I have a quick question about Plan B letters.

My WH is the one who pushed for a separation so he could have some time to figure things out on his own. He wanted to remain in contact with me (I moved to FL, he's in NY), but I and our therapist thought we shouldn't have any contact. I had already decided that if he wanted a separation, then it was a convenient time for me to implement Plan B. He says he sees no future with OW (she lives in another state, but they still talk on the phone), but he doesn't know if he wants to be married.

WH and I had several conversations before I left about the conditions for me coming back. We are supposed to assess where things stand on December 1st (therapist's idea). I told him if he decided to work on the M then it would mean absolutely NC with OW, no more of his "I don't call her, she calls me." I also told him if he decided to work on the M, then to make sure he had already cut off communication with the OW before he contacted me.

So now my question... I didn't write a Plan B letter since we talked everything through. But I read on another thread that the letter is very important, so should I write one and send it? I know my Plan B just started a few days ago, but I'm not sure I want to break NC even for the PBL. My H has emailed me at least once every day since I left. I have ignored them all except for one regarding insurance and for that one I wrote a one sentence response. The emails are generally about nothing, I think they're more his trying to get me to respond.

So, do I need a written PBL? My H read most of SAA and knows all about Plan A and Plan B. I have to say I'm reluctant to send him a letter at this point because I don't want to give him any contact with me at all. He knows the things he has to do to work on our M (e.g., NC), but he'll say he just hasn't wanted to do them.

Anyway, any thoughts on the matter will be greatly appreciated.

Trying.

So, do I need a written PBL?
Yes, absolutely. Otherwise it is not plan B, it is plan ignore. It gives him nothing to bas ehis actions on as he is not sure where you stand on reconciliation (even if you discussed it previous).

It tells him:
- You still want to remain married.
- why you are cutting all contact (the affair hurts)
- what it takes to resume contact and discuss reconiciliation (end of ALL contact with ow)

Having done a PBL ten days ago, I can testify that one effect FOR YOU is that it relieves the nagging feeling that there's one more effort I can make, should make, might make.

Ten days ago, I made a final effort, and it was a strong one. At least as strong and high a note as I could make it.

The ball was always clearly in his court, but now I have told him so, and as we move into deep, dark silence, I've finished things in as clean and loving a way as possible.