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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 407
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 407 |
well I normally post on the divorcing board, but I wanted peoples comments here too. STBX and I have been separated for over 8 months. Divorce is filed, should be final VERY soon. (today is our 4 year anniversary). We have two kids... one 2.5 year old son, and one .5 year old daughter (yes, I had to kick him out when I was pregnant). Here's yesterday: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=34;t=009830So, I have question: If you knew the right thing to say to your X to get her back, but you also knew that thing was a lie and you really didn't believe it... would you say it? would you just say it and hope that you could work things out later?
I know STBX wants me to say his affair(s) were MY fault. He wants me to say that he had no other choice.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 163
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 163 |
[Q]I know STBX wants me to say his affair(s) were MY fault. He wants me to say that he had no other choice. [/Q]
Never in a million years. Did you "make" him run to another's arms? Did you "make" him take off his clothes and get into bed with her? I don't think so. My personal feeling is that he is looking for an escape from his responsibility and owning up to the errors of his way. If I had to say a lie to him in order to get him back, I know I wouldn't want to get back together with him under those circumstances. By doing that, I would be enabling him, and that would allow him to go right back out and do it again and place the blame elsewhere. No, don't do it. Tell him that you didn't make him do anything regarding the affair, and he did have a choice--he could have kept it in his pants!!
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525 |
No, I would never say the A was my fault, but I do acknowledge that our M was not very good. I do have a part in that. So far, WS does not feel remorseful. He does not see a need to ask for forgiveness for the A. He is sorry that he hurt me, though. I'm doing Plan A, so I'm trying to rise up to my responsibility in this M. I'm praying that when he stops A and gets out of the fog, he will see how much this has hurt me and feel sorry.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 380
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 380 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by so hurt:
<strong>
I know STBX wants me to say his affair(s) were MY fault. He wants me to say that he had no other choice.[/b]</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My sitch is a little different than yours. Your WS has even less excuse than mine did. My WW started her affair 2 1/5 months into a separation. I had a session with MB Steven Harley. He said that it was definately an affair and adulterous. That came after 4 years of bad and little sex.
But STILL S. Harley said that the affair was totally her choice. We both had a lot to do with making the marriage a bad one, but S. Harley's take was that my W had an affair because she "Failed to protect her weakness". Only she was responsible for the affair and not me. An affair is NEVER ok under any circumstance.
Her only options were to live in the marriage like it was, to work with me to improve the marriage or to divorce because we could not improve the marriage.
Having sex with someone else while still married, separated or not is still adultery and still WS choice, not the BS's.
Your STBX is the only one who had a choice.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 380
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 380 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by so hurt: <strong>well I normally post on the divorcing board, but I wanted peoples comments here too. STBX and I have been separated for over 8 months. Divorce is filed, should be final VERY soon. (today is our 4 year anniversary). We have two kids... one 2.5 year old son, and one .5 year old daughter (yes, I had to kick him out when I was pregnant). Here's yesterday: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=34;t=009830So, I have question: If you knew the right thing to say to your X to get her back, but you also knew that thing was a lie and you really didn't believe it... would you say it? would you just say it and hope that you could work things out later?
I know STBX wants me to say his affair(s) were MY fault. He wants me to say that he had no other choice.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 380
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 380 |
Please disregard my second post. Something went wrong and I re entered and only the quote came out. Sorry.
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