Went to a school function where X-WW was. I had been in a pretty damn good plan b for a long time.
She came up with tears in her eyes asking me to sit next to her during dinner, I politely & respectfully declined. We hugged and went our seperate ways for dinner. No LB's etc...

The next morning she was wondering why I was so "aloof"--(I know... Duh) to which I replied

"EX-WW, what did you want me to say to you?--Did you want me hit on you and ask if we could go back to your place."--She replied, I would have probably accepted an offer like that."

When we exchanged the kids the next morning, we actually kissed and somewhat felt each other up,
then I got the "lets take it slow" stuff again.

My freakin head is spinning, but at least I feel like I can handle it

Someone smack the ^%#^% out of me please. Do you think she is "cake eating" based on the other 176,000 false recoveries I think probably, but then again that was the first physical contact in over a year.

How should I play it cool?

Rly-

Go back into Plan-B. Just act the same way as you always do and don't have further contact. Instead of chasing her - like she wants - it will make her stop and wonder why you aren't pursuing her.

Mu hunch is that she was looking to see if you still are interested in her and once she received that kind of reception, it just made her feel comfortable that you are still her territory. Chasing her or acknowledging what ocurred will only add fire to her ego.

Back into plan-b. If recovery is real, you will see and feel the differences.

Hugs-

Easy buddy! (I can only imagine how much you have hungered for contact with her, so no wonder your head is spinning!)
Please operate with wisdom here. Could be cake-eating--you may feel like an affair partner to her and this would indicate she hasn't changed at ALL and would set you up to be hurt all over again.
If she has really changed, taking the slow road will allow you to observe her at closer range. Test, test, test. Don't believe what she says without examining her life for the fruit.

Kily I think you are right. Back to plan b, maybe a more freindly plan b though. But I screwed up and added a little fuel to her ego as you exclaimed. You're right that stops now.

Want2- Yeah, I kind of get that feeling to hmmm me an affair partner what scandal! Maybe I should prove I can be a fun affair partner? IU dunno.

How do I monitor for change if I go back to plan b?

First of all there is no such animal as a Plan B for an X-spouse. This makes as much sense as strapping on a parachute to a skydiver who has already hit the ground and hoping that s/he will pull the cord.

Plan B is the last resort strategy for a BS to save the marriage when the WS cannot decide between the BS or the OP. Plan B lovingly expresses to the WS the love the BS still feels for him/her and desire to save the marriage but until the WS forever ends all contact with the OP and s/he expresses a willingness to work on rebuilding the marriage, the BS must stop all contact with the WS. Tell me, does all this apply to your situation?

Rlyhurtin please do not confuse Plan B with simple no contact because they are not the same.

Back to plan b, maybe a more freindly plan b though.
There should be VERY limited contact in Plan B, so friendly is should not be happening.
5rUou can be cordial/business like with minimal contact. Friendly implies more than required conversation.

Keep it simple. "Here's the kids. See ya' at 8 PM."

Guys,

Man I complteley "blew it"--This woman knows that I was mezmorized by the making out with her on Sunday.

It has been over a year since we have had physical contact, well like that anyway.

My head is just swimming, been seperated for 14 months, offically divorced for 6, been hurt beyond
what a person should be, yet why do I dectect a good person in there somewhere? I'd like to beleive I am "not that stupid"...Ooops wait a minute I am, 2 years of running around under my nose.

Why is it that when I was being tough & strong I really didn't feel like being around her and just a little kissing sends me into a freenzy.

Her telling me "We love each other and thats a great start but lets take it slow" makes 100% sense...thats how I feel. But when a Wayward spouse says that, that phrase takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it? Does lets take it slow really mean..."I don't want to cheat again and technically it wouldn't be cheating anymore since we are divorced so if someone better comes along I'm gone again."

When I told her that I was all for taking it slow but I needed more, she asked what is it that you need. I didn't tell her...I couldn't.

What I wanted to say was...

I want to feel like this was all a big mistake, I need to feel loved, needed, desired and that you really didn't mean to take our friendship, my love for you and our marriage completely for granted.---She wants me to tell her what I meant by I need more, would that be an LB if I told her just that?

Was doing fine...Now CONFUSED...AGAIN

Lay the 2x4's on me guys!

Another question relating to the "Love Bank"
Why is that she still has a balance? Blows that therory all to heck!

I would suggest you tell her exactly how it is - lay it out truthfully just like you did here. Insist that she be accountable for her actions and quit using/enticing you. She may be for real this time but with her track record I would be skeptical. We don't want to see you hurt further so please tread carefully. God bless!

Don't know if you have been in a relationship with anyone since your wife left, but your renewed interest in wife may have more to do with YOUR UNMET NEEDS than with her personally. Have you "felt" anyone else up in that time? (Don't answer that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just for you to ponder..)
I am always amazed how my male dogs "affection" for our female neighbor dog kicks in when she is in heat--otherwise he can't stand her. (Not to compare us to dogs, but there are some analogies to be drawn when we are speaking of our drives!)

Want to Shine:

You have a very strong point actually. I am actually starved for

Affection
Admiration
Sex

Etc...

I have dated, but thats weird. I still "feel" married. I guess it would be nice if EX-WW met some needs

I guess I'll have to settle for Brittney Spears
Cathreine Zeta Jones, Jenifer Aniston etc...

Sincerely

Rover

PS- Liked your dog analogy...Clever!

Good boy, rlyhurtin! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Glad to be of some assistance...hopefully you can bless a wonderful gal with all that when the time is right!
May be helpful to keep a safe distance from ex to prevent unwise entanglement with untrustworthy person, seeing as how you are vulnerable and all right now...

Yo, RlyHurtin -

Do you WANT to recover this marriage or not? What's your goal here, besides getting in someone's pants? Not a bad goal, mind you, but I'd like to see you thinking with the brain that's a bit higher up in your body, hmmm?

And look here, man. If you want this marriage, and it sure sounds like you do, then take it seriously! You've got a ton of fears to get through and so does she. But it's a simply question, really: What would it take for you to be willing to take the risk of sticking with her for a while?

What would it take? NC with OM? Moving back in? Commitment to recovery? What? Go call up Cerri and talk to her about it (www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com). She's GOOD with recovery plans, or so I'm told. Don't stand there dithering! Figure out what you want and then put in place a plan to go get it!

(AND get into someone's pants!)