My SO had an emotional affair with his best friend's fiance for a year or so. I was not with him at the time, and since we've become close, the EA has ended. Still, it causes me great confusion and anxiety. Panic attacks. Migraines, shakes, mainly, I think, because the last significant relationship I was in (four years ago) was with a man who had a double life and was unfaithful our entire relationship and throughout my pregnancy. My current SO is a wonderful man, honest, and loving, and I have been trying to protect him from my anxiety concerning his past (but recent) EA b/c I feel like my hyper-sensitivity is a result of my past and not necessarily his EA. But I'm still terrified, and feel like I'm about to crack. We've talked about boundaries b/w men and women friends, and I felt somewhat better ... but I still struggle horribly with trusting this nice, loving person, who has been a good friend to me for years. Any suggestions?

Welcome to MB.

Suggestions:

1. Get a good MC. If you can schedule some phone couseling time with Steve, Jennifer or Cerri that would be great.

2. Read the concepts section above

3. Get ahold of the books: Surviving an Affair, His Needs/Her Needs, Giver/Taker, all are by Dr W. Harley.

4. Both take the emotional needs questionnaire.

5. Come back and post.

L.