I am seeking advice on how to handle "no contact" at work. Not looking for anyone to tell me the best thing is to leave the job--that is not going to happen for reasons I will not go into. But, an looking for stories, advice, ideas, coping strategies for handling "no contact" at work when you actually work with the other person and have to communicate about "work stuff".

And for the record, love my husband dearly and things are going well for us. I am truly blessed by having him as my husnand. However, that doesn't make this other situation difficult to deal with.

Blessings to all.

DIR,
You don't do any of the behaviors that made the A possible. I don't know what that was for you but:

-no lunches, coffee, drinks, socilizing even in a group when he's present, unless your spouse is also present

-no revealing personal information. ie "How's your life." Answer good and walk away or turn to the conversation to the perinent business.

-no asking for personal information.

-no receiving personal information, if he starts volunteering, again, brusquely turn the conversation to the pertinent business.

-don't worry about being polite, isn't your marriage more important than politeness to someone you want out of your life?

-if you can make any choices not to work with him or can pass a task with or about him onto another co-worker, do so.

Business Business Business and accountability to your husband on anything that crosses that line.

Are there any specific things, situations that you would like help with?

The best line I've heard for when he may try to contact you for things other then work is telling him "I Love my Husband and I'm working on my marriage".

Definitely taking the initiative to inform your H of anything outside of business will help to build your trust back up. I would even talk to my spouse and ask for their input- "this happened today and I felt you should know. I am going to take these actions to prevent this from happening in the future. Do you have any suggestions?"

DIR,

Might I ask why you won't go into your reasons for not considering a new job? Also, is your husband enthusiastic about you returning to this job? (have you POJAd this?) If so, what things does your husband say would make him feel comfortable and enthusiastic about you continuing to work there. Lor gave you some great advice, but if your husband is uncomfortable about this....they will only be good short term solutions....I hope you have a better long term plan in mind. Good Luck...glad to hear you two are doing well.

First of all, let me say why I'm in a position to offer advice here, My FWH has been working with the FOW for almost 2 years now, and as the BS, I'm coping - Here's why

1). We pray together EVERY morning before he leaves for work.
2). He lets me know by calling me if he's having to work in her group that particular day - so I know if there's contact going on or not. (During the first year or so he called twice a day, but as of late it's once a day to just say "hi" and only again if he needs something.)
3). At days end he tells me anything that was said between them, any look she might have given him, any favor she might have done for him, and we discuss these encounters to MY satisfaction. If I think they were unimportant, I let them pass, if they seemed like she was hitting on him, we discuss further. He ALWAYS answers my questions without getting testy, or aggravated.
4). He does not engage in chit chat with her.
5). He avoids one on one.
6). He goes Way out of his Way to not eat lunch with her (they eat on the job).
7). He often ignores her even when she asks him a direct (non-work related) question. (Ex. He was in a group discussion about his vasectomy, the guys basically ragging him, and she asked, "well why did you have a vasectomy if you still wanted kids?!?" He never answered her - just went on talking with some of the men.
8). Find a same sex co-worker to become friends with that will be handy to "interrupt" if you get cornered. (Especially if there's someone who knows what has happened that knows how committed you are to your spouse now).
9). My H told one other co-worker about what happened, none of the others know for sure. Later my H asked this co-worker to answer ANY questions I might have about how he's acting toward the OW at any given time. This has been great and even though I've never asked the guy a question, I know that option is there should I ever get suspicious again.
10). Read the posts above about personal contact, receiving favors from etc. And NEVER do anything that might be construed as a favor. Don't fill his coffee cup if he's in line behind you, don't run off a report for him if it's not your job, etc. Let him do his own work!

There are probably more I could think of, but that should get you started.