We had a great night last night (and this morning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

H received a prayer cloth from a minister that he asked to prayer for the church we used to attend (OW still attends there).

On his way out the door he throws at me "Do you mind if we stop by there during the day and put it on the pulpit?"

Ok, so first instinct was "oh yeah, maybe you'll run into that whore while you're there...or why did you bring this up in front of your brother so I feel obligated to say ok??"

But being the new person that I am I said "sure, just do me a favor, call me before you go over there...it makes me feel a whole lot better when I know before things happen"

He says (with this stunned look on his face) "You sure it's ok???" "I said, yep..just call me"

He was shocked... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It makes me uncomfortable that he is going over there, there is a good possibily that he may run into her..anything is possible. She lives about 3 or 4 blocks from the church...sooo??.

But I will keep my insecurities to myself thank you very much.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ September 27, 2003, 09:54 PM: Message edited by: margue ]</small>

Margue,
Who is the "we" in his question?

"Do you mind if we stop by there during the day and put it on the pulpit?"

It seems like he asked you to be with him?

"We" as in him and his brother. They work together now.

No he didn't mean him and I...that I would have REALLY loved. But that's not gonna happen. He doesn't think about him and I doing it...he thinks I hate that church and everyone in it.

So it would be logical for him not to ask me, but I wish that for once he won't think of things logically, and do something he thinks would touch my heart.

But he doesn't.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 25, 2003, 10:06 AM: Message edited by: margue ]</small>

I'm gonna post updates on this thread from now on...Shugah said it was less confussing.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Had first conversation on phone today...went very well...laughed, joked around..

I called and said "Hey why haven't you called me all day?" He says "all day? all day?" I started giggling.."yeah all day" He says, "what time is it" 11:00a, he left at 9am..hehe

So we laughed for a little while, hung up and he called me back...joked around and then he had to get to work...good conversation about nothing.

OK HERE'S A QUESTION::

Should I ask him not to take the cloth to the other church without me? or just let him and his brother do it?

It does bother me somewhat but not a big LBer or withdraw..just would like to be included. But not a real biggie..what do you all think??

How about, "H I really admire you for wanting to place the prayer cloth on the pulpit, would you mind if we did it together and both said a prayer right there?"

Hit "admiration", "quality time together" and if you play your cards right, "affection" in one trip <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Thanx for the reply, Lor,

That's a good idea. The only problem is he wants to do it during the day when there is no possibility of anyone being there.

If we go at night it would have to be late at night.

I'll ask him when he gets home tonite.

______________________________________

update:

We went out last night, he called me and asked me if I want to go grab something to eat. It was fun.

I told him last night "we have to stop meeting like this, people are gonna talke" he says," oh yeah, wait til they hear you are taking me home everynight"...hehehe I said "oh yeah, wait until they hear what we've been doing for the last few days" He burst out laughing.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I didn't want to bring up anything serious but he brought up that he had made another MC appointment. I asked him something that I have been wondering about..."what do you get out of them, why do you want to go?" I had a suspicion the only reason we are going was because he wanted to please me.

He hesitated, I said, baby it's not a trick question, just tell me. He say, "cause I know it pleases you". I could have cried, how sweet.

I said, "well each time I get there early enough to talk to the man at least 20 or 30 min by myself, why don't you just go by yourself, and I'll pick you up when you're done?"

He says "are you sure, that would be kind of good for me right now". I said sure..because you thought of us first, our marriage, ME, I certainly don't feel threatened by you wanting to see the guy, even if you want to take the next couple of times and see him by yourself."

He was very pleased..

I also asked.."do I seem different to you?"
Yeah, he say, you seem happier. I could have died...1 1/2 days and he already noticed. I told him that I was tired of being in fear that it was my fault and I apologized for taking it out on him. I told him that I was no longer going to let fear motivate and control either of us, he said "sounds good to me".

Poor guy, living with a complete whacko lately... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So he is enjoying his "new" wife. I'm plan Aing my butt off!!!

Everything in this house is for him, to make him happy...no strings attached. We'll do this for a while before we start talking about serious stuff..we both need a break.

I also did something rather goofy, but I felt I needed to do it to get closure....

I sent the OW a letter and told her exactly what I thought about her and what she has done. It was not a very nice letter, but not deadly either. I have refrained from saying anything to her for the past 8 months and I just needed to let it out. She should get the letter either today or tomorrow.

I feel so much better. I feel ready to move on...if he choses to stay or go it will be his choice. And if he choses to be with her, he is more of a loser then I would have ever thought and she can have him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So in the mean while his life is perfect...hehehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Margue,

If your H and his brother have put the cloth in the church, why don't you ask him to take you over to see it??? I doubt seriously if he will ask you to go to that church UNLESS you suggest it.

Just a thought.

God Bless,

JL

Hey Just Learning,

Do you read my answers to you in the other thread?? hope so..

They haven't put in in yet.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I doubt seriously if he will ask you to go to that church UNLESS you suggest it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, I think so too. Should I or just leave it alone??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But being the new person that I am I said "sure, just do me a favor, call me before you go over there...it makes me feel a whole lot better when I know before things happen"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Margue--
I almost missed this thread, but am so glad I didn't! That was a great answer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Personally, I'd let it go at that...esp if going to the old church will set off triggers for you. But if it really means a lot to you to go, then ask him to go with you to see it and say a prayer there.

Kathi

kam,

HEY!! We're playing tag...you're it..I just answered you on the other thread in Emotional Needs...hehe

I think I'm just gonna let it go. Let him and his brother go do it.

It's not that big of a deal anyway.

Picking my battles... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

We are going to teach a Bible study tonite so we'll have alone time..

I'm NOT talking about relationship stuff..nothing more serious then the goofy things that happened to me today...and the great brownies I will have in the care with me tonite..!

Update, Saturday

H and his brother went to the church and put in the prayer cloth. They went earlier in the day and some people were there. Probably her, because her aunt was there and some other of her friends, so H left and said they'd come back later.

I asked him, "Did your heart beat a little faster thinking you'd see her?" He said "No, he really didn't feel anything"

That made me very happy...he left the cloth, prayed for awhile and called me when he left. I thanked him over and over for calling.

He said "thanks for letting me go and not making a big deal about it"

I said "no problem" which was not the truth I was scared to death!! he would run into her. But I didn't let him see it, I just came on here, typed alittle bit and starting baking cheesecakes, brownies, and banana bread..middle son is raising money to go on a youth trip.

Things have been really good, but I know he's waiting for the other shoe to drop....I could just die because of that...poor baby.. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />