Just thought I'd post a topic on geared towards giving support. There are many newbies here and often the posts to them are missed because the newbies are too busy telling their story and feelings.

So this is a separate post that I am hoping may help. Hope others jump in.

Here's my take on some supporting thoughts that have helped me:

1. The plans made by OPs and WS' during the A are at best temporary.

How does that help the BS? This knowledge is power. It can help the BS out of depression and shock. It can help the BS move forward and make plans. I know if I'd known that sooner, if that was real knowledge to me, it would have been easier to move to plan B.

2. OPs and WS' have to make 'quick history' because in most cases, they have none. Many a OP, esp the OW variety try to take over the role of the BS. Signing in at hotels as Mrs. WS., getting magazines as Mrs. WS, opening checking accounts, e-mails, cell phones, etc in the WS' name.

How does this help the BS? Well knowing that the OP may try to spread their scent over the BS' 'territory', the BS can take some actions to make sure that when addressing the OP, they:

1. Address the OP by their last name. Waters down the romantic attachment of the WS hearing the OPs name.

2. Be on the lookout of suspicious activity either physically or via financial records.

3. Keep good tabs to prove instability in the OP.

Well that's a start. Hope others will jump in and help.

Thanks,
L.

I would refer to OP as "Bob's wife" .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Thanks for the thread. I hope others have more ideas.

I have not even been able to say OWs name outloud. I'm not even sure how to pronounce her last name. Up until a couple of nights ago, WS was trying not to validate that OW was a co-worker. He had no clue that I knew exactly who she was.

As for their plans, I'm not sure what kind they have made. WS is ambivilant about giving up everything materially he has here for pretty much nothing (she lives with her parents) with OW.

Finally, I'm getting an idea of her instability through info from WS and her text msgs. OW has $160k of school debt (she just got her PhD), her family is always asking her for money, and now she's having anxiety attacks because she graduated. ??

To add ...

1. Thrust reality to A as much as you can to off balance WS/OP.

Their plan, if there is one, is a biggest joke & full of day-dream. The longer you wait the less chances you could recover your M. WS claims they don't know what they are going to do ... THIS IS THE TRUTH. The plan day by day w/ trial and error, the longer you wait the most likely they make it work with OP. You have to reveal A to the day light. You have to contact OPS if they are M.

2. SNOOP but don't use the evident to "fry" your SO.

Know thy enemy !. The more inform you are the better. Bite your tounge and put a plan.

3. 97% of A will crumbled and you could help it.

-rh-