I know some already know my story here. I am now struggling with the fact that my H is now in Calif. on business this week with the OW meeting him to spend the weekend together. I would love a weekend away but I have responsibilities. I have two kids whom I love to death. I have a home, homework, yardwork, housework, lunches etc. When can I just up and leave all my responsibilites behind and play the single life and have a fun weekend away? Please someone tell me why I am hanging on here. I know I love my H but do I deserve this? Why would someone treat the person they love like this? I am so very sad right now.

Oh Very Sad,<P>I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this..... Here's a BIG HUG!!!!!<P>You are taking care of life in the real world and your H has escaped into Fantasyland!!! It's stinks and it's not fair!!!!! (boy is that an understatement!!)<P>I just want you to know that you aren't alone and alot of us have had these same thoughts and feelings. I keep hoping that it's just part of the fantasy of infidelity and my H will snap to his senses eventually.......in the meantime, YEP, we have to take care of everything.<P>You know what I fantasize about......that someday if H comes out of this and comes back home. I won't make one decision for the next two years at least!!!! LOL!!!<P>I'm serious - I'm gonna let my brain be on a fantasy vacation as far as thinking so hard and trying to decide what to do and how to do it.<P>It helps me when I feel overloaded to picture this scenario about H ......I figure that I can take a minute or two and have this fantasy play in my head to perk me up and keep me going.<P>Try something like that if you can.....it will not only help you in a small way but the little time out that your brain takes for it will rejuvenate you and help push you on to deal with everything better.<P>Hugs and Strength to you,<P>Sheba

Very Sad... I feel sorry for you having to go through it... <P>I have a suggestion for you though... one you might want to think about.<P>Your H is off on a wonderful weekend... doing what he wants knowing he will come home to find his adoring wife, the kids and a house all spick and span and well kept.<P>Don't be there!<P>Either take your kids to your parents, grand parents, cousins or SOMEPLACE you think he wont immediately try to find or contact.<P>Take the kids there the day before he gets back, dont do the chores around the house, forget the yardwork, forget lunches... just leave it exactly the way it is, bed all made and unslept in.<P>When he comes home he will not find you there, nor the kids, nor any sign of you. He calls your parents... your not there... he calls people he "thinks" you might be with.. your not there.<P>The point of this is he needs to know you are not something to kick around, be a housewife, a mother, a worker and he can go off and play when he feels like it.<P>Hopefully this will shock him a little, perhaps even worry him about what has happened to you...<P>You have to take control for yourself, and do for you what is right... don't be a doormat and wait for him to come back. If you go to someones house and can leave the kids there for a night do so... and spend the time walking along a river bank or watching a movie (one your H would normally turn his nose up at) or do something for yourself as a single person... enjoy it.

Thanks guys for the support. Great ideas, only problem is that H is living in an apartment at the moment and won't even come home. Plus the fact that all my family are overseas and I don't have any family in this country. Apart from those little details, I do appreciate your help and support. I know I have to stop imagining what they are doing and going etc but it is driving me insane. I also see her each day at school and knowing she is going there this weekend is tearing me apart.<P>PS Thanks for the hug Sheba I really need it I feel so alone.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Very Sad (edited September 14, 1999).]

Dear Very Sad, <P>HERE IS ANOTHER BIG HUG!!! You deserve<BR>a great many of them for what you are going<BR>through. <P>You mentioned that you have no family here.<BR>That makes matters all that more difficult<BR>for you. It would be so much easier if you<BR>could have some form of escape from the<BR>everyday routine responsibilities, and the<BR>heartache of staying in a home the two of<BR>you have shared together. Do you have any<BR>close friends who might take care of your<BR>children for a day or two, so you might <BR>go away with another lady friend? I don't think you should be alone. You need to be<BR>with someone you can talk to, while sharing<BR>something fun. I'm simply making a suggestion. If this is impossible for you, <BR>you might want to speak to someone in your<BR>church. Whatever you decide,I am praying for you most sincerely!<BR>

Thanks for all the hugs, I really need them right now. I will try to do something on the weekend with the kids and get them away from here for a while. One of the problems I have faced here is that I don't know if this MB site actually helped my Husband or made him worse. He started reading in here, which I obviously encouraged, and then he began to read some stories where the betrayer was spending weekends etc with their OP and the wife or husband was sitting at home waiting for them and I got the impression that he realised he could probably do this since lots of people on here are and getting away with it. Before that he had always just talked on the phone, occasional lunches etc and was not rubbing my nose in it, do I just sit tight and wait for the fantasy to die?

Very Sad, I'm sorry for your situation. I've felt like you many times. I've gone to far as to price airline tickets to Mexico for 1. I still might do it for my 40 birthday...squirreling money away as I type. I have approximated how much he has spent on his times with the OW and put away a corresponding amount. IT'S MINE.<P>Do something for you and the kids, whether it is a movie, hike, picnic, rollarskating, mini-golf, museum, sightseeing, the goofier the better. You've got to continue to have a life.<P>You know I encouraged my H to come here, but then took a really clear look at some of the posts, as you've pointed out, and I kind of backed off. I feel cautious about this being a good place for UNCOMMITTED, CONTINUING betrayers to do unlimited browsing. <P>I'm not talking about the betrayers here who are frequent, regular posters and really sincerely & with honesty trying to make their marriages work, but if I've offended someone by this previous statement, I can take a blast.