Hello everyone. A few months ago I came here for advice about telling my wife afer I stumbled and had a one night stand. I came clean told her, and am happy to say we are well on our way to a full recovery.

Among the many books we bought while getting through this has been "Surviving an Affair" and "His needs, Her needs".

We just finished His needs, Her Needs and were discussing it last night. We feel both are excellent books and make some great points, but what we wondered about, and what I want to ask about, is the theory of a love bank and how that could lead to an affair, or falling in love with someone.

I agree with the love bank theory, that if someone meets enough of your emotional needs he/she will become someone you care about, and could cross the love threshold, but it seems there is more. By that I mean, prior to marrying my wife I dated a very nice girl who told me she loved me, and did everything she could to meet my needs, yet I never fell in love with her, never really cared for her in that way at all. Along the same line, my wife dated a guy in college, was head over heels for him (her words), even though he treated her like dirt, and never made an effort to meet any of her needs.

So it seems to me that someone meeting your needs will not be enough for you to have an affair with them, or fall in love with them. There has to be something more there...a spark, chemistry, however you want to put it. I think Dr. Harley over simpliflies things by making it seem like someone meeting your emotional needs is all it takes to fall for them.

Does anyone else have any thoughts or ideas on this. Thanks,
RTC