Hi all,

I know it may seem that I come on and get advice and then just disappear, but that is not the case. I have had many problems with my former pc and have finally found a pc that works. I really need some open-minded advice. For those not familiar with my story I will try to add the link at the bottom of this topic.

My WH and I have been "reconciled" since May 2003, when he was released from jail for his 90 day violation. During this time I have tried to redevelop the feelings that I have had for the entirety of our 8 yr marriage. However, I have come to realize that my love bank is very empty. I don't even have the desire to go to counseling with him. I don't even look at him the same anymore.

Even though my WH left me in June 2002, that was NOT the first time that he has left me for months at a time during our marriage, but this is the first time I have EVER felt like this. During the whole time from 6.02-12.03 I was desperately wanting his return. As time went on I got accustomed tobeing without him and met someone else. I have grown close to this person but I will not cheat on my WH with him.

I just have deep feelings for him and he help to sustain me during my troubled times even though he didn't know the situation between my WH and I. I want to know what to do. I don't know what to do...PLease read my story and give me advice...This man has NOTHING to do with me no longer loving my WH, I owe that to him, himself.

A brief synopsis of my MY STORY- scroll to the top of the page

<small>[ August 23, 2003, 09:29 PM: Message edited by: luvhazeleyes ]</small>

hazel,

Aside from your H going to jail, leaving you for months at a time, trying to impregnate his 23 year old OW.....you've got someone else in your life and can't understand why your love bank is empty?

I'm not sure what the question is LOL? Let me ask you one. Do you want to stay married to your husband?

If the answer is "no", and you just want someone to tell you that it's okay....well I'm not sure I can do that. I'm not saying you shouldn't move on, in fact I think quite possibly you should....but having an A of your own isn't the way to do it. You make this statement:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As time went on I got accustomed tobeing without him and met someone else. I have grown close to this person but I will not cheat on my WH with him.

I just have deep feelings for him and he help to sustain me during my troubled times even though he didn't know the situation between my WH and I.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You say you won't cheat on your H....and I am certain you mean "physically" but you have already cheated "emotionally"....can you understand that. It is obvious that you have let this man meet your emotional needs....surely you can see that, right? I won't condemn you for that, but you are not READY for a relationship with someone else when you haven't even ended your marriage. And frankly, I think you are in need of some counseling to find out why you have chosen someone as destructive as your husband so that you make better choices in the future.

If you do want to save your marriage, well the first order of business will be ending the EA. Are you living with your H? Is he still seeing the OW? What is the current status of your marriage?

That is the thing, I don't feel any desire in my heart anymore to continue the marriage. I currently want to end my M but my WH sort of intimidates me into staying. I am a MUCH different woman than prior to him having the A. Basically I would have never considered leaving my husband had this not been the umteempth time he did this to me, and now I realize the marriage is over..just not legally.

Yes, I guess you can say that I did cheat emotionally, however, before anything progressed with this OM(emotionally-that is) I tried and tried and tried to save my marriage and the love I had left for my H, but it slipped away. My husband threatens physical violence if I ever wanted to be with someone else....

Actually this AM I didn't want any affection and he actually cursed at me and got angry because I didn't want to be hugged on and rubbed..I am sick of him..really I am..I just don't know what to do

LHE

Hazel,

Your H would probably intimidate me too. Just as side question....has he ever hit you? Does he curse at you regularly?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Your H would probably intimidate me too. Just as side question....has he ever hit you? Does he curse at you regularly?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes he has hit me in the past and when he gets VERY angry he will definately curse...even if not at me, he will still curse while speaking. He has a nasty attitude at times towards me, I have never really saw him display that to anyone else. The only thing that makes it easy to stay sometimes is the fact that that he cooks every night..What a reason to stay...!!!!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by luvhazeleyes:
<strong>What a reason to stay...!!!!!!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But you OM is not a reason to go either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

Solve one problem at a time and don't complicate your life -rh-

RH

Thanx for replying, but I honestly don't know WHAT to do. Im still learning here, but I feel as I almost hate my WH. Thats horrible for me, and I NEVER, EVER thought I'd feel this way.

LHE

BUMPING FOR ADVICE