POSTED ON DIVORCED/DIVORCING SECTION, TOO

Can't get the word "belong" out of my mind. Plus I struggle off and on with an overwhelming feeling of not belonging to anyone and not belonging anywhere. (I think the brokenness of family and lack of committment to others tends to fracture relationships today.) I think I always struggled with this. When I was married, I never seemed to fit in with any particular group. I did not have a working marriage so I did not feel married and I was not single so I always felt in limbo. The recent separation has now magnified this feeling for me. I thought the single life would be more fun cause with the freedom to find single friends, you could fit right in with other singles. ha--was I wrong.

As an adult child of an alcoholic and one who has lived with an alcoholic H, and one who has almost every relative who is alcholic, I sense this may be just a problem for family members effected by alcoholism.

My belonging goes beyond my marital problems. It seems there are all families at church so I tend to feel I don't belong there. When I was married, my H did not go to church so that categorized me in another group. Most things I do, I don't seem to sense that I belong. I think I feel that I don't fit in for some reason.

I am an extrovert and I have no problem communicating so I know I don't just sit somewhere and disconnect.

I guess I am trying to find out if this is MY unique problem or if others sense this, too and how often they feel this way and for what reasons?????

As Christians, do we ever feel like we belong here? Hope to hear some stories of what makes you feel like you belong and who makes you feel like you belong to someone.

TW

TW, I, too, feel like I haven't got a niche in life.

I'm a military wife, yet I do not socialize to any extent other than "hi!" with other military wives. The only friends I have are online. When my sister manages to get me out on the town, I feel uncomfortable with people who look a little too cozy at the bar. I am currently sitting on the fence with the M, so I don't feel completely comfortbale posting on the recovery board (which is usually where I stay -- go figure), but I definitely don't belong on the D boards yet. I am no longer interested in any MB "plans". I tried for 3+ months, they didn't have ANY effect on my WH, so I've given up on him with them.

I've always known I was a strange bird. I've never felt quite comfortable with society. I can socialize okay, but I have also been known to put my foot in my mouth on a regular basis. Also, if a person seems to be further along in life, I feel less than them, but I also don't care to be around people who I consider to be lacking upstairs or in class. Maybe I'm just too picky?

My sister is a CNA, her husband stocks for Pepsi. They make their lives ok. But she's so carefree and comfortable with the world. She worked for a doctor for a while and befriended him and his wife. She & her husband still go and see them quite often. They're differently yoked, their upbringings were vastly different, but that has no baring on their relationship.

I wish I had gained this emtoinal tool. Instead, I am the deep thinker of the two of us. Lucky me! heehee

No need to feel like the odd (wo)man out. You're niches are all over the place, you've just not realized it yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wondrme

I think some of the disconnected feelings come from the fact that our marriages or not whole and as the BS we feel alone.

When my WW left on Dday I started seeing everyone as a loving couple. Couples laughing in there cars, at the book store, buying groceries. I was the only single guy in the world living alone.

I even felt disconnected and awkward around my closest friends who were pulling me though my mess.

But thoughs feelings do go away as we get us to the changes in our lives and understand were not alone we have people all around us. And being on our own is OK. Millions and Millions of people are single and live alone and are very happy, were really not that unique.

Now thoughs are my feelings as a result of my WW affiar.

I like you also feel at times disconnected from the world and the people around us. Most times I'm very outgoing and confident but other times I feel lost unconnected. I think these types of feelings like you described are the result of our childhood experiances.

My parents had a nasty divorce when I was a preteen. We went from the big house, great vacations, great cloths to the welfare rolls with my mom and younger brother. In a small town my brother and I took an emotinal beating at school. Undeserved but that's life.

As a result I'm left at times with feeling of not belonging, not being good enough, lacking in confidence. But if you met me or even got to know me you would never think I felt that way.

Don't worry your as normal as anyone else. We all have some type of baggage.

Start volunteering, taking classes, something will end up sparking a HUGE interest in you and give you passion...

My 1st marriage was to my HS sweetheart. The only guy I ever dated. Never had the "single life." We divorced after 10 years of marriage and 15 years of being together.

The "single life" just doesn't happen. It's work just like everything else. It took me approximately 6 mos to start making some single friends. As you get older, it gets harder. You have to nurture these new relationships just like any other. You have to just call for no reason, call and ask if they want to go to a movie, etc. All this was hard for me as I was shy. Once I got the hand of it, it all fell into place.

I also took some college courses in the evening and met people that way. Joined study groups, etc.

I think when people are married for a long time and they hear the single people talking about all the fun they have, they get a little jealous. BUT you are only hearing about the good times they have, not the down times.

So, don't worry, you are definately NORMAL!

Thanks all---

am the deep thinker of the two of us. Lucky me! Wond---I am a deep thinker too. Maybe our thinking is the problem that causes us to be disconnected.

When my WW left on Dday I started seeing everyone as a loving couple. Couples laughing in there cars, at the book store, buying groceries. I was the only single guy in the world living alone. Goodguy----doesn't it always "look" like everyone else has somebody. Ugh I HATE THAT.

Start volunteering, taking classes, something will end up sparking a HUGE interest in you and give you passion... SoDisappointed--- I have doing these things but I can never believe I will have passion again. It feels all gone