I have been praying and praying to find a way to figure out my H. We had 7 years together & throughout our M he has been a secretly deceiving serial cheater.
He has been unstable with his life & everything in it. Cannot keep employment. Has a back injury which he is dependant on his pain medication for (& to feed his dependency) & he smokes weed.
He blows up quickly, cannot seem to understand anyone else's feelings or point of view if you beat it in his head & seems to have no care for life.
Since we split & he left our home almost a month ago on the 9th he has been talking about self abusing himself (but that he's too afraid to commit any harm upon himself). He has been walking around in a fog & seems to show no emotion other then that of anger and frustration.
I have been having a tough time with this. I have prayed and prayed bringing all these things to god with hope for some answers on how I can set my feelings aside & be supportive to him.
Yeah..I know..he screws me over & hurts me worse then anyone ever could & here I am worrying about ways to be there FOR HIM.
I just want to see him become a good man. He's already 27 years old & his whole life has never stuck to anything & gave it his all.
He has got to be the most depressed, unconfident person that lacks so much will & drive..that I have EVER MET!

It drove me crazy while I was with him & it's driving me crazier now! I just happened to be reading someone's thread yesterday & someone suggested that her H had a personality disorder. I could relate with some of the characteristics so I decided to check out the link.
After searching through various descriptions of personality disorders I was amazed & shocked on how many characteristics my H has affiliating with having a Borderline Personality Disorder.

I just want so badly to be able to relate with someone. This new discovery of mine has me seeing so many flash backs with every description that was listed...it really bothers me. They say that disorders like this usually stems from childhood neglect and abuse & I believe it. On another post once, I got into detail about some of the abuse he was subjected to as a child. Tossed around from home to home never really feeling secure and accepted.

I feel terrible for him & although I believe he feeds into the "i'm sorry for you" attention, I don't want to start treating him like he's this fragile person but at the same time I don't want him feeling so alone anymore.

He has such potential to be something great & I hate to see him carrying on like this for the rest of his life. Our daughters really respect and love their daddy. At 4 and 2 your parents are everything to you....I know they can tell Daddy is sad & mixed up. I just want to help where I can as to set him free from all this pain he feels daily & keep the great love my daughters have for him now...forever..without them ever figuring out what is really behind the smiling face that greets them daily.

Can anyone relate with how it's like to have a personality disorder even if it's not this one in particular? Or even to love or know someone who does? I really don't know what to do with all this quite yet. Your insight is very helpful. Even if you've studied or read something that I have or haven't came across yet I would be more then willing to listen.

hopeful & confused... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
~Becky
by the way I'm really sorry for such a long post.

Addictive behaviour can resemble B.P.I know its frustrating when u feel u have the tools to help,but please take care of yoursef.
You have two kids who need at least one healthy parent.It,s good ur kids love their dad but u cant make him see how they need them.
I was like u and read everything hoping I would findd either the magic cure or a diagnosis so terrible I would have to give up.
I brought myself to the edge of suicide before I let go,in fact he got better far faster when I backed off.
It,s hard to see u are enabling when u are scared maybe he,ll kill himself accidently or otherwise.
Please get urself some support an I.C. or group.He is sick,but he has to want to recover himself,dont run yourself into the ground try and get some distance and be kind to yourself this is a tough time for u

Hello Becky,

I've got a mood disorder (bipolar) rather than a personality disorder. I'd like to warn you that self-diagnosis is notoriously bad. There are a host of things that could fit your H's profile. (Borderline, Bipolar, Depression, Addiction, Physical ailments, etc.) Your H will need a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis.

That said it is obvious from your post that your H has lots of problems and you really want to help him ... so take a deep breathe and repeat after me: You can not "fix" him! He must decide he wants help for himself. You can't force him to change ... if you keep expecting that you can "fix" then you will continue to drive yourself crazy.

You might find the thread in my sig to be useful.

A couple of weeks ago Harley had a call on his radio program from someone whose husband was on meds because he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I got a kick out of the description. Harley more or less said that BPF is another name for selfish. It's not that the guy doesn't want to please you. It's that he is unwilling to. He talked about his own term for a person with so-called BPD, and it is Freeloader. This person wants unconditional love which means you married me so you are committed to me no matter what I do and I choose to do what I want to make myself happy without regard for you. The book "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders" talks about the approach that a freeloader takes. Hope this helps. I bet someone who is selfish appreciates getting diagnosed with BFP: then it isn't choices they make; rather, it is a personality disorder that is ingrained and they can't change. Something to think about...

<small>[ October 02, 2003, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

I was recently diagnosed with Dissocative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) -

If you want, I can talk to you about the struggles that my H and I have in dealing with this... just let me know..

I just wanted to pass along a good website to you. bpdcentral.com . You can get a lot of great support there!

-mac the wife