I am appalled at the numbers of people who have affairs and think it perfectly ok to conceal this from their spouses. And apprently this is a widespread phenomena, as I recall studies show the majority of affairs are never revealed...hard to believe huh.....millions of unsuspecting spouses in marriages they may have chose to leave and/or which can never really be very good (cause of the secret).

One can only wonder what kind of manipulative individual would do that to someone. Infidelity is bad enough, but usually understandable, and once revealed at least a resolution is reached in the light of truth for all parties....but to deliberately conceal infidelity is a monstrous act, far worse than the infidelity itself, it literally robs the spouse of their basic humanity, the right to decide their own existence. It is cold-hearted, caluculating assault on another human being, for the purpose of keeping someone bound to you for your own benefit. They have no say whatsoever in the matter, might as well drug or brainwash them. There is no excuse, no counter argument, there can't be....there is not a soul on this planet (except for the mentally ill in some fashion) who would agree to a marriage on the condition that if their spouse has an affair, keep it a secret. People who do this reveal themselves as extremely dangerous controllers, they define narcissism, they apparently have no ability whatsoever to be honest and seek a healthy marriage, choosing rather to control the choices of their spouse. This is bad enough, but even worse, in their single-minded effort to control the marriage by keeping the secret...they actually destroy the opportunity to have a great marriage, so they don't even get what they supposedly "seek", when if they had told, they would have had a good chance at a successful marriage....infidelity does not end marriages, behaviour ends marriages. Not to mention the collateral psychological damage caused by keeping the secret...such as perhaps ones spouse themself having an affair, or ones kids have emotional issues cause mom/dad is not right.

Ok, so what do all the betrayed spouses (who don't even know they are betrayed, but can (and usually do) sense the imbalance in the marriage. Maybe what would be a good thing in terms of social good, and a proper role of government in keeping the peace, and a level playing field, is to include a few things in the granting of a marriage license.

Along with testing for std's, would be a requirement that every few years both spouses have a polygraph checkup...and a retest for stds too for that matter. The purpose of the polygraph checkup being simply a probe to reveal whether either spouse has been keeping secrets, and if so then additional questions to reveal the secret. Everyone I know says truth is vital and expected in marriage, so this should be no problem....right?

This would reveal infidelities, money deceit, drug or other illicit/criminal activities, sexual improprieties (such as porn, or pedophilia, etc.). Frankly I think if we did this this year, exposed all the secrets in marriages the kinds and amounts of secrets revealed would be truly incredible, and profoundly depressing...but it would be a start toward healthy marriages, and a excellent way for people to deal with the trust issues in the face of so much deceit. It would also be a huge motivator to behave oneself, knowing with certainty, your secrets will be revealed.

<small>[ September 27, 2003, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

^

Yes, infidelity is grossly widespread today, and it is a testimony to the moral condition of the human race today, but suggesting that the government should try to "force" honesty between two people is kind of scary.
The role of government is so out of hand as it is, do we really want them telling us how to interact with our SO? Granted, people should be honest with each other, but giving the government (or anyone else) the authority to sniff out dishonesty is just passing the buck where it doesn't belong.
We have a responsibility to be honest with those that we love. If we pass on that responsibility, the results are ours to take. And there are results.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by high_road:
<strong>Yes, infidelity is grossly widespread today, and it is a testimony to the moral condition of the human race today, but suggesting that the government should try to "force" honesty between two people is kind of scary.
The role of government is so out of hand as it is, do we really want them telling us how to interact with our SO? Granted, people should be honest with each other, but giving the government (or anyone else) the authority to sniff out dishonesty is just passing the buck where it doesn't belong.
We have a responsibility to be honest with those that we love. If we pass on that responsibility, the results are ours to take. And there are results.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">sufdb...Ok, forget the govt (but hey, the govt controls all licensing, so is no big deal...and they don't get a report, this is just for the married couple). Just make it a cultural expectation, everyone just "do it", go down to your local polygrapher every couple years for a marital tune up...people go to marital erichments all the time....same thing....be very enriching to have passed a polygraph regularly methinks.

I'm not sure I think a mandatory polygraph is a good idea. While I believe in total honesty with your spouse, there are those who disagree. However, one thing I do think the government should mandate is a mandatory DNA test whenever a child is born. It would prevent problems down the road, and would certainly protect the "father" from being financially responcible for a child that is not his.
Michael