Hi, I am currently in the process of separating from my husband. It was his idea what we not longer continue with counseling and separate due to the fact that he feels counseling will not help us. He basically feels that I have not done my part in this marriage and wants out. I feel like I have been mentally and emotionally abuse by him because he ignores my pain and keeps telling me what I am not doing for him. He feels I have deceived him into marriage and then after marriage I have neglected him by doing things like cooking, cleaning instead of spending time with him. We argued over the stupid things like he didn't like me drinking coffee and they way I decorated the house. I so wanted to work out our differences and really seeking counseling for both of us but he has made up his mind because in his eyes I have not improve and will not improve. He finds not fault of his own and blames this separation on me. I have had with him due to the fact I am currently pregnant and he doesn't see that the stress he has put me through will affect my health and the baby's health. I know that its' not my fault for the separation but I relieved to get away from him. I feel once I am out of the house he will continue to track me down and make me feel like i am obligated to call him. He basically told me wit was over but yet wanted me to stay in the same house with him? Is this normal? Any advice from anyone?

Hi Pah,

Welcome to MB. Responses are a bit slower on the weekend. So please be patient with us.

I am sorry you are dealing with these issues and more so since you are also pregnant. Maybe your H s/b the pregnant one - LOL!!

Your H has internal anger issues he is placing on you. You should continue your MC/IC support since he is being too stubborn. Your H sounded like mine did in earlier years. Those crazy stuff about cooking and cleaning vs spending time with him was just what I was told. Then I invited him to do these things with me or asked for suggestions on how to be more efficient so I would have time to spend with him.... bottom line was that no matter how I offered to improve things, he was not satisfied. I finally gave up and told him, fine he can cook, clean all his own stuff. Of course that didn't last long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Here's what else I did. I asked my H if he would believe those reasons if they were given to him. I played back his statements and at a later time and he reacted with anger. No duh.... I then reminded him in a soft voice that those were his exact words to me.....how come it he didn't feel good? Hm.... then I walked away. I did that several times and found that techinque while it brought out his anger it did not give his anger to me. So now after several years and dealing with the A, then recovery this is no longer a major issue.

Having a child requires the cooperation of both parents. How far along are you? Is he willing to participate in parenting classes? Could he be scared to have this responsibility? Talk to your doctor also, they are familar with how new dads react.

take care,
L.

Thank you for your reply. My husband and I have only been married for 9 months. He currently has three other children from two different women. I married him because I love him and didn't judge him for his past relationships and stuck it out with him. I went through alot with my family because they though I made a bad choice but no matter what I felt we were meant to be and nothing would separate us. One of our major problems, about two months ago, I saw he was emailing other females and trying to meet them. I confronted him about it and he said he felt neglected and lonely so he sought attention other ways, he then apalogize told me he wanted us to work things out. So, we then pursue counseling together and he decided that it will not help. We only went to two sessions and he kept finding an excuse as to why we couldnt go. He basically states he has done all he can and wants out. I am seven months pregnant and just want to leave and be away from all this stress. There is no way I can stay in the home for his sake and not be his wife, the thought of living in the house where your husband no longer wants you is too devastating to me. I cannot put myself through such abuse. Also, he basically he went to the two sessions to see if I would change and that he went into this marriage with expectations that I would be a certain way to him.
Now that he doesn't want me anymore I have to make sure I let him know where I am at, if I don't call he tracks me down and starts telling me why I didn't call him. What does he expect me to do now that he told me he no longer wants this marriage and assures that we will not get back in the future.

Hi,

Work with the advice of a good MC. See if you can get some phone counseling session or 2 with Steve, Jennifer or Cerri here @ MB. We have talked with Steve and he is good. They all are.

Your H seems to have commitment issues. You are just part of his pattern. Do you know why he is like this? How is his relationship with his children?

He can not run away from himself. He says he is lonely but what about you? Just some questions he s/b thinking about.

As for his tracking you down, ask him why? If he wants out, why the tracking? Ask him which is it going to be? Marriage with responsibilities, care and love or Flings with just things? U can't do both. That little life inside of you is dependent on both of you and yo you know it, does he?

L.

Hi, I don't know why my husband acts the way he does, both his parents have tried to counsel him and talked with him about his behavior but he resorts to blaming me. He says I don't admit my faults and improve myself. I feel that he is very controlling and he wants to control whatever I do. I am planning on moving out to keep my sanity and take care of my baby, with the help of friends and family. He does have a good relationship with his three sons, he makes sure he sees them when he has them, but I think dealing with the opposite sex is challenging for him. Ever since I have been pregnant I have been under alot of stress with him. He knows this but still my pain and tears means nothing to him. I will let him be a part of his baby's life but I will not let him control anything I do anymore. Until he faces reality and fess up to his responsibility in ending this marriage and working on himself rather than me then maybe there is hope for him, other than that he feels he has done everything right and that he has played his part as a husband and I have not done my part at all, considering his home was always clean and his clothes was always washed and he had a cooked meal to eat. I think he still tries to track me down to make sure where I am at to continue to control my behavior. I thougt in a marriage you don't expect anything from your mate and you don't try to change or improve but love and accept as they are and bring out the best in them. Whenever I am away from him I feel like myself again and I feel more at peace instead of depressed of not being the person he thinks I should be.