Last night, WH shows up at sons high school football game, with that wh***.

I try to ignore, sit with friends, laugh, etc. But I can see them sitting way off to the side, and several people are commenting about it, and I feel like I am sitting there in the stands with a sign above my head that says "huge loser, husband has found someone else"

I notice the wh*** looking in my direction so I stand up, wave and say "Hi honey!" she looks away real quick, then turns to talk to him, I guess to tell him I am acting like an idiot, so I stand up again (when I act like an idiot I go all out) and wave again. At this point my friends are looking at me like I have lost my mind, so I sit down again. A little while later I see them get up to leave, and I start to cry.

Why does he insist on taking her to the game?
Why does she go?
She doesn't even know my son, he refuses to spend time with her, so why show up there?
They both act like this is some high school romance, that he broke up with one girlfriend and moved on, so I should just get over it. But we have been married 18 years. I can;t get over it. Why does he force me to see her?
I hate her.

Later. I get home, and younger son has thrown up twice, for no apparant reason. This has been happening lately. I suspect it is stress. I am so angry with WH that he thinks it is ok to walk away from his life and leave me behind to take care of everything. My boys deserve better than this. He is selfish and thinks only of his own *happiness* with total disregard for the boys or for me. he used to protect us. Now he hurts us. Why????/

Who is this awful person who has taken over my husbands body? He used to be so kind.

First of all, (((((((((((womanoffaith5)))))))))))
Big cyber hug to you.
I am very sorry to hear of your situation, but can think of no better place to be than here.

I think that it took courage to do what you did by standing up and waving at them. It showed them what a spectacle they are, not you.

When WSs get into the 'fog' all bets are off as far as their behaviour is concerned. Behavior that anyone else would consider tacky and in poor taste they think is just fine; going to your child's ballgame, for instance. They are wrong, wrong, wrong.

The fact that when ever you walk in your door any situation that greets you, such as finding son sick from stress, is overwhelming I know. There is no one to relieve you, take your watch, assist, or simply give moral support. I feel terrible for you and your son.

Do you pray? What is your faith-life like? This may br an opportunity to renew your relationship with God.

In any case, I am praying for you and your son and I pray that your H comes out of his fog very soon.

God Bless,
Andy

Well, you can change your attitude -- YOU aren't the loser! You are keeping to the deal you struck 18 years ago! Hold your head high! Take the high road! Impress everyone with your courage!

He's dragging her to the football game to validate her relationship with her -- to make it "real" and normal. My H had his teenage kids over to "our" (OW's) house for dinner two days after he moved out of here. He'd barely had time to comb his hair between relationships, and they knew it.

You'll have to eat it, I'm afraid. But maybe we can start a "bad taste" contest on here for the poor behavior of WSs! What do you think!

Andy -
Thanks for your quick reply. It was a God thing for me. My faith has been strengthened at this time, and for my boys as well. We pray daily. Although, I must confess that I get frustrated at times, and feel like I am still praying the same prayers, and perhaps God is becoming bored with me. I know that is silly, I am just having a really hard time being patient.

A.M.M.
Similar story - 2 days after DDay my husband took the boys out to pizza. Next day I found out that she was there too. I asked WH why in the world he took my boys out with her and he said "she wanted to meet them" I said I don't care what she wants, they are not her kids.
Next weekend he took them to play softball with her, and her 2 younger kids. Since then, older son has refused to go anywhere with Dad if she is along. Younger son has recently said the same thing. And that is when the throwing up started for him. When I mentioned this to WH he suggested tums.
p.s. D Day was June 25.

Hi WOF5,

I hope you don't mind my input, as I'm a FWH, after all.

I don't think you were bad. You were human. You've been hurt, and you're still hurting. To see WH and OW together, in a setting where there are other friends and acquaintences, must have been like rubbing salt in a wound.

One little thought as to how to handle it in the future, and the BS's here can flame me if I'm wrong, but do you want those friends and acquaintences who know about all of this to see you as a "victim" or a "survivor"? You have nothing to be embarassed about; you are the one, as someone else said, that can hold your head up high and be proud.

WH is the victim; he just doesn't know it yet.

Oscar

I am sorry that you have to see what causes you so much pain. I don't think you did anything wrong myself, but others may disagree. Maybe you might have been a little more cool and nodded or waved if you they were looking at you. They probably left because they were hoping not to be noticed but were and one or both were embarrassed by having been revealed.

You haven't been bad. You just feel bad and justifiably so. I don't think that your WH is bringing OW around with him to make you feel bad. I can think of two other possibilities.

1.) My 1st W divorced me. We married young and after 17 years of marriage she just thought she missed something and had an A. It hurt me a lot but I let go.

When I used to go to my sons football games after the divorce, I started to date my 2nd W. She was extremely insecure and never wanted me to be around my XW without her keeping an eye on XW and I. In fact my 2ndW (then GF) would be extra affectionate with touching and hand holding to let my XW know I wasn't hers anymore. I didn't like it, because I could see it hurt my XW. I had forgiven her and didn't wish to hurt her. She had said the divorce was a mistake, but I didn't want her back, because she had an A.

2.) Maybe your H wants OW with him because he has no one else. My WW drags OM all over with her because she has very few people in her life that accept the OM and she doesn't get invited to hardly any of the activities we used to do. There are a lot of mutual friends that we have that still like her but don't accept the A. OM was isolated as well. He was separated from his W because he is a drinker. His family doesn't accept my WW. They want him to go to AA and get straight an go back to his W.

As I said they hardly have anyone else but themselves. Don't envy your WH. He is finding out the hard way the consequences of the life he chose. I don't think they are near as happy as you might think.

God Bless

Oscar -
Thank you for your input. I will keep that in mind next time. If I keep thinking "survivor" perhaps I will act like one.

Monty-
You said something that really makes me think-

"Maybe your H wants OW with him because he has no one else. My WW drags OM all over with her because she has very few people in her life that accept the OM"

My WH has no one as well. In fact, his own mother was there last night, but she refuses to see this woman, and has told him so. So part of the reason he had to sit off to the side was to avoid her. I was with about 30 of our friends and family members, and he was only with OW. What a sad little life.

The other thing that really burns my britches (besides a flame about waist high!)
is the fact that she has 2 younger kids (11 and 7) who never seem to be around. Several times she has shown up places where I am, with my boys, and her kids are never with her. I have never even seen them. On a couple of occasions I have asked WH "Where were her kids when she was sitting a block away from sons ball game, or when you two were at the beach etc,. and the answer is always "with their dad, or Aunt, or Uncle" This is very interesting to me, because the day he left he said "she makes me feel like the most important thing in the world to her"
I told him that if she had my schedule, work full time, clean, cook, take kids to games, she would not have time for that. He said she has "all the same responsibilites you do" but she still manages to make him feel like he is the most important thing to her" I beat myself up for a month over that. But it turns out she does not have the same responsiblities-she dumps her kids whenver she can. They do not play any sports, and her husband kicked her out of the house when he found out about my WH so she lives with friends. She may technically have the same responsibilites, she just doesn't do anything about it.

I guess I am just horrified that your H would so publicly humiliate your son at a football game by bringing his GF. I would ask him to stop coming to the games because it upsets your son. Your H is acting like a scumbag, he doesn't have to advertise that to your son's peers. I would just tell him that.

P.S. I don't think you behaved badly at all at the game.

I have asked H not to bring that woman to the games and his reply is "its a public event"
How lovely.
My husband coached my son and his peers in basseball for years, since 3rd grade. The parents of those boys are horrified that this has happened. These are the people I st with last night.
Husband figures that if they sit in the far corner of the stands, alone, son won't know she is there. But son was the first to see him, and told him so.
H head is up his bu** i'm afraid.
As I walked into the stands a friend says "hey, your husband is over there with a pretty girl" aprantly she didn't know. I said "thats no girl thats the whore he left me for"
She was horrified, and I regretted saying it like that. Later she said that he introduced this woman as his "girlfriend" but she thought he was joking. I didn't realize married men have girlfriends - married to another man no less.

The whole event just shows the world how selfish and thoughtless your H and OW are.

My ex did the same thing and refused to listen even to counselor warnings about pushing the OW on our sons too soon. They resent her now and tolerate her just to see their dad. MY ex wants to believe he and OW will create their own Brady Bunch family.

My ex seems to find the fact that nobody shares his love for the OW confusing.

You have nothing to be ashamed of...they are the losers and always will be!

Rhonda

It was wrong of you to say "whore." What do you think the word "floozy" is for? It's the one I use...

All I can say is <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> "Way to go". I'm kinda on a roll tonight and ready to rumble (so to speak).

You did just fine. They're the ones who need to be ashamed of their actions. My H had to keep company with OW instead of attending our grand-daughters games (she's a cheerleader).

Do it again next week if he has the balls to bring the b***h!

Sorry this is not MB approved, JMHO!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I agree that it was a gutsy thing for you to do. And I don't wnat to burst your bubble when I say this, but.....

Be careful what you do when the kids are around. Your son may have seen that, and it could have confused him terribly. Maybe he did see it, or even maybe some of his friends. It is tricky, but I just try to remember at all times that no matter what, the kids come first, and no matter how things affect me, they need to see a stable and strong parent, even in the face of extreme pain.

