have to making it!
*S*
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I here ya! I am just scared. I have to do this! I wish I could get Mortarman or Too much coffee to post here to get their opion. Thanks for helping I really mean it! Thnaks To all <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <small>[ November 07, 2003, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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NO2.. I know this must hard hard hard... but remember the bigger picture.. that this guy comes over and wants to pretend...big happy family...leaves and goes to OW...over and over... It's insane...and he's gonna get pissy that you don't want to play anymore... BUT even your not wanting to play is not about him and his actions...it's all about you... He will escalate and become very attention seeking...but the more calm steady and removed you remain...(the more he will escalate at first <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )...the sooner he will realize he better try a different route with you since it's not working... as dr. Phil would say to him.. How's this working for ya?? Implore MIL to be even more vigilant and standing stronger that she's not available to talk... consider more email contact.. No2 is anger may make him become more in your face with the OW and your son...but even that is not of your doing...and is not your fault.... you gotta ride it out....he is forcing his hand since you aren't playing his way right now... no contact...none...to the very very best of your ability... the alternative is to return to the visiting husband who pretends all is good then abandons you and the children each time he leaves... you deserve better no2 I believe in ya... ARK
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Thank you Carol, I will read your post and let you know. I really thank you for your post.
Ark Thanks I will hang in there.
What am I to do about Y son, he started cring last night for the longest about him wanting me to be here when daddy is here, please don't go when daddy is here. It has put me in the mood from hell today. I don't want to hurt my child.I tried to tell him.
The support on this side is very little,my friend who I have been friends with for 20 some years is about the only one backing me, but that is after I got her here to read about it. So she understands some. They all look at me like I am a fool. They final pissed me off and I told them you all found it easier to walk away from your marrige, me I will work at mine I really love my husband. So you all hang with me please!!!!
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No2Nos, I'm here, and I hear you!! I have no support except here and dear Penny, and it's LONELY.
Keep strong, keep quiet, keep dark. You will make it through this. You will, you will, you will. And no matter what happens, YOU WILL SURVIVE. And you'll be a GREAT N2N when you're done. Trust me on this one.
Your neighbor sounds like a wonderful start for support. And where are you? Maybe there's an MBer near you who can lend an ear in person. If not, send me an e-mail at justj_mb@hotmail.com, and we'll chat.
Time for an update to my thread, too.
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Carol K! You're a legend! Thanks!
<small>[ November 09, 2003, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>
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N2N,
I haven't posted to you before, but...girl if you need encouragement that you are doing the right thing, read this post from the very beginning, like I did this morning.
Look at how many times he lied to you, how he keeps doing the same thing over and over.
Like you said he keeps dragging you back into the fog.
Girl, listen to these smart people. Plan B is the way for you. Stay strong for you kids sake.
You're doing the best thing for you and your marriage....keep it up and keep up your courage. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
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THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR TIME!! Tomorrow will be the hardest, so All I can do is try and pray. Thanks for every kind word. Carol K I read and thanks a whole lot it helped and gave me hope. Late for work will write more later. Thanks to all <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <small>[ November 11, 2003, 02:26 PM: Message edited by: No2nos ]</small>
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"Carol K! You're a legend!"
A.M.Martin, that is soooo funny! I am just a regular person, altho I am one of the most perservering people you will find (hence my absolute conviction that I was NOT going to give up till EVERY, and I mean EVERY stone was overturned)....
Carol
ps. very swamped right now, so I just occasionally pop in and mostly lurk. Hubby and I just started new biz together...besides the ones we already had, LOL (he has one, and I have one...and now we have another one together, which I am going to enjoy because it is a joint effort).
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Well, send me your email address, and I'll do the writing. I tried to contact you MONTHS ago!
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How are things??
Hope you are well and starting to feel relief from not being in all the drama..
ARK
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Thanks Ark. I am feeling very depressed about all of this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> and well I feel I am making the drama now. H came over Sunday and OSon let him in had Zack a bag pack and his car seat ready for him to take him like he said he was going to do and I stayed in my room thinking he was going to go .He stayed, the whole time here. I work third shift so I had been up for awhile, I just stayed in my room, have not done that in years. I just layed around for me. It was hard, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but I never utter a word or came out and boy that was hard. Zack also asked me to stay and I don't want him to think when he asks one of his parent to stay they are not so I did what I could. It really felt funny not cooking Sunday dinner. H FINALLY left later then his normal time. I will hold my ground I just have all the thoughts that everyone else has. The thougths of pushing him to her. Him saying well fine I have ow so good luck. I have all this stupid stuff going through my brain, but in my heart I feel I could not have lasted much longer the way it was going. I have needs also and I want to be kissed like a lover and held like a lover talked to like a lover, and respected like a lover I want to be the wife. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Thanks to All <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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N2N, you are strong and good and wonderful, and I'm so glad tha tyou made it through the day just lying in your room! There's NOTHING wrong with resting for a day (heck, most religious folks think God ordered us to do it, in fact), and we rarely really do it.
My only suggestion is that you prepare for next time: Stash a good book (Calvin & Hobbes, perhaps?), several apples, a bag of something salty, and a few bits of something sweet, and you've got your own ready-made afternoon of relaxation!
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No2 follow your thinking... The thougths of pushing him to her. Him saying well fine I have ow so good luck. If you let your HUSBAND live with OW...night after night...but let him come over and play dad whenever he wants...then everything is OK.... but if you say....do what you do...as for me I will no longer give my blessings and pretend that it is normal or OK>..then somehow... ALL HIS ACTIONS ALL HIS DOINGS ALL HIS CAKE_EATING FENCE SO FAR UP HIS REAR SITTING... is none of his doing and all your fault!!!!!!!!!!! uuuggghhhh!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> No2.. Don't let them visit at your house... better for you to be up..and have someone say...sorry...we have plans...some people are coming over...you and Zach need not be here... If you are not ready for that go somewhere.. go to the bookstore....put a big old newspaper over your head and sleep in a chair if you must.. blessings to you... breathe deeply and feel the independance within your self of not playing his make believe game... ARK
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