As far as stbxH and the child porn possession charges go... his next appearance in court "to be spoken to" is on Sept 8th. He has yet to ask about access, or for the changes necessary to his bail conditions to allow this visitation. There is still no final court date set (for trial), but I'm suspecting that will happen any time now, as each appearance before the court is now 2 weeks apart, as opposed to one month apart.

The IL's have yet to contact me to ask about or talk to the boys. The last time I spoke with them was in mid July. I do not care to call them, as I have offerred my home to them so many times already, to have them come and visit the boys. They're obviously too busy, and really don't care, or else they would have at least called by now. And Eric, although he talks about them every now and then, has not asked to talk TO them in a very long time. Should he, we'll call. But I'm not going to even suggest it to him at this point. He's been hurt enough as it is.

As far as stbxH and the child molestor accusations go... he WILL be taking a polygraph test (lie detector test) on September 30, 2003. I will not know of any results until the following week, when I hear from the detective. When I spoke with her today, she confirmed that the results are not admissible in court, however, the results will also help the crown attorneys office to determine how to take this case further.

The length of time it is taking for the charges to be laid on him is becoming difficult to handle. The victim is having such a bad time. She still won't leave the townhouse complex without me or her mum, for fear that stbxH will follow through with his threats, and "haunt her". <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Now, as for ME: I'm doing MUCH better now. It was a really tough weekend, and it took me a few days to realize what was really bothering me. True, the contact with "looking for you 2223" has made things all the more strange... and perhaps that contact is what pushed me over the edge, emotionally, this past weekend. But I'm better with it now... honest! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> As long as I stay away from bringing up past bad memories of what Dave did to me, I'll be fine.

After much thinking... I am aware that my being down had more to do with Dave's release from jail without any changes to his bail conditions, and more importantly, due to the fact that it is now September.

Eric starts school on Thursday, and it is a bittersweet moment that will occur. For those of you who don't know, my oldest son Andrew passed away before he was able to start school. Andrew is the one who should be doing these things first. And I'm having trouble with letting that go. Tying into it, is the fact that September 11th is the 3rd anniversary of his death. I can hardly believe that 3 yrs have gone by! Oh my!!!

On a more positive note, I have a story to share with you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> When Andrew was 2 yrs old, my sister gave him a "Sesame Street" camper with accessories. She had told me how she would put toys aside after xmas, to give to her kids throughout the year, so I decided to do the same with this toy. As it happened, I had forgotten about it up in the cupboard, but Andrew sure spotted it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> As part of my trying to get him toilet trained so he could go to school, I made a deal with him, that he could have that toy to play with after his first day of school.

Well, Andrew passed away before he could start school. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> So what I did, was promise him that I would not let Eric have it until HE went to school for the first time.

It's been almost 3 yrs since I made that promise, and come Thursday afternoon, Eric will be getting that very same "Sesame Street" camper toy when he comes home from his first day of school.

How's THAT for a bittersweet story? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for 'listening' folks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Luv ya!
Karen
xxooxxoo

t25;

You are one strong lady. And you made me cry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I am honestly so very sorry for all you have had to go through; and I've never met you! My heart aches for the loss of your sweet boy. Have you ever said what happened?
I may have missed it. The upcoming date of sept 11th will be hard no doubt. What will you do?
Do you have friends and family to share your grief and your memories with?
We can all meet at ladies chat, and cyber-love you through the day, if needed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'll be there if you need it.
As far as your x. What a sad, sad man. So screwed up. So lost. So distructive. I know I speak for many when I say that we will rejoice when all this is put behind you, and you don't have court dates, polygraphs, divorce papers, sex charges, jail,, and heaven knows what else to deal with.
Assuming he goes to prison, and you get a divorce, (by the way, when can you get one??)
Can you move? Can you leave where you are and start over? Would you want to? You must have so many horrible triggers where you are...

I think you are an amazing lady. Your children are SO BLESSED by your strength and love for them.
May God hold you TIGHTLY as you pass through these next few weeks.

tray

tsc: I'm sorry I made you cry... that wasn't my intent. As far as the why and how of Andrew's death; after an autopsy and toxicology testing was reviewed by numerous pathologists, no cause of death was ever determined. He simply died in his sleep. It's been near impossible to come to closure b/c of that... but I have decided that the reason Andrew died, was to protect his brothers and other kids from their dad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> (his passing, started me on the path of personal healing... by joining a grieving group, and eventually MB, and watching too much Dr.Phil, etc).

I tend not to focus on Andrew's death, and do not have anything planned on Sept 11th, aside from avoiding watching tv. Instead, I continue to celebrate his birthday every October 25th. This year will be the 4th annual (and 3rd annual MB) invite to celebrate Andrew's life with "Chocolate Cake Day". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> He passed away before his 4th birthday, but insisted on having chocolate cake (that's MY boy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). So, every year, I have decided to have chocolate cake on Oct 25th, and I invite any and all to join in. I'll be doing a post about that a few days before it arrives.

The divorce cannot proceed another step until the one year of separation is up. That makes it November 24, 2003. No set date has been made for the ACTUAL divorce, but a recent court order has okayed it, once the one year is up.

Will I move away from here? I wasn't really planning on it. At least not at this point. I have a really great townhouse, the boys have lots of kids to play with here, London, Ontario has loads of "big city" stuff, such as a college and university, and the cost of living is much cheaper compared to Toronto, which is the only place I would consider relocating to, b/c that is where my friends and family are (I only moved to London 5 yrs ago from there). My dad is still here in town (he followed us... LOL), so it's not like I don't have any support. Besides that, ever since I've been apart from Dave, I've made lots of new friends and acquaintences. So, it's all good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You mentioned that my kids are so blessed to have me as their mum... I tend to look at it the other way, and that I'm so blessed to have them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[topie}}}}}}}}}}

Karen,

I hardly ever eat chocolate cake w/o thinking of you & Andrew & as chocolate cake is one of my very favorite foods I think of you often.

The 1st days of school are exciting & sad; however, believe me those last days of school are even sadder. I found the last days of Pre-SChool sad, the last days of elematry sadder, would have found last days of JHS sad but that was in the midst of the beginning of the bad times, I was numb then & the last days of HS were the worst. Of course it was so iffy if it would be the last days that there was joy also. Even though OS stayed home & is going to JR College, I freaked that I wouldn't be here to take a photo on his 1st day. He did let me take one on his last day of HS, & then I cried all the way to my school.

Thinking of you