In recovery for 31/2 months for the 4th time. Thought things were going well, still have up and down days. Just found out last night he posted two notes on a message board that was very much directed for her. I am sure, hoping she will respond to them. To me this is contact. What do you think? He just told me on Sunday he doesn't think of her and thinks of me all the time and wants me to stop being so sad and worried. I am living with Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde. How do I handle this? It has been very hard to trust and let my gaurd down and when I do a little, he does something stupid. I want to quit it is to hard to keep doing this. It as been a year and a half since 1st D-Day.

h&f

If you are sure the messages were specifically for her then I would say it's contact also. Did you talk to your H about the messages? Has he been in IC? Does he need to be? Might be something more to this whole thing.

I'm sure others with more experience will respond also.

Good luck!

sss

H&F,
I cannot speak for your H but I can speak for me. I thought that by hiding how I felt about OW that it would be easier for my W. It hasn't been. You might want to visit my thread "How much should I tell" and you might see some of my struggle.

I first had to be honest with myself before I could be honest with W. I had to admit that I was having all these feelings for OW. It scared me to share it with my W but I did. I still am not sure of the value of it but my W was drawing her own conclusions anyway so it helped put to rest some of W's obsessing.

I wanted and still want to contact OW. But I don't. Partly because I don't want to be hurt again, partly because there is no future in it and most importantly it would be absolutly cruel to W. No contact means no contact. If your H is posting stuff for OW to see he is just looking for ways he can still have that contact. I think of these kinds of things everyday. I know OW's phone #'s, e-mail addresses and the places she frequents. I could easily make contact. You can't control your H you can only protect your own sanity. It might be that all your H needs to hear from you that you disapprove of the posts and how crazy it makes you to read these things.

I have thought that this would have been easier if OW would have died at least that way I would no that contact is impossible. I know W has wished it but it is just this kind of thoughts that continue the craziness.

I am sharing my thoughts and struggles with you with the hope that you can somehow see what might be going on on your H mind.