I have been married 24 years. Husband had an EA. It is over (I hope). Through this affair he has realized that the OW was able to intellectual stimulate him which he feels he needs in his life. I am not on the same level has he is and don't know how to deal with this problem. Any suggestions.

Hope and Faith,
I'm not sure if I can help, but I went back to school after 20 years because I thought I might need to support myself and found that I LOVE it. I realized my intellect had taken a standstill to motherhood and I love to open my horizons. How about taking a class or two it doesn't have to be brain surgery just something to get you going and be able to converse in language other then home. The other thing I started for a class and now do daily is read the newspaper, its surprising how much you can learn from just that and how current events make you feel and speak intelligently.
I think you'll be surprised, I thought my WS was so intelligent and above me education wise but now I am surpassing him in other area's were he is not knowledgeable in.
km4
me 39
ws 44
married 17 years
2 boys 11 and 4
ow was my best friend.

hopeandfaith, welcome to MB.
Please explain in what areas OW was able to intellectually stimulate your H. Was it in current events, general knowledge, sports, politics? Or is he more passionate about his job? Most men have certain subjects on which they feel most comfortable communicating. What subjects interest your H?

They could talk for hours about anything, she is a very creative writer and very knowledgeable, with special interest in baseball and music.I have a hard time with him giving me undivided attention when I am talking to him but she didn't. He just found her very interesting. Of course it is easy to have undivided attention reading emails and talking on the phone. I am jealous that OW could sweep him off his feet. I wanted to be the only one that could do that.

I suggest that you start by listening to a National Public Radio station every morning. It may sound boring but you will get a good mix of current news as well as interesting stories on a number of different subjects. It sounds as if your H is looking for someone who can converse with him on many different subjects and this could help.
Also remember men communicate by exchanging facts, not feelings or emotions. "The Yankees will win the Series because of superior pitching" will work better than "I hope the Marlins win because the Yankees won last time." Facts, not feelings.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopeandfaith:
<strong> They could talk for hours about anything, she is a very creative writer and very knowledgeable, with special interest in baseball and music.I have a hard time with him giving me undivided attention when I am talking to him but she didn't. He just found her very interesting. Of course it is easy to have undivided attention reading emails and talking on the phone. I am jealous that OW could sweep him off his feet. I wanted to be the only one that could do that. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Become knowledgable. - Read, listen to talk radio, take a class, start a new (joint?) hobby... do things that expand your horizons.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Learn how to communicate effectively. - People communicate in different ways so learn how to speak so that he will hear you. I found personality typing to be extremely useful in this area.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Practice, practice, practice. - Conversation is a skill.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
"I have a hard time with him giving me undivided attention when I am talking to him but she didn't."

and

"Through this affair he has realized that the OW was able to intellectual stimulate him which he feels he needs in his life."

Sounds like he isn't giving you the opportunity to fulfill his EN (Conversation). While it's great that you now know one of his important ENs and you are learning how to fulfill it... HE needs to give YOU his undivided attention so that YOU can fulfill that need. Otherwise he's shooting himself in the foot because not even the world's most witty person is an interesting conversationalist if he isn't listening.

PS... You might find the "EN Conversation: How to talk to a bar clam" link in my sig interesting.