SadEx,
I am afraid I am going to say some things that you don't want to hear, but you will at least have another opinion.
Why would your exH want to remarry you? He has no reason to do so and some reasons not to. Permit me to explain.
I believe in one of your posts you stated that you two were still intimate, right? You state here that he has full access to your house, your life, everything right? So as I see it what he has is "free" sex with a woman that WANTS him, the run of the house, the freedom to do anything he wants with anybody, and he gets to play the victim as well.
If he married you he would have to resume full responsibility for the family again. He would have to work on his relationship with you. He would have to cease being the victim (I mean after all he went back so it cannot be that bad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) In short, it would be a major pain in the tush to do this when he can have the easy life.
You on the other hand get the pleasure of his company when he chooses. You get spied on, followed, checked up on, and you have no freedom. Plus you get no domestic support.
Frankly, you are in love with a "ghost". I suspect you want to be married to a MAN not somebody that cannot control his jealousy, and feels he OWNS you.
Yup, you made a big mistake, but that mistatke didn't give him the right to leave AND run your life. He had the right to leave, but little else.
I am not condoning what you did in the past, but I really don't like to see people abused and taken advantage of.
So my recommendation is for you to GROW A BACKBONE. You are divorced, change the locks on the doors. Tell him to stay away from your work or you will file a restraining order on him to keep him away. Tell him your life is NOW closed to him unless and until he is back in it and that will only happen when he decides to ask in a respectful manner.
I have no clue why you want to be married to the man you describe. I suspect you want to be married to the man that he was. But, you must realize that he may be seriously AFFLICTED with this jealous behavior and if he is your life would by H**L if you remarried him.
I realize you hurt him deeply and I realize you are very sorry. But, he has to address the issues, and he has to decide to forgive you BEFORE any reconciliation could occur and he hasn't done that.
So changes the rules of the game. You have lost your marriage and your H and it is time you faced that. It is great that you want him back, BUT you won't have him back until his behavior and thinking change significantly.
Sad_ex, you would do well to read H_P's posts. She is in your situation, however, as much as I support her efforts, I would be giving her the same advice if her exH acted the same way.
Your mistake has been made. It cost you your marriage. THat is the consequences of having an affair. However, you are NOT making up for your mistake by taking this behavior from your H. In fact you are compounding it, for it let's him behave in a manner that is unacceptable to you or any other woman that he might of met had he handled this appropriately. YOU ARE IN FACT CONTINUING TO HURT HIM NOW BY ALLOWING THIS BEHAVIOR.
Stop permitting this. You both need to move on, and if that means someone new so be it, if it means you two get back together GREAT. But, right now he is is not a man you should be considering marrying or having in your life. He needs to address his issues and get with the program. You may think that as long as he acts jealous you have a chance. You are very wrong. Jealousy is NOT LOVE, it is lack of control of himself on his part, and an attempt to control you instead.
Please think about this.
God Bless,
JL
