Hello dear MB friends.
Star* - thank you SO much for your letter. I read it and sadly it was deleted by mistake the same day. I hope you can forgive for never writing back.
I've been thinking a lot about my situation and now I have to go to Plan B for my own sake - the australian OW will stay in Denmark till after christmas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
This letter will be handed over to WH tomorrow night after we have both attended a parents meeting at S's school.
Any comments will be appreciated - on typos too because I had to translate it for OW - I am Danish you know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here goes........

Dear H

I hope you’ll read this letter and the two pages from the diary I wrote while you were travelling through Spain. I missed you so much and by sending you these pages I want you to get a picture of why I felt so much pain when I discovered the truth about your journey. Maybe you’ll be able to understand why I didn’t want to separate from you when you came home.
The two of us never really talked before or after you left, and it is very important to me that you know some of my feelings and thoughts at that time.

>>>>>>For MB’s: - I plan on sending WH two pages ripped from the diary I wrote when he was in Spain – pages with my thoughts about how much I love him, trust him and miss him! For his eyes only - not for OW

Once again I will like to acknowledge and apologize for my share of what led you to choose to have an affair. Sometimes I didn’t see what you needed, and many times I failed at showing you the love I felt for you – I got irritated when I felt that you didn’t recognize my needs, in stead of talking to you about what we both felt. I regret that.

For a long time I had a great deal of my attention focused on S - I am truly sorry that this from time to time took my focus away from the importance of spending leisure time with you and nurturing our relationship as sweethearts.
Of course I should have said yes when we got the opportunity to move to the flat in march.
I realize that I for a long period of time have been afraid of changes, but now I can proudly say that I have changed in that area as well as in all other areas we talked about earlier.
As I have told you many times I would do anything for us to recreate our family and renew our love and respect for each other - for us to say goodbye to old habits and shed light on the good things we once shared - that we could be true lovers and equal partners who would support each other and have an unbreakable friendship.
---------------------------
The step I now must take has been in my thoughts for a long time – it’s not one of choise but on of necessity – purely to protect and preserve the feelings I still have for you. It hurts every time I see you when I know you live with another woman.
This is why I don’t wish to see you or speak with you before your affair with OW has ended.
When we do have contact I want it to be only by mail or Email.
I you need to contact me, please use the following Email-address.
Concerning important matters related to S. we can talk on the phone.

I ask you to respect my wish to be separated from you this way.

If you at some point end your relationship with OW, and if you want to wholeheartedly wish for you and I to try and create a loving and truly different future together, I would be very happy to see you and talk to you again.
Now I have to move on with my life and continue to make it wonderful for S and myself.

I will never forget what a fantastic man you were.
I am confident that you will continue to be good father for S.

Take care my love…

---Danish

<small>[ September 23, 2003, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: Danish ]</small>

Yikes Danish....

this line scares me a little...

As I have told you many times I would do anything for us to recreate our family and renew our love and respect for each other -

that's dangerous waters to tread on...what if he uses those words against for outrageous disrepectful demands...

example...not "see" other woman..but still be "friends" and in contact..
not go to counselling etc...

Once again I will like to acknowledge and apologize for my share of what led you to choose to have an affair. Sometimes I didn’t see what you needed, and many times I failed at showing you the love I felt for you –

that parts good..I think you would leave out his actions that caused you "irritation" that may put him on the defense...

other parts are good...

blessings to you ...
ARK

Danish,

Ark is right on. Make the minor changes there...and then I think it is good. Get it to him, and then go dark.

In His arms.

Ark & Mortarman!
Thank you very much for your input.

It's true that I would not accept everything just to get him back.
Maybe "I'm willing to do what it takes for us to..." is better?

Danish,

I hope you will not send the diary pages. Please remember that the things included in a Plan B letter.....and the things omitted...all have a purpose.

One of the things omitted....are any walks down memory lane. Why? Because while he is in the fog....he will cease to see the beauty of them...he will only see someone who is yearning for him.

I also wish that he didn't have so much access to you.....that opens the door for all kinds of contact. According to you.....he can still email you....still call you. Is there no intermediary you can use to go between? Why must he call about your son unless it is an emergency. I think he still has too many options. For the Plan B to have ANY hope of helping....it must be COMPLETE. He must MISS access to you....and he won't if he still has it.

There are some wording and grammar editting I can do if you like.

There are also a couple of things you didn't put in that I believe are important.

You did GREAT telling him how you contributed to the vulnerability of the marriage.

But instead of telling him (yet again)....how and why you are devastated I would like you to talk about NOW....your feelings now....not the past. Talk about how this is so painful, that you are stopping contact to prevent all the love you have for him from being completely destroyed. That you are preserving that love by going to no contact.

Please try to come up with ideas for emergency contact only.

Hope this helps....I will help you write if you need it or wish me to.

hugs