I have been in plan B since last October and finally reached the end of my rope.

I sent paperwork to be signed and my WH's reply is that he doesn't know what he wants/needs more time/can't sign it.

????

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by unsureheart:
<strong>II sent paperwork to be signed and my WH's reply is that he doesn't know what he wants/needs more time/can't sign it.

????</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">unsureheart - I don't have the answer to this one either. But I'm glad you asked the question though. I want to know if and how one party can stop the divorce.

Also, if you sue for divorce instead of just file, can you have a divorce if the court rules in you favor even though the other S isn't cooperating.

I am sorry your WH hasn't come around yet.

UH, well isn't THAT a kicker!?

Interestingly, I find myself in similar straights now, too. W has apparently been shaken deeply by my filing, according to IC. IC seems to think she's seeing more clearly now than before.

AAAaaaggggghhhhh.... it becomes a lot more confusing after you've given up more or less, no?

There are generally 3 ways to do it.

1 - Give the other party the papers and have them sign a waiver of service. This means they have received the papers from you directly.
2 - Given the papers by a process server. Sometimes it's a sheriff/police of some type or a process server.
3 - If the location of the person getting served is not known, it can be published in the local paper, usually for 30 days.

This is just for the notice of filing.
Anything after this can usually be delayed in a number of ways, depending on the state.

So I guess the question is, do you really want the divorce to proceed?
If so, he will have to be served the papers. Contact your attorney or the courthouse to find out about this.

monty - I know that if he does not sign these papers that I can have him served, which means he is simply acknowledging this rather than agreeing to it. I'm not sure I completely understand the distinction, but I know that I will have to now likely engage an attorney, which I did not think I would have to do b/c we have no children and should be able to agree on asset division in a fairly simple fashion. Ugh.

JR - Yeah, this is the kicker. After everything I've been through and the indecision and the taking the OW to Europe for a month, I just didn't think he would disagree. I've had no contact with him other than to let him know I was going to give him the papers to which he replied, ok I agree. I never thought he would tell me that he needed time to sort out his thoughts and couldn't bring himself to sign this. The manipulation never ends I think even if it's not conscious.

ChrisCa - I think my option is to have him served, but I agree with your assessment that there are lots of future opportunities for him to drag this out. I am ready for the divorce. It has been two years of sheer hell for me with no strong sign of WH getting himself out of his pit of despair (of his own making). I did a strong plan A for six months and reluctantly went to plan B. My only contact with him has been in January when he said he wanted a D and then came to tell me he did not want a D and then when my father died I let him back into my life for about two weeks -- only to get slapped in the face with him coming over unannounced the day before the second funeral to tell me he was going on an expensive trip to Europe with the OW for a month.

I can truly say I've tried everything and I just don't want to try anymore. I am 40 years old and want to get on with the rest of my life with somebody new (I don't know who that is, but hope they are out there).

Is your STBXH a fired fair employee by any chance?

Have him served, and don't look back...... YOU did the best you could.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Here is my evil side .... I am joking in case anyone wonders....

Contact the OW directly.... advise her you have served STBX the D papers .... which he is "refusing to sign" ..... ask her ~to ask HIM~ "what's up with that?"

Then stand back~~~~

Fireworks ..... gotta love em <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

pepperband - Crack me up. I actually entertained that thought. My neighbors (good friends of both WH and I who think WH is insane) actually thought I should copy the OW on the letter I received WHILE MY WH WAS in France with the OW that stated he didn't know why he was on the trip and he loved me more but didn't think our marriage could be repaired because he was more attached to me than the OW. Wouldn't that have been an eye-opener for the OW.

I did not copy her on it -- man, she can find out for herself what a confused unstable guy he is without my prodding this along. I have been accused by WH in the long ago past of trying to control things, so I would not send the OW anything like this -- although the vindictive side of me would get a huge kick out of her experiencing some of the bullsh#$ that I've been through with this man.

I know that if he does not sign these papers that I can have him served, which means he is simply acknowledging this rather than agreeing to it. I'm not sure I completely understand the distinction,
It simply means that he knows you have filed for divorce.
He may not like it, agree with it or want it, but that's irrelevant. You cannot be stopped from simply filing.

but I know that I will have to now likely engage an attorney, which I did not think I would have to do b/c we have no children and should be able to agree on asset division in a fairly simple fashion.
IF he agrees to everything, then you should not need a lawyer (but I would recommend you at least consult with one to review any documents.)

If he doesn't show up for any court dates/hearings, then it's pretty much whatever is in the papers.

Hi USH,

My advice goes down the same alley as the previous posters - divorce is the ultimate line, isnt it. It's the end of all illusions, it's where he finally has to keep the cake or eat it, where he finally has to jump on one or the other side of the fence. The bad news for him is that you dont give a toss anymore whether he lands in OW's garden or not, as you're pretty fed up by now. Understandably, he is v. scared, particularly as he never seemed to be the great tough decision maker according to your posts.
My advice: Carry on. Enforce a time-table, through courts if necessary. DOnt know what the legal means are for this in the US, but I know there are ways to enforce a timetable.

Best regards
N

USH

Hey, I've been lurking around for several months now and am wondering how your doing. Have you moved to another forum or changed your name? Well the holidays are here and I was just thinking of you and hoping that your doing ok. As for myself still working on M patiently. Hope you get this message.

Happy Holidays
Mel

Hi to all who have replied to this post.

I am finding myself on the opposite side of the coin in my divorce proceedings.

I am the BS and I filed for D. The D is in progress, and the order/stipulation for temporary relief/agreement has been signed by all and filed with the courts. Most property division has been agreed upon with exception of some pre-marital items.

I signed those temp. papers reluctantly and with great saddness. 1 week or less later, I decided that I do NOT want this divorce. The only reasons I filed was because WH told me "We ARE getting a divorce", and I did so out of anger, hurt feelings and so forth.

My question is: Is there anything I alone can do to stop or temporarily postpone the D to allow WH to come to his senses?

I look forward to any suggestions.

FF

Hi USH,

I'm back on marriagebuilders for support. I think this is it for me and I've been trying to check up on how ur doing. Im on the D/D forum now. Hope I find u again.

Depressed