I would like to know more about your situations in the past if you are willing to share. It sounds to me like you have been in my WS's shoes? Am I correct? If so, I am wondering if you would be willing to share your insight with my WS and I. I know she needs to "pull her head out of her butt" before she will listen. Do you think there is a way you could get through to her or am I wasting my time trying and would you too? I am trying to accept that I am wasting my time, but I would love to be proved wrong.
Anything???

My original story is somewhere on this board...I can do a search for it.

I would be willing to talk (or email) with your wife, if she's interested...but from past experience, unless it's an invite she gladly accepts...she's probly not ready and won't listen anyway. I've tried to help several WS's while they were thick in the fog, and not one would listen. They don't want reason and rational...they want cheerleaders and yes-men.

Is she expressing any interest in hearing from FWS's?

Hi Neb,

I have only known true peace and sanity in the last three years. My life before was a life out of control.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think there is a way you could get through to her or am I wasting my time trying and would you too? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Harly says trying to educate her is a big LB. I'm sure there is nothing you, hope4future, or I can do to change her. She has to want to change. I didn't hear anything people were trying to tell me while I was in the FOG of the affair. Like we all say, MY AFFAIR was different. Mine was real... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You certainly can work on you. We all have character defects. You can make changes in you that will make yourself more attractive to her.

The affair coming to the light of day can burst the bubble fast. Also, I know that it is hard to bear, but letting the OM meet all her needs, NOT just sex, will show her pretty fast who the OM really is.

I don't have much time right now. I'll be back later. I did read some of your past posts to try and get a feel for what is going on and where you are. You kept mentioning the fact that your wife is sexually awakened by the affair.

Believe me, I had some of the best sex I had ever had with my affair partners. BUT, there is so much more to love, committment, friendship and intimacy in a relationship than just good sex. I've discovered when you work to develop all the other ingredients, the good sex will follow naturally. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'd venture to say that if you did a really good Plan A followed by Plan B and let the OM meet ALL her needs, not just sex, she would begin to see the OM and reality for what it really is.

My husband left (Plan B) for one month. I had that time that I could spend with the OM if I wanted. Only problem was, OM was not always available for me. Imagine that. And guess what, when I had a flat tire on my car, OM was NOT the one I could turn to. I had to deal with it on my own.

Here is the old Reader's Digest Version of my story on the bottom of this page.

Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks for getting back to me. A lot has happened over the past week. That is why I disappeared. She did a full turn around and now wants to work on the M and end her A. In fact, she will be ending the A tomorrow. (fingers crossed) I want to explain what happened, but it is very late now. I will get back again tomorrow evening.

WOW! That is big news! We'd love to hear an update when you have the chance!

As promised...She did it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

She called me afterwords and explained how things happened and that she believed he would honor her decision of NC. We have couples counceling set-up for Monday where we will formulate a plan and set some bounderies. We are going to take it slow for now. She is going to stay at her dads when in town (for now) and we will communicate some. All to be determined in counseling. So for now, things are looking up. I will keep you posted and thanks again for all your support...EVERYONE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok, before I say congrats I wanna say DON'T TAKE IT SLOW!! No no no...you have a window of opportunity...a small amount of time really...and if you don't take full advantage of that honeymoon period to really work on your relationship and gaining some real feelings back, things will start to slip away again. Especially since she'll be fighting withdrawl, too.

One other thing...if she does go through a tough withdrawl and starts to slip back in to the WS mentality, try your best to remain calm and strong. If she sees you are scared, she'll believe what she's saying...if she sees that you KNOW what you're talking about when you say you can work it out...she'll feel more confident in trusting what you're saying. Know what I mean??

And with that....CONGRATULATIONS!!!! And we're here if you need us! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />