can anyone tell me, how long it takes for real life to kick in, when you are a husband who has left his wife,and is living with the ow, and has been for 12 weeks, but only got caught 4 weeks ago?And has just been to spain for 2 weeks with ow?

my husband has lied and lied for 14 weeks in total. Swore blind there was no-one else.turns out he is with a co-worker. He told her our marriage was over. Told me, it wasn't.

He did everything to cover his tracks and eventually I decided to track him down and I found him in a very intimate position with her. I was looking through their window. He panicked and she told me that h had told her that I had chucked him out of our home.

Liar, liar, so now he wants me to divorce him on the grounds of his adultery.I wasn't going to, but I've since changed my mind. What is the point of holding on, it would just make him hate me more.

I have kept my dignity in all this, but I have today sent him an e-mail, telling him that he can divorce me. HE has lost ME. He has never thought of it this way round. He has been secure in the knowledge that I have always wanted to restore the marriage.

Can anyone tell me what he may be thinking? He seemed bothered at first and now that I have exposed him, (and our children, who are all grown, now know,)he seems to hate me and is justifying his actions by saying that he hasn't loved me for the last 15 years of our 20 year marriage !!!!

I've e-mailed him the thread from 'foreverhers'. I'm sure he will just delete it. Where are you God? Ive been praying to you. I don't think that God wants us to be together. thisso.

It is very disrespectful to "think" you know what God "wants" ....

There is enough pain for you here without your piling more on upon yourself.

God loves you.

Hold on.

This is not even getting started.

read and read and read ....

Make no sudden moves.

Breathe.

Patience is the order.

Be kind and gentle with yourself..

Pep

Let's put it this way -- my H moved in with OW five months ago, and only now is the thing beginning to fray significantly. Or at least be revealed to be fraying significantly. Don't know when the problems began. Probably from the outset.

What everyone told me here turns out to be true: you really have no idea what is going on in the other household. I still don't. And you don't.

Don't worry about him losing his temper. That's his problem. Don't lose yours. He's going to blame you anyway, so you don't have to consider that in choosing your actions.

And I'm with you on the D. He can destroy his life if he wants to, but I'm not going to help him or hold his hand as he does it. As he told me, "It takes two to marry, but only one to divorce." So let him do it. He doesn't need my help.

<small>[ August 25, 2003, 01:26 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>