I'm not sure where I fit in on the board anymore so I'm stopping in at GQII.

A brief history of my R:
Married < 2yrs. Divorced 1 yr. H's choice, no OW or EA's.No contact for 8 months, ex contacted me 5 months ago, we started talking...we lived in 2 different states. H wanted to come back, missed me, was sorry and would do whatever it took. I was being cautious, but leaning towards reconciling. In meantime, I got a job out, relocated to another state. He has been supportive of move/job and very excited. But in the last month he tells me he has been on a few dates with someone and I rarely hear from him anymore.

The last contact from him was him telling me that he had no idea what state our relationship was in and he felt that I didn't seem interested in getting back together. He said it was a good thing to see other people, therefore we will know if it's right. My response was that he was right, that we should see other people and he knew where to find me.

I left it alone for a couple of weeks and e-mailed him a letter telling him that I really did want him back and I was just scared of being hurt again. I thought it was a nice letter, but I failed to ask him to respond. I just told him how I felt. So, it has now been a week and I haven't heard anything from him. My feelings are being pulled in all sorts of directions.

First, I want to call him and talk to him. This whole thing seems so ridiculous to me. We were so close to getting back together and I don't know where it went wrong. I'm not kidding myself into thinking we didn't have a long way to go, but at least it's a start. I have realized over the past few weeks, how much I still do truly love him. I'm afraid to talk to him. I'm afraid of being rejected again. But isn't no response from him an actual rejection?

Secondly, my thoughts run to just leaving it all alone and forgetting about him. Just move on with my life. But how can I do that when I my feelings are so deep?

My heart is breaking all over again and I'm at a loss for what to do. At what point do you fight for your R and at what point do you give up? There never seemed to be any reason for his sudden change. Is it possible he is just trying to make me jealous and hurry up my decision? But if that is the case, then how come he doesn't say anything to me?

I hate being so damn confused all the time.

Sorry if this post isn't making any sense. I needed to vent.

Hi fishlady,

Sorry to see you under these circumstances. I think that your H got lonely and called for his safety net. This is an odd situation but basically let me give you my take on it.

Your letter last week was in a sense a Plan A letter. I still have feelings for you, I'd like to work on things.

I think it would be a good idea to wait another week.....then go to Plan B. Letter and all. It's a last ditch effort, but still worth a shot.

Good luck to you....sorry to see you back...but missed you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hate to say this, but it sounds like he has found someone else to keep him from feeling so lonely... Hemissed you, but couldn't be alone, so found someone else (or he may be seeing a couple of different people) and wants to see if they'll be good replacements. You can wait till he gets it out of his system (he'll realize he can't ignore you forever) and comes back to you, or he'll decide he can juggle you too. Uggghhh, maybe I'm just cynical. Maybe a letter explaining your thoughts, that he's seeing someone(s) else and how you don't want to be put into that situation. How you had hope but that hope is dwindiling or gone now....buh-bye.

Thanks for your replies...

Star, did you wind up changing your name from "starfish"...I think I remember you, but again it was such a hazy time for me. I've missed the people here and the support. I guess I should have continued to post after the divorce. I just didn't feel like I had anything left to say.

I do think that H got lonely. But I don't think that is what prompted him to call me. At the time it would have been a heck of a lot easier for him to find someone new and not have to worry about dealing with the past.

As for now, the girl he is dating is someone from work told me had a crush on him. When he told me about her, he wasn't interested in dating her. He was worried about ruining things between us. I admit that I wasn't jumping threw hoops...at least on the outside...that he was talking like this. I was trying to remain distant, I really don't know why, because inside I really wanted us to be together. I now feel like I missed out on the opportunity.

I guess I probably should just wait it out. Get on with my life and see what happens. But I would hate to have a window of opportunity only to have it close shut on me, because I was looking at the door.

fishlady,

I was starfish4729.....everybody called me star anyway....so I dropped the numbers and put in the a star......star*fish. I know I posted to you because I was drawn to your name. I collect starfish and fish too from all over the world....so sometimes...people call me fishlady LOL.

FL.....you aren't bound by certain rules here....like some folks dealing with affairs...you have a lot more freedom. I'm worried about your feelings getting hurt....but there is no reason at all....you can't date the guy who was once your husband. Guard your heart a bit....but if you thin something is there and you want to explore that....go ahead. You have a distinct advantage over anyone new. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Star,

I do remember posting to you as well. I love starfish, although I never found any on the beach. I particularly love collecting shark's teeth however. How are things going with you? I've been catching you on other people's threads and you are a huge help to others.

Thank you for being concerned for my feelings. I too worry about them getting hurt, that's why I wouldn't let ex get to close. Unfortunately there isn't a way for us to date, he is in MI and I am now in FL. The best we can do for now is e-mail, chatting and phone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> However since our contact has been even more limited lately.

I miss him terribly but I am thankful he and I are friends and on talking terms. Too many others here find themselves in a much harder and sadder place. So I guess things aren't that bad.

Take care,
Fish...