For you BS's out there, I took a bold move and called the OP's spouse and told him about the affair his WS and my WS are having.

At first he was shocked. Then as I mentioned some details, he began piecing some questionable events together. By talking to him, I learned that the OP has been lying to my WH about at least 2 big issues. OP spouse was intending on keeping this revelation of the affair's existence to himself for a few days, but must not have been able to hold it in because not even an hour after I hung up from him, my WH called me out of the blue and told me his honey called him and said she learned that I called her spouse and told him. She was angry. It didn't sound like my WH was too angry, but I do think he was to some extent. I wonder if he is just glad that it is all out in the open now and everyone involved knows.

I am scared however about going to counseling tomorrow night not knowing what my WS has heard, thought and done since this happened. I told my WS that the OP has been lying to him on those 2 issues and what was discussed. My WH said it doesn't appear that OP is lying to him since what her spouse told me is same as she told my WH. I said, well, that isn't what you told me 1-3 months ago.

I did some lovebusting and feel bad about it. I need some advice on how to prevent myself from committing LB's. Any suggestions? Thanks.

ABF

Recognize the limits of what you can do. That's how to stop LBing. You may have been able to expose 2 big lies in the relationship, but the whole thing has been a lie. What really matter is something only your spouse can do, and that is decide to be your H and not someone else's honey.

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

ABF,

No need to feel bad. Now the ball is in their court. Nothing to be gained by hiding. You should feel relief soon.

How are you doing on improving yourself?

L.

Broken Heart and Arm,

Thanks, I believe that no matter what happens at counseling, I now have done all that I can to put obstacles in the way of their relationship. I agree with you that what matters is the one thing he can do, is decide for himself now that everyone in the affair is aware.

Orchid,

Thanks for the emotional support. I am trying to do for myself. I have improved myself tremendously in physical attractiveness. I am still having a difficult time of trying to detach myself from him. I am still scared of what he has all thought about since Monday and if I may have pushed him to his limit to end everything. I don't know that I am ready to handle that decision yet. There is another issue I would address here, but he may be lurking and I don't want to reveal it here yet.

Will keep in touch.

Thanks again,
ABF

Always-

Don't second guess yourself, putting the A in the light of the truth is the right thing to do no matter what. I waited 3wks to tell OM's W which I probably shouldn't have even done but I'm glad I did tell in the end.

You have to do what you know to be right and not worry about what WS will think.

ABF, you did the right thing by informing the OP. Someone needed to warn him what was happening behind his back. Your H and the OW have NO RIGHT to the privacy to destroy people behind their back.

And while the outcome is not guaranteed, the affair stands a much greater chance of dying on the vine when exposed to the light of day than it does when kept in secret. When it is exposed, the essential fantasy aspect of the affair is much more likely to fizzle out - and fizzle out quickly.

Helping them keep it secret usually only prolongs the affair. And while the WS is usually angry at being outed, the pros still outweigh the cons. He will get it over it quickly.

Hang in there, and DON'T YOU DARE FEEL GUILTY for doing the right thing. This man had a right to know he was being destroyed behind his back so he can protect himself from your H and his W. You are under NO obligation to help your H hide his affair.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

ABF .... how are you?

Pep

I had a different experience. I was real apprehensive about calling OMW. I finally did and she said......... I'M GLAD HE FOUND SOMEONE NICE!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

She was no help at all. She didn't want him back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

How to stop the LB's?

LB's are a desperate attempt to get the WS back. They are a very immature attempt though, and they don't work. They are a type of manipulation (one that doesn't work the way it's intended).

So the answer? Give up, yep, give up, stop trying, don't do anything. But hold onto the love you have. Stop trying with the LBs for awhile until you learn how to show love without the LBs. It will come, but this new habit will take time. Until you can pick up the new habit...give up the old one. It's like quitting smoking. You can do it! But it is addictive.