When my XH brings his new wife with him to pick up the kids, she stays in the car and I stay in the house, because I am afraid I would say or do something in front of the children that could do a lot of damage. We reached this agreement because I told my X point blank that she had better not be in my vision at any time, because I did not trust myself as to what I might do. For the sake of the children, he complied. I suggest that you tell your X the same.

Love and light,

Jacky

wof5, we have alot in common, We have been married almost 18 years, I am 39, I have a 11 year old and 4 year old and my d day was June 25 2003. lol. I too find my 11 year old to "feel" everything, I try to shield him but know he still feels the tension and such. I just keep reiterating to him that it has nothing to do with him. And my WS kept telling me the same thing, that his OW made him feel like the most special thing in the world and that she seems to balance it all. Of course being my ex best friend I know her better then he does and know that she has two kids in their late teens and the world revolves around her not the other way around. O' fantasy is so false but they have to find that out for themselves. Hold your head up high and when his fantasy world comes tumbling down he can see the rock that you are.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by womanoffaith5:
<strong> On a couple of occasions I have asked WH "Where were her kids when she was sitting a block away from sons ball game, or when you two were at the beach etc,. and the answer is always "with their dad, or Aunt, or Uncle" This is very interesting to me, because the day he left he said "she makes me feel like the most important thing in the world to her"
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aaahahahahahaha....... ha ha ha ha....... HA!

I been getting the same bunch of doo doo. My D doesn't want to be around OM. So my WW dumps D off on my D's BF's mom (Linda). Linda feels sorry for my D and keeps her until my WW finishes what ever nocternal activity she is doing. I blew up when I heard that, so I told my D to call me whenever OM comes or my WW wants to dump my D on someone. Someone's got to be the parent and I'm it. I try to make my D always feel wanted and loved. I do as much with her as I can.

2 peas in a pod. My WW told me we started to grow apart after my D was born (15 yrs ago!!!!)

In a phone call, OMW told me she and OM were happy until she gave birth. Both OM and WW are so self-centered, they only care about themselves and not a fig for anything or anyone else. Sometimes I wonder why I try to get her back. WW and OM seem to be a match made in He11. If that's fog, it is thick enough for them to choke on.

km4
when I read that your D day was June 25 it took my breath away. For some reason I have scanned every post looking for someone with the same day. I don't know why, but some how it brings comfort to know someone else has been at this for the same amount of time as me.

Monty-
you crack me up!
Something I find very intersting - there are a lot of us on this site who have sons playing football. You never see poststhat say "when I went to my sons soccer game...." but football is common. I wonder why?

So....todays event was this -
Younger son plays football as well. Yesterday WH wen to hi game, and asked me where older son was. He was at a birthday party. WH was disappointed not to see him. I gave WH several bills to pay, and then filled him in on the latest with his boys. Older son got a concussion at the game Thurs night. Younger son throws up for no apparant reason (we can all guess why) Younger son now has a Dr. appt. Monday so WH offers to take son to appt (guilt??) I agree to WH taking son, although I worry that WH will not tell Dr that he may be the problem.
So...today I start to feel sorry for WH. He calls and asks to talk to older son, who isn;t here. I invite W to dinner, to give him a chance to visit with both boys, but he says "I don;t think I should, I have things to do this afternoon". I assume those "things" he has to do involve OW. When did his kids take 2nsd place to some other floozy who will abandon her own kids and H? My WH cried at the birth of both boys. Yet, he will go 2 weeks solid without seeing them now. And they are really good kids. They are everything he ever wanted.
I keep putting myself last in all of this. I say things like "I must not yhave been good enough" "I couldn't keep the kids Dad around"
But, somewhere deep inside, I know that I was a good wife. I cooked, cleaned, gave birth to 2 great boys, and we were still having sex at least 2-3 times per week. Every mornign I kissed him and said "I love you". Every night before bed I kissed him and said "I love you"
Ok ok - so he can walk out on mne because this OW is his "soul mate". But hwe can't some to dinner to see his sons?
What happened to the man I married?
Why did God let me marry him?

I wouldn't bring God into it.

Probably 95 percent of the people in the world would STILL trade places with us, even with all this stuff going on. We do have it lucky, still. (We're eating, for one thing. We're still walking with our feet on the ground and not six feet beneath it.)

And even with all this stuff, there are much crummier spouses in the world then we have. All we have to do is visit a women's shelter where families are cowering in fear.

Never forget that we will survive this -- it will pass. We'll be alive at the end.