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Pops response to Murph94 :
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">in my own experience with this i was completely lost when all this hell came out in the open. i felt that there was no way i could go on without my w in my life. it seemed that i was trapped in at every turn. financialy, how could i raise my kids alone, how could i manage as head of my household without her, how could i explain this to my kids and tuck them in at night with tears in their eyes.
but as i was living through the trials i realized that i was in fact doing everything i was so afraid of anyway. this gave me a feeling of freedom. then i heard a pat benitar (sp?) song "i'm gonna harden my heart" and things fell into place. i was not rude to fullhouse (fh) (my w) or mean to her in any way. i just started to make plans for a life without her. i prepared divorce papers, started changing the house out of her name, let her know matter of factly that when she left she could take any and all things she wanted out of the house. there was Nothing here that made me feel sentimental or was worth me fighting with her over. and i started going out with friends without her. i didn't allow myself to fall into an A but i even went to a reunion with an old friend (female) from school.
these were huge things in her decision to try and come back and work on our marriage. she told me that it made her realize that i was just eraseing her from my life. i had no intention of doing that and in mb terms i quess that was a form of plan A.
interesting fact here is that when i first felt she was falling into her early EA my friends told me to do exactly those things i mentioned above. i refused as i was in denial or to blind to believe that she would actually have an affair. you know what they say about hind sight.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you see how conquering your fear, accepting and making peace with the possibility of the end of the marriage can in many cases help save it?