On more than one occasion recently it seems that new posters have been deemed 'trolls'. I know of atleast one occasion where that was an incorrect assumption. I'm confused why it matters whether the poster is a troll or not? It just seems these troll hunts are marring our reputation and running off people who might need our help. Can't we just offer good advice and hope that it plants some good seeds...and ignore those we feel might have alternative agendas?

I'm not trying to shake a finger at anybody...I'm just not seeing how this potential troll hunting is productive.

You make an excellent point H4F but I guess this 'troll hunting' may have to do with the recent fallout over at the recovery forum where a so called BS by the name of Dustkitty turned out to be a genuine troll. Needless to say that the folks there didn't take it to well and Dustkitty was banned. I guess you could say that it has to do a lot with being deceived which is a reminder to many BS's of how they were deceived by their WS's during the affair.

If there is a concern about a post or poster, each post has a "report post" icon. Clicking it sends the text of that post and the link directly to your moderator's mailbox with the option of adding an explanatory message to the moderator if you wish.

Harassment of another poster is against the rules you all agreed to when you registered at MB, along with profanity and vulgarity (a little reminder).

It occurs to me that any WS type who comes in to this forum willingly is one who, of his/her own volition, recognizes a need for help. They're aware that what they're doing is wrong and also aware that the right thing is not so easy to make happen and wish to find a way through the fog.

And the fog... I digress for a moment... is a thing which though quite logical and simple in it's analogical application, it is, to an entrenched WS, insulting. Some here, as I've experienced, would say "so what?" So... it's a button... no need to pound on it with a sledgehammer when a feather touch sinks it in.

Another important thing to realize is that a "Troll" is labeled as such here on MB often, and from my own experience, when he/she demands validation for feelings which to them are very - very real. This does not constitute validation of the actions which resulted from those feelings. Through my own journey here I found FWS's who find ultimately that there was no love involved in the A... Those would fall in the majority... but there are those few who believe that though the A was based in genuine love and still to this day hold good thoughts for the OP, the A was destructive and had to end. I have a certain faith in those percentages.

I have yet to see a "Troll" here on MB. All I have seen are a sad number of human beings in a great deal of pain... myself included... over having been betrayed or having betrayed. The discourse from WS's in these threads doesn't show a person who is without feeling. On the contrary... I would say their feelings are all over the board. The fact that they came here should be a salient indicator of a tremendous inner struggle. Some BS's here on MB are very quick to wrath and, in the blindness of their own anger, are flippant and often hurtful in their responses. The targeted WS is either immediately defensive and is as a result the recipient of the "Troll of the Hour" award, or they simply don't come back.

There is a place for tough love and compassion here on MB. I've received it as recently as yesterday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . There is no place for angry outbursts... especially when you consider that you're typing and you have the opportunity to reread... preview... correct... reread... correct... reread... preview... add emoticons... preview and post. So if what I've seen defined as "Troll" here on MB is accurate.... then from time to time some of the best of us here at MB have a bit of Troll lurking inside.

An observation as my final thought. Could it be that the use of the cyber-vernacular insult is employed here on this forum as a sort of reverse-psychology effectively running off the real trolls and forcing the genuine soul into tenacious argument?

-TMD

<small>[ October 02, 2003, 12:41 PM: Message edited by: -TMD ]</small>

H4F,

Excellent observation... This board is a place where people come for answers in the times of great pain and emotional turmoil. There is no place to label that person as a "troll" or anything for that matter.

This maybe surprising to hear from me, since I was the one "labeling" a certain someone as a troll in my first post to his thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think that an explanation is due here.

I couldn't care less if there is a troll on the board. YOU CAN'T GET RID OF THEM. They are everywhere. Don't feed them, and they'll go away. That's just it. Posting to a troll is playing in his/her hand. Period.

So, why did I do it? Because he was not. IMHO the poster needed to get a negative charge in order to be drawn to the people that were willing to help him. Think of it as bad cop, good cop scenario. Both cops are the same, and they work in a team for a reason <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

We have a team effort here on MB to help the needy. It's one thing, when a BS comes here, absorbs the information given, applies it and gets results. This is the best!!! We all feel proud that the Dr. Harley's principles worked and another marriage is saved. But, when you have a WS (or a BS) that comes to the board and ridicules the very people that are trying to help, more subtle tactics are needed.

Let me give you an example... How many times did you get frustrated with a BS that is constantly breaking plan B rules? Never mind the times when a WS is in a fog and just "doesn't get it". We all say the same things to him/her over and over expecting a change. But it doesn't happen, we lose interest and give up (I could give real examples but won't for obvious reasons).

That's why the "reverse psychology" (smart @$$ TMD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) is applied. Sometimes a gentle "what do you want?" is enough to make the poster think of WHY they're here, in order to readjust their thinking process. Sometimes, he/she has to take a "severe beating" to start considering what he/she is told and start moving.

Just an end note:
Nobody comes to this board voluntarily. We come here as a consequence of a terrible event that changed us and those we love forever. Our self worth is reduced to nothing. Know that you can influence immensely the reader when you post.

BigStar

Tricky tricky!!

And I do realize that it's true that even if a poster is turned off by their responses, they can STILL lurk and learn and seeds can still be planted. It's just the mantra of my personality type "why can't we all just get along??". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Didn't expect this post to resurface to tell you the truth!!

I agree h4f that troll accusations are used inappropriately on occassion, and when done so reflect mostly on the dysfunction of the accuser (there are some very very bitter people on these boards). But genuine trolls do exist, it is a good thing to out them (as a community service) so hopefully less discerning folks won't be taken in, and wasted time/resources (or if they are, realize some think they are being played with). IMO a troll is not someone who simply disagrees, or even holds an inflammatory position with the majority...a troll is about intent, someone whose sole purpose is to post inflammatory rhetoric and promote flame firefights. For example, occassionally someone will come here and promote affairs as a desireable behaviour....although one could promote such legitmately (as a philosophic discussion about behaviour) this would not be the place to do so...and further IMO most times when this happens it is done so with deliberate provocation. But I agree, actually trolls are fairly rare, and any event, the basic healthy strategy is simply not to post to anyone you don't want too...that would reduce the benefit to trolls, who then leave.

H4F:

It's precisely because I DO respond 2 people that *I* think may be trolls that gets me in2 trouble. Usually, I recognize a "hit and run" troll when I see one. And usually no real harm is done because they do go away as 2uickly as they appear. But there are others that are a little more subtle or tempting that get me going. A certain limerick thread-starter comes 2 mind. Sounded like a legitimate WS that MIGHT have come here for help, and posted a thread for some levity while in the process. But I got sucked in. Another was a recent apparent BS, who went after the WS with such a vengeance, after purporting 2 have had such a good relationship with his WW prior 2 d-day, that it became "obvious" 2 me that he wasn't so interested in getting helpful advice as watching veteran MBers torch each other in several pages of subsequent posts. After the first 2ple of days, that person seems 2 have disappeared.

I will probably be a "victim" of trolls in the fu2re, 2. But if I can find and help someone with a real problem and a strong desire 2 understand it, while risking being sucked in2 a troll's thread or 2, then the temporary embarrassment will be worth it.

-ol' trollong

<small>[ October 22, 2003, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>