</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">......you mentioned a lot about setting boundaries. Now i do not what to be a policeman for his behaviours but obviously he has different style of thinking or boundaries than i do. Is it enough for me to tell him what my boundaries are? I think thats the only thing i can do right now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Adventurine - I think that you may be a little confused about the difference between Boundaries and Standards.

You may want to do a little research on those issues to better understand them and how they impact your life.

For now, though, here is the main difference between them.

Boundaries are those things that you will not allow to be DONE TO YOU. There are penalities that come with someone who violates your boundaries because you will not tolerate such behavior against you.

Standards are those things that you will not allow yourself to DO TO OTHERS. Think of this along the lines of the "Golden Rule." The standards you believe in are the types of things that you would teach your children, but you cannot impose those standards on anyone else. We each have to choose our own standards to live by. Hopefully, your children will see the wisdom in the standards that you are teaching them and will decide to accept them as their own standards, but you can't compel them to accept YOUR standards.

You also said that the other woman's husband told you, "he is completely comfortable with her becoz he honestly don't think she is capable of anything." I could, and did, say the same thing about my wife. A simple word to the wise, Never say Never. The ways that one gets ensnared in adultery range from what begins as "innocent" conversation to someone who is actively looking for some "strange." The fact that you both view the same situation differently should raise enough red flags that at the very least you would both be willing to do some work on how to "affair proof" your marriage.

But beware of lies. Affairs, Emotional or Physical, breed lies. They can't exist without lies. So you will have to satisfy yourself that there is nothing more going. Fidelity has no fear of truth and openness. Infidelity runs and hides because the light of truth exposes the sin. I really didn't like the "signs" that you posted originally, so something more is going on in the dynamics of your marriage. Whatever it is, when one of you has to resort to lying and hiding the truth from the other, there is dangerous water ahead for the marriage.

<small>[ October 26, 2003, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: ForeverHers ]</small>