I posted this late last night on In Recovery and thought I would post it here as well since this was where I started posting originally. But I'm happy to be moving over to Recovery---feeling peaceful today.
Here's the post:
I was someone who was adamant about not telling my H about EA with OM. Well, thanks to encouragement from MB and my dear friends in ladies chat...tonight I found the strength to do this. I told my H that I was involved in what was called an EA with OM at work...but that it was over. I will spare all the details of the conversation...but I now recognize once again why I married this man. This is the man that I said would be crushed and would leave me. I was wrong. He suspected all along and said he tried to say this to me...but I didn't get it. He felt it was something I needed to see on my own--that no matter what he would have said, I wouldn't have seen what he saw and he is right. He did ask if it went physical---which it didn't---and I told him that. I told him that I didn't even realize what I was doing until I was deep in the fog. And please keep in mind that OM and I never shared specific feelings for one another---we talked all the time online and some of those conversations were about sex--although not necessarily about sex with each other. But some were pretty graphic and it was a form of flirtation. And the enticing and flirting went on at work. I told my H that this man was filling a void that I needed to fix in my marriage. I told him that things are finished and that the fog has lifted...but that I needed to be honest with him...about this EA and temptation I had. He was wonderful. He told me the past is just that---it is the past. And he wants us to move forward with our marriage. I was stunned---this is not to say that there won't be other questions later...and I will answer them if he has them. He told me he did not want specific details---and I'm not sure if that is good or not. I do have some concerns about not giving specific details about when we would talk late at night online, the graphic nature of some of the sex talk, etc.--but that's because he says he does not need to know that. I will follow his lead.
I feel like I no longer have to hide this terrible event of the past---I feel as if I have been given a second chance. I have learned so much about myself in the process and about what our marriage needs to be--and what I need to do to make it better. I feel as if this sin has been exposed to the light.
Thank you Sealfan, Calypso, Meand, Itsme, Anchorhugger, Way2, Hanora, Hopeful98, Annette and many others who have helped me so much in ladies chat. Sealfan--you and I need to talk--you pushed me tonight, I thank you for that.
I do have some questions...I am thinking about following tonight's events with a letter to my H that sort of reiterates the confession, my love for him and what I will do to make our marriage better. I'm not sure if I should do that or not. Perhaps I should just leave things as they are. So any advice would be helpful. Also, what can I expect next? I love him for how he handled this, but am worried that he almost took it too well--is that possible?
H and I are attending Rekindling the Romance in November--I can't wait--and now that this secret has been exposed--it will mean that much more to us.
--------------------
DIR (Doin' It Right)
