O.K. here's the question ladies. My birthday is tomorrow (I'll be 36, YUK!!). My husband always seems to wait until the last minute to try to get me something then he goes one more step and wants me to go with him and the kids "to pick out something I'd like". This happens with almost everything, every year. Is it just me or is it to much to ask for him to put a little thought into it so I don't have to always pick my own gifts out???

oohh oohh ooh I know this one... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My H has the imagination of a slug...and I say that in love <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I got tired of getting the weirdest presents you have ever seen in your life, so I made a game of it...

If we're doing the "you pick it out" family thing it must include dinner for all of us (my choice) and I get a new outfit, or something I really want..a lot of family fun time. And H HATES to shop at the mall so this is not an option too many times.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

For christmas I give him a "dear Santa" list, I do it just like a little kid.. you know the list you used to make when you were a kid. I put so many things I like on it that he can pick and chose between prices..it's fun. I never really know what I'll get and it helps him to learn more about what I like.

for my birthday, anniversary, etc. I do the same but I tell him it's a "wish list". He can pick one (or all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) of the things on the list. It has helped so much because now he can buy spontaneous gifts and he's very good at it. He knows what I like from the lists I've made in the past.

If you look at it in a fun way it will be alot of fun and you won't get those goofy gifts that men seem to always buy....

According to some research I'd heard about somewhere, men register the same level of stress while shopping that they do in a war zone.

It gives you some idea...

My H, who was awful in this regard, used to describe it as the fear of buying the wrong thing.

It's irritating, but I'd humor him.

From the guys perspective,

Early in our marriage I was terriable at picking out stuff for my now WW.

Then I decided to challenge myself in fixing this flaw. I started listening to my wife months before her Birthday at things she talked about seeing herself or thought she liked.

Tell you husband to think about items that work with the time of year your birthday's in.

Obviously your fall - so new boots, jacket, scarf etc. Warm fall PJ's, tanning sessions.

of course theres the usual ideas - books, cd's, facial, bath stuff, chocolates, flowers a week early (surprise), earings, sexy undies,

He can do it, he just needs to try and if it's not what you expect then still reward his effort.

Miseable,

Consider yourself lucky, my WH doesnt even buy me anything. Well at least the past couple of years. I bought him a couple "little things" this past X-MAS because money was very tight and we have 5 kids to buy for. (This was before D-Day). His B-Day was after D-Day (and we still live together while A continues) and I even bought him a gift then. Quite a nice one if I dont say so myself (a 325.00 pool cue he had been wanting for a long time). My past B-Day nothing not even a card from my kids. His excuse is always the same "I dont know what to get you." Well the first 4 years of our relationship you did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> so whats the problem now. I guess what I am trying to say is go ahead and take Margue's advice and have a blast and make it all about you. I know this X-MAS, if we are still together my WH is getting a Dear Santa letter from me. Enjoy your day and Happy Birthday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 24, 2003, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: WFLOWER ]</small>

Think of what you really want/need and tell him exactly where to get it. And tell him to bring flowers and a lovely card and take you out to dinner and a movie. Hire a babysitter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

yes ... we men do, indeed, have the imagination of slugs.

but, i find, that the road runs both ways in these matters. we're gripped with fear after that one time we get something that's completely wrong that we don't want to screw it up again ... so out the window goes our risk-taker at gift giving times.

i agree with the others ... help him out be being not-so-subtly subtle. he'll figure it out. now my wife tells me what she wants -- no ifs, ands or buts. the trick for me is throwing her off the track.

i'll explain. one year she wanted a guitar. so i made her believe she was getting a puppy and not a guitar (because guitars are too expensive <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). she was actually looking around for the puppy after opening her guitar. it was fun.

Thanks for all the good ideas. I like the game idea margue, I'll have to be sure to remember that for next time.

Goodguy, when he's done stuff on his own, he does great. That's why I don't get it and believe me, as far as being rewarded for his effort, he is, repeatidly! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Lisa0705, I've had lots of those too and all I can say is I'm sorry that things aren't going well for you either. Thanks for wishes and please know that they're appreciated!

Wflower,
Thanks for the reply, but I'm frustrated because I don't want to have to tell him what to do, what to buy or make my sitter arrangments for my birthday. I just think it would be great if HE did all the planning and put forth an effort for ME once in a while and I don't think that once a year is asking to much. Do you???

I'm telling you girl, if you start with the list they learn and then do it on their own!!

H used to be awful at gifts, either bought stuff for the house or one year he bought me a gun...hhhmmm where is there by the way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I had been "hinting" at a $300 mixer, he bought a gun..go figure.

So I stopped with the mind reading tricks and just gave him a list...

Now he has gotten so much better at it. He even planned a romantic weekend for our anniversary for me...kidnapped me after work and everything. It was PERFECT. I loved it, had chocolates waiting in the room and flowers. It was beautiful..

They get it after awhile. And I make a HUGE DEAL out of it when he gets it right. It's a major deposit in my love bank (and I tell him so).

Ok, i'm just going to lay out my thoughts here. First, to answer your question, yes it would hurt my feelings.

Now the hard part...You want him to do something without your input, he does not get it, you are unhappy, he still does not get it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You need to start by letting him know way in advance, (sorry, this is not going to work for tomorrow) that you really don't want to go and pick out your own gift. My own Mother actually called me one year and told me to get my own gift and let her know how much $$ she should send me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> So often, loved one's are so worried about buying the "perfect gift" that they fail to see that their choosing it is what makes it special.

Make a list of some gift ideas and put it on his dresser or desk. Be sure to include sizes and/or specific store suggestions.

Let him know that you would LOVE it if he would plan a special dinner or activity, give him a few suggestions!

I feel for you, but I also have a sometimes bonehead H, 3 brothers and 3 sons. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

They really do need a little help sometimes and they are trainable! My college son actually sent me an engraved silver heart shaped box with a necklace in it for Mother's Day. I was so shocked I just stood in the kitchen and cried!

I hope you have a great birthday, and remember to start on those ideas for Christmas, etc.

Good morning all. Sorry I didn't respond sooner, but I do this at work. Thanks Margue and Ladysing for the great input. I guess in the future I'll try giving him a list of some ideas or at least asking him if he'd like one to help him out. Most of the time my kids (12, 9 and 6 mos), at least the older 2 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> have their own ideas, but my hubby is sometimes (not all) at a loss. Just so you don't think he's a total goof he really is very thoughtful and fun the majority of the time. He has also planned "special times" for us here and there which is really cool. It's been an extremely hard climb back up for us after his affair but having pretty much gotten though it (it's been 4 years) we are probably closer and happier. We've been married for 14 years and the last year or so have been the best ever. Everyone here has been so wonderful and so helpful. I hope you guys know that there is always someone out there like me that truly appreciates the time you take to reply. Thanks again and have a great <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> day!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi
this thread made me smile- I've already posted on another thread about one of my H's 'presents' to me. However i also had the opposite problem. he never wante me to chhose his birthday present but always wanted to choose and buy his own. I sort of accepted this but found that as a result , now when I want to help the children choose a present for their Dad I stuggle because I never had any practice!
I've learnt my lesson though- in a future rel. i won't allow that to happen.
Jante
ps last year I did give my x a santa list for him to help the children choose from- and still didn't get anything I liked!

"Happy Birthday to you!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hope you have a good one, hey 36 would look pretty good to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Let us know how your H did, we want to grade him on his efforts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yeah....I have the opposite problem too. My W's bd is today and for weeks she's been saying that she wants a shopping trip. So that's what we're doing Saturday.
More and more, she's been asking to get her own gifts for birthday, Christmas, whatever. I don't know if that's just what she wants, of if I'm that bad of a shopper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Ladysing, thank you for the birthday wishes. It was a pretty quiet evening though. We decided to go out for dinner (w/kids) and to the mall tonight instead of last night. Mostly because kids won't have to get up early in the am. So that's what we're doing. Dinner and then I get to pick out a few things that I need. I felt bad for my two older kids lastnight though because they had forgotten about my birthday and dad didn't take them for cards or anything, so after supper, they went to their rooms and made a card from all three of them. I don't think they truly understand when I tell them that I love the card they made more than one they would have bought because they made it not someone else. They're awesome kids and they are without a doubt what keeps me going and why some days I get out of bed.

OK, have a good shopping trip because it's going to be your last! Next year he will have your hints and lists and do the shopping without you!

Hope your dinner was nice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and have a great weekend! Ladysing