This is a question that is lingering for me. I don't see many reasons a WS might come back.

I have made many self improvements, given her space, tried to be friends, not pushed her on a decision etc. The only other thing I can keep giving is time which I think my patience has run out on.

If the WS still thinks they love the OP why would they bother coming back?

I guess I'm just finding my situation pointless and struggling with either A.Ending it or B. Putting down my foot. At this point, I'm caring less and less. I'm feeling my love bank might not have any love left to see this through much longer.

I don't see many reasons a WS might come back.

Cause the affair ends and they see what they have done.

I have made many self improvements, given her space, tried to be friends, not pushed her on a decision etc.
These are great. These are things you need to do for you. But these are not reasons she will return.

The only other thing I can keep giving is time which I think my patience has run out on.
Why do you think your patience has ran out?
This is something to think about. I'm not necessarily looking for an answer but something you should think about.

If the WS still thinks they love the OP why would they bother coming back?
While they think this, they usually don't. WHich is one reason for oyu to wait until the affair ends. Then you can make a decision about what you want to do. You don' HAVE to reconcile but at least you will be able to make that decision.

I guess I'm just finding my situation pointless and struggling with either A.Ending it or B. Putting down my foot.
These are not your only options. Plan B is when you have had enough and cannot deal with the ws anymore.

Have you done any MB counseling? I highly recommend it, if at least to give you an idea of what you want to do and what your options are.

Eduard:

I'll 2nd the recommendation for MB counseling!

"This is a question that is lingering for me. I don't see many reasons a WS might come back."

D-day was so recent. Try not 2 expect anything 2 change fundamentally in your sitch for some months yet.

"I have made many self improvements,"

good. Keep making these, but make them for YOU, not for her.

"given her space,"

Well, BSs who's WS has left don't really get the choice here. But good.

"tried to be friends, not pushed her on a decision etc."

Also good.

"The only other thing I can keep giving is time which I think my patience has run out on."

I felt that way for at least 7 months after D-day. Your mileage will vary, but I will say that we all feel most impatient at the beginning. With time (hard 2 hear this, I know), you will find that your patience improves.

"If the WS still thinks they love the OP why would they bother coming back?"

Like Chris says, while they are in love with the OP, they won't come back. Once the A has seen the light of day, though, and YOU aren't LBing (good plan A, followed in a reaonable time, perhaps, by a good plan B), the OP tends 2 start 2 show their true colors, and the A, which is based on lies and deceit, falls apart.

"I guess I'm just finding my situation pointless and struggling with either A.Ending it or B. Putting down my foot."

You can certainly end it if you want 2. But be sure you're ready 2 do so. Putting your foot down is pretty much the same thing: You're making an ultimatum, and you need 2 be prepared for the possibility that you evoke the desire for "ending it" on the WS in the process.

"At this point, I'm caring less and less. I'm feeling my love bank might not have any love left to see this through much longer."

Because it's been such a short time, I would just urge you 2 hang in there a bit longer. Get in2 counseling, particularly with some really skilled people like the Harleys, and THEN see how you feel.

All my best,
-2long

Eduard,

My husband came back. I asked him to leave when I suspected his affair. He willingly went, straight into the arms of his "soulmate", his "true love".

18 months later he came back after coming to the realization that he had destroyed his family for a woman who wasn't all that he thought she was.

It took that long for him to come out of the fog and see reality.

My H admitted to me that he came back because he didn't want to been "seen" by our friends and family members as "the bad guy" by initiating a divorce ... he was waiting for ME to instigate that because he had bet his cards on the fact that I would not accept him back after such a betrayal.

Let me tell you from experience that this is not a good enough reason for them to come back ... if the OP is who they want, let them have them and experience all of the consequences that go with that.

It's simple ... you sin against God, you pay the price.

Thanks guys, your advice always rocks as usual here on the MB boards.

I guess I'm just feeling the Love Bank depleting and little to no deposits being made. While I'd like to wait as long as it takes, I just don't know if I see it in my heart to do so anymore.

Chris- Your always on the mark!
1-Yes, I guess the A ending would make someone look around and say "what the @#$#$ did I do?" and try to get back what they had.

2-Hm, I just recently figured that one out. That I could improve myself and be a saint but it still would not make a difference.

3-I guess my patience is running out because I've been doing all of these things and haven't seen much change. I know I need my Taker in check, but giving takes its toll.

4-True about Plan B. I did my plans backward when I initially found out and did Plan B for a month which I think helped me, then switched to Plan A.

5-No MB counseling yet, I'm actually thinking of going to someone local. Was there a # to find local MB coaches?

2long- More time? ugh! he he Well she may be moving out of state come November so maybe I can just slide into Plan B at that time LoL!

Bramblerose- Oh my gosh! I have to tip my hat off to you for waiting that long for him to come back and still taking him back in.

Sealfan- That is a weak excuse. And so true, you reap what you sow.

I don't think that anything we do or anything we say, will bring back a WS if they don't want to come back/if they think they are or are in love with someone else.

The affair may end, then again it may never not. My H lives with his OW, has done since the day he walked out six months ago. I just cannot see him returning, even though he has wavered between I and OW a few times in the early days, mostly when he and OW had been fighting though. These days I hardly hear from him so I'm under the impression things are fine with them, that they are perhaps more in love with each other now than they were previously.

I too am reaching a point where I just could not care less anymore. I don't want to be sitting around for the rest of my life, awaiting something that is just not going to happen.

I'm close to 6 months since my WW confessed and left to work on her affair with OM.

Now 3 1/2 months ago my WW told me she needed more time and space and asked me not to call her as she wouldn't be calling me.

Eduard I died a second time that day. First she was gone physicaly on DDay then cut me off completely. But what I found was over time I began to get stronger and see life a little better. My feelings today are still strong for my WW but I now know that my life will go one with or without her. It's up to her now.

Keep working on yourself, work on your plan A when you can with your WW. But give yourself some distance from your WW also.

Eduard,
Dday for you was only 2 months ago. It's hard but you're gonna need a lot of patience. I hated when people use to tell me, IT TAKES TIME. But, it's so true.

Mine was 11 months ago. Can you believe that? Next month will be a whole year. And next month is my anniversary. So next month I just know it will be hard.

It takes time and TONS of patience. I love my WH and believe one day we'll be back together. I believe God is doing it now. Good thing is that after telling me for a couple of months now that he wants to work things out, he finally moved out of OW house. It's a step in the right direction but, there are still a hundred more steps he needs to make. One step at a time. PATIENCE.

I'm not saying that we're in recovery, but with time I believe it'll come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Right now your WW is in the honeymoon stage of the affair. Reality has not set in. An average affair lasts 6 to 18 months. The affair will end. The odds are against them. Remember that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ September 11, 2003, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>