lwh ...

She tried to negotiate w/ u ... she is addicted to OM ! and the best part of it OM is not ready to take your WW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Stick to your plan B ... go dark again. Let her know if she wants to go to MC ... good for her and let her go by herself but you stated what it takes to work on M. ... STEP 1 is drop OM !.

-rh-

plan B has got you to this point...the point where your WW is now begining to come out of the fog and back to reality. stay the course.

no contact...no love notes...she was looking for a way to reafirm that she still had you on a string and you took the bait big time. now back off and be totally unavailible to her.

"he's loosing his truck" and "she chased him" and "it's her fault not his" and yada, yada, yada! who cares! F

Yep, I'm pretty darn dumb. Let my WW call the shots again. She set up a counseling session and I agreed to go. After an hour of talking, we seemed to be about the same place as we started. We did get some things out in the open but W was not ready to make a committment. I gave my W the plan B letter a couple of months ago so she knew what it would take for us to work things out. So, just to make sure she understood about the conditions of her coming back I rewrote a list of things that must happen. I gave a copy to WW and our counselor and then I told both of them that I would not go to another session until she ended it with OM. Neither the couselor or WW liked that idea too much. I just don't want to keep filling some of her needs while OM fills others. So I told her I was going to go no contact once again. Will I ever learn??? Did I mess up again, or did I accomplish anything? I'm a mess right now. This sucks.............

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lost-without-her:
<strong> I gave a copy to WW and our counselor and then I told both of them that I would not go to another session until she ended it with OM. Neither the couselor or WW liked that idea too much. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The counselor did not like the idea of no more sessions till she stops seeing OM? Amazing. Other than the MC wanting to keep getting paid, I can see no valid reason for more sessions while WW is still with OM.
Michael

lwh ... Live Love & Learn. Any plan for the weekend ?

-rh-

Good comeback LWH.

Now that you are back in Plan B hopefully she'll OD on the OM and finally come out of the fog.

REDHAT AND TOOMUCHCOFFEMAN

BOTH OF YOU HAVE BEEN WITH ME THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SOME GREAT ADVICE AND I STILL HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY. I JUST WANT TO THANK BOTH OF YOU FOR BEING THERE AND FOR ALL THE ADVICE. MAYBE I'LL GET SMART AND START LISTENING... THANKS AGAIN...

Hi LWH

I did notice one thing, if the MC has such a poor understand that the OM must be out of the picture then I think its time for another MC. The one you have only cares for the check, not the M.

You might want to do some research on other MC's in the area to see if any of them have simular idea's as MB. Make a list, and the next time your WS wants to MC, give her the list and let her know that these MC's are exceptable.
Of course this is JMHO.

Yep, TMCM give really good advice. From what I've read here so does RH.

LWH how about an update?

Not a whole lot has happened since last. I did go back to the counselor for individual counseling. I guess at first she didn't understand my reasoning for going no contact. She thought that I was done and would not budge and would not work with her. I mean, in a way, that is how I stand, but I agreed to meet with her individually so she can hear both sides of the story. She is meeting with my W today. She said from there she can possibly direct us to some agreement. She knows I stand strong on W separating from OM and she understands my reasoning behind it now. She was encouraging in that she felt I was on the right track. At least, if nothing else, my W is going to couseling. So, she 'may' want to work things out. Only time will tell. Hoping for the best and staying dark... Thanks for asking...

I've been reading your post and now that you've spent some time clearifying your position with the marriage counsler IMHO there is nothing else for you to do until OM is gone.

Don't allow the counsler to modify your position. You were doing fine in Plan B on your own. Your WW has one decission to make and that's to dump OM.

I agree with everyone else that joint counsling or even individual with the same counsler until OM is gone solves nothing.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Anyone got a 2x4? I need one right now! Maybe someone could hit me hard enough to put me out of my misery!!!!! I'm stupid, stupid, stupid!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

My wife takes my youngest D to practice every Monday and Wednesday. D was at a basketball game after school and was supposed to be home before W came to pick her up. Because she was at the basketball game, I assumed she didn't have practice. W came by to pick up D but she wasn't home yet. I tried not to engage in conversation, but a few words were spoken, nothing big. D showed up and W took her to practice.

Well, all these things kept going through my head when I saw W and the phone was sitting right next to me. I picked it up a couple of times and started to dial but hung up. Then I did the stupid thing and called her. I engaged her in R talk and was kinda going round and round. She asked why I loved her and stupid me couldn't answer her. She said she had to go because she was on her cell and was getting in her car (she doesn't like to talk on her cell while driving). So I asked her if she would come over to talk. She said she couldn't. So, I asked why. There was a long embarrasing pause and I finally said I guess I don't mean much to her if she wouldn't take the time to do this. Not only did I LB, but I let her get me angry again. I'm kinda steaming right now. I feel I'm losing my energy and am not sure this is what I want. Though I think about it again and I know she is what I want. When I don't see her and talk to her, I'm ok, but when I have to deal with her, I'm a mess. I guess I'm just ranting now, but I needed to vent. How I wish I could just stay in plan B... Stupid, stupid, stupid <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

LWH,

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Plan B is definately not easy. Don't beat yourself up over this. You slipped backwards, but you can recover and regain your position.

{{{LWH}}}

Hang tough. Mistakes are bound to be made if not we would all be in perfect marriages.

The biggest thing from all this is you recognized your error and infact you almost avoided it by hanging up the phone a couple of times.

Do nothing just drift back into your no contact mode. Let the mistake drift into the past don't call again to say your sorry etc.

JMHO - I'm still waiting for my WW to look my way.

You ever just get tired? I feel that way today. I know tomorrow will be better...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm not sure how I feel right now. I think my WW is trying to make some decisions right now. She asked my D why she didn't like OM and if he was ok. Of course my D didn't want to totally express how she felt so she said a couple of not so bad things she doesn't like about OM.

I know it is getting close to the holidays and I think WW doesn't want to be away from her family. I think she may try to come back, but I'm really not sure I want her back right now. Not because I don't want her back, but because she still has feelings for the OM and that she would be coming back for the wrong reasons. If it were a different time of year right now, I don't think she'd be considering coming back. I may be off here, but I think that is what is going on inside her head. If she does come back and then leaves again, I don't think I can go through all this again.

I know her therapist told her she should find her own place and figure out what she really wanted. At first, I didn't like that idea, but right now, I'm thinking that may not be so bad. I can wait this out and don't want her to make the wrong decision. Any thoughts out there?

I think you should talk to your D about how she wants to spend the Christmas holidays, so that you can start planning ahead of time. Is it possible for you and your D to go out of town to spend the holidays with relatives? this could help the two of you from constantly thinking about your WW.

I live in Alaska and all our relatives live in the lower 48. I don't have a problem with how I will be spending the holidays, I'm ok, its WW I'm worried about. My 2 Ds live with me and will spend Thanksgiving and Christmas morning with me. I'm sure they will spend time with their mom also, but they'll be with me first.

I wish we could go somewhere for the holidays, but because of work and finances, that would be impossible. And I don't want to take the kids away from their mom. I may not be happy with her, but I do still love her and believe she deserves to have her kids around her in this time of the year. I just don't want her to try to come home only because of the holidays and not stay